I Feel Like I Wasted All My Healthy Years With Being Sad

i hate when i, a completely healthy person (very chronically ill), get sick (flare up) for no reason at all (i exerted myself way past my limit just cuz i didn’t wanna be “annoying”)

so my school decided cause there were too many absences last year to note it on report cards which is whatever BUT they are gonna make a special note about it if you miss over 12 hours (even if it's excused, which is btw less time than i spent at hospitals the last month) so no matter what happens basically you have to go which is dumb

first of all i think doctors notes should completely excuse it because then it wasn't just staying at home for fun... also my school is the only one doing it in this region so only we will have disadventages when applying to university and yk how little 12 hours are? shit happens, like so many things can happen that you have no control over

a teacher offered to try to find a solution for me which i am thankfull for, but also this isn't only about me:

"oh but it probably won't affect you" i don't care it's still unfair

i'm so tired of feeling sick all the time

i don't want to be miserable... i wanna worry about things that other people my age worry about and not how to manage doctor appointments... i want a doctor to actually help... i wanna feel okay and not be scared of dying

i'm in too much pain to sleep and i have to get up in a few hours cause it's a busy day

i am lucky if i get to close my eyes for a few minutes and it sucks

i can't get rid of this constant nausea ffs

i would like to cancel my chronic illness prescribtion... i need to get things done

this is why i always have headphones in

"it's not polite" well neither is my pain so fuck off

"Stop looking at your phone"

No. I need a constant distraction from the pain I am in. I promise you, you'd rather see me play solitaire on my phone for 45 mins than deal with me while being fully aware of my body. I PROMISE YOU I am listening better if i'm fiddling on my phone than if I'm sitting and being aware of my agony.

Also to everyone who has ever called me an iPad kid, die in a hole.

one good thing about being chronically ill that i learned about this week is when you need to drive your friend to the hospital for drinking too much alcohol you know your way around and exactly where to go

can't completely stand upright rn, but i'm still gonna try to function tomorrow (we'll see how that goes)

feeling hungover and drunk at the same time eventhough i didn't drink and am actually just chronically ill