The nature of our relationship was not one born of lust or desire. It was irrational, illogical, and instinctual.
Ours is a connection, a magnetism, two polarized forces turned to attract the other. It is an orbit born of gravity and inertia, a centripetal force between us two constantly keeping our centers inseparable.
I felt you in my chest, beneath my sternum, and in my gut, between the hollow of my ribs. I feel the place where our souls used to dance like a giant's fist has ripped out my insides.
I want to scream, and everytime silence finds me, crawls inside me all I hear is my broken voice screaming your name until my lungs ache and my throat bleeds and my blood drips from the corners of my mouth and all I taste is salt.
I have lost the desire to numb myself because I know there is nothing that will numb me. Anything I do will crank my ribs open and lay everything I no longer have bare for anyone to see. It is a dark bloody husk inside my chest with shriveled lungs and a bruised heart that kept beating for you and believed in your promises and aspirations.
My grief is unmatchable, it refused to grow and move, I remain stuck now as I have for the past two munths; in firm denial.
Our connection is irrational, illogical...
And now so am I.
Boycott launch date of Switch 2 and buy it the next day, June 6.
This has worked before:
When the 3DS released, it was over priced too. No one bought it so then they lowered the price!
It has happened before, it can happen again.
If you can wait even 1 day at least, or 1 week at best, it will make a difference.
Spread the news. In solidarity of those who can't buy Switch 2, those who can buy it should at least boycott the launch date. I garantee you it WILL make a difference.
Remember the consumer is always right.
Source:
Sometimes...this is all you need.
Do yourself a favor. Sound up. Enjoy.
People always say "you matter in this world and to others", I know I matter.
People always say "you can get through it", I know I can.
People always say "you will get better", I know I will...
People always say "you can be happy", I'm sure I can.
People always say "it will get better", statistically that is fact.
People always say "you never know", and they are correct.
People always say "you are not alone", and I'm not.
But the person who mattered is gone, I don't want to fight anymore, I want to be better, but I don't want a different happiness, I don't want a new better, I know he is gone, the person I most wanted to be with is gone.
I matter, I know it will pass but sometimes...
Sometimes I just want to take the only option I have to get him back...
But I won't.
Because he made me a promise, and now that promise is mine to uphold.
I promised I would live on...so I will.
No matter what.
Today is hard and horrible; my wounds gaping and sore. Every moment brings another knife of memory from before.
Anger pulses through me followed by crippling sadness. I feel nothing but my own craving for madness.
I'd give anything, everything, just to go back; just to wake up hung over after New Years again.
I would do so much different, and so much the same, but in the end my only goal would be to save you.
You: passionate, loyal, brave and kind. Cursed and playful with a magnificent mind.
It's almost been two months and I still cannot see how there is any possibility that you gave up on me.
Today is harder than any day I ever thought I'd bare;
It's even harder cause I'm surrounded by people who do not care.
They may care about me and the pain that runs through,
But they are perfectly incapable of actually missing you.
I feel that you're still out there though it does feel far away;
How am I supposed to accept that you have gone a different way?
I've loved and fought for so long I don't know how to stop,
And it's even fucking harder to finally give up.
I worshipped you, I prayed for you, I fell down to my knees
Hopin' and prayin' for a life we fought to see;
But now you've taken your own life and brought it to an end;
I thought that at the very least I'd find a way to call you friend.
I thought I had accepted that our love just couldn't be,
But what I failed to realize was how strong you were still holding on to me.
I was holding onto hope for us harder than any drug I've had,
Even though I knew that any ending would only turn out bad.
But this was not an end that I'd ever thought I'd see,
Now you're gone and taken every single piece of me.
Yesterday was hard, today is much the same. My sobriety is one of the few things I have left that are purely good and I am happy to say that just for today I feel happy being and staying sober. I just keep reminding myself that things will get better.
And if they don't, we'll at least I can look forward to the end.
Laughter feels good for about 3 seconds.
Then melancholy quickly plummets into despair and longing.
Must ignore
Must push back
d o n t t h i n k a b o u t i t
This is exactly how I remember it.
A family vacation coming up
The day before we leave
She was super excited about it just yesterday,
But I noticed she seemed a little sad.
Today its just...distant.
Quiet...short responses...but most of all
The feeling 8n the air itself that terrible things are about to happen.
It's easier now, to see that it is probably my ptsd...
But it does confirm that there is ptsd to work through, and that makes me sad.
Because I'm fidgeting just hoping and praying and doing everything in my power to be kind and thoughtful and PERFECT
Because I trained myself for years to avoid the outburst I could never keep from coming.
I'm the protagonist and let me tell you it ISN'T A GOOD THING
take this quiz and see what teen movie archetype you are!!
I am what gazes back. Don't worry, it's just chaotic in here!
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