Experience Tumblr like never before
When you left, I thought part of me died. No part of me died when you came back and ripped my heart out like it was nothing, like you felt nothing.
I thought I knew what love was. Love was sitting in my health class sophomore year. Love wouldn't date me until one of us could drive a car. Love played lacrosse and was a goalie, we bonded over that. Then college came 2 years later, and love left as quickly as it came. Love became constant fights about pointless things. Love became jealous and controlling. Love ended at roughly 11:30 pm on a Tuesday night. Turns out I didn't know what love was. A month later, love's ugly cousin loneliness came in disguised as love. Loneliness was a scrawny blonde who tried to be "country". Loneliness couldn't play sports, but I was okay with that as long as I wasn't alone. Loneliness became an on and off relationship that I couldn't let go of because it had love's fond embrace. I used loneliness as an excuse to date. Loneliness left on Mother's Day around 11:30 AM, and I went to the store because I didn't know why I was so sad that loneliness, the one I had been begging myself to leave, was gone. Turns out, love also went to the store that day. Love had also just gotten out of a long term relationship. Love had texted me a few days prior to make fun of me because that was what love had done when we were friends in the past. This love was different than the love that sat in sophomore year health class. This love was sporadic 45 minute conversations in the most random places. This love popped up when I needed it the most at any point in my life. This love accepted me for who I am. Love has a fast car, and a motorcycle. Love knows I like to play with my hair. Love knows I don't get out much, but love is ok with that because he brings me to the most beautiful places. But between you and me, I don't care where this love takes me, because, I know what love is, and he treats me the right way and has the most beautiful hazel eyes and the cutest dimples I've ever seen. I know what love is because he sleeps next to me (almost) every night. I know what love is and he is the most authentic man I have ever met.
Love is in my thoughts
I don't think you know how many times you've talked me off a ledge without even realizing it.
I really do need you
After you, I don’t know if I believe in love or I believe in how the idea of having you was more appealing than being alone with myself. Still, I don’t blame you for leaving, who would want to stay to begin with? I dont even like myself.
You taught me that I should love myself first. That my happiness shouldn’t be rooted in another human. Because human love is doomed to fail from the very start and I should have ran away the first time.
You wouldn’t know how good I am at lying until you give me a reason to trust you.
I don’t even trust myself
Love isn’t a lie. It’s something that can mask just how unhappy you really are while saying you are the happiest you’ve ever been.
After I broke up with him
Look at me! I’m the strongest in the sea. My lungs take in the water like it’s air and send it out with great flair. Look at me! I’m humble like the earth, my arms stretch out to hug the masses as my heart burns what’s left of ashes. Look at me! I’m fluid like the air, moving about without a care, letting those who wrong me pass me by until I’m left alone to die. Look at me. I’m alone like fire. Don’t get too close, I’m a broken wire, threatening to burn and combust into nothing. Look at me. My humble trying and desperate crying did nothing to appease those demons. My heart was burned and left to nothing as I sit here in solemn quiet. Look at me.
Look at what I’ve done
If you ever wonder how much I love you, remember that I started to cry when we talked about what would happened if we lost each other to death or someone else. And you walked out to your car, you had to hug me close and wipe away my tears, because you brought up how you’d play our stuffed dog until it broke because it said ‘I love you’ in both of our voices.
That’s how much I love you
I can compare your love to a summer breeze. One day it is there, the next, gone. Without a trace, a smooth denial in its place. Well practiced. Well sounded. Not a fault in your tone. I rather burn without your coolness, I do not need your ice in my bones.
You are only a temporary love
They say you can get lost in someone’s eyes, but I look into yours and I can find my way out. You must have sold your soul to the devil because your eyes don’t shine so bright and the ocean they should be is just a pond. And that woman you’re sleeping with doesn’t have a name. That cigarette was just a way to forget. And those eyes still show what could’ve been.
Those aren’t your blue eyes
When he left, it was the color of the sheets. The first day without him, it was color of my coffee. The first time I saw him alone in that room, it was the feel of the air. The last time I saw him, it was color of my tears hitting the cold, tile floor. That bitter January day, with the casket lowering into the hole in the earth. That day became the color of my heart.
The color is blue
The shower is the only place I don’t crave your touch. The warmth of the water is the only thing that reminds me of your body on mine.
I miss you
“I love you.” The only thing I’m absolutely sure of in this messed up world. And I hope the same doesn’t hold true for you because the light in your eyes is too bright to be dimmed by falling victim to this thing called love.
It has destroyed so many
Sitting in complete silence with you isn't awkward anymore. In fact, it brings me great joy in knowing that just my presence is enough for you. And that we don't need to do anything of extravagance is a comfort of its very own.
While you slept with your dog
I look at you and can't help but fall in love with you all over again.
I'm yours now and forever
Your touch is like electricity on my skin. I jolt at the feeling of your hand on my back. It makes me feel both safe and completely vulnerable at the same time, and I crave it when we are together.
You are my drug
Our late night conversations show me who you really are. You aren't just the tough boy that I've come to love, you are a hopeless romantic deep down. And when it's 2 am and we both can't sleep we show each other just how much we truly love each other.
I think I'm in love
You make waking up something to be excited about. Because waking up means I get to see you again.
My reason to live #1
My worst nightmare is waking up to you not next to me. That you will fall out of love. That all of the little things I do will start to annoy you. My worst nightmare is being there when you kiss another girl. That everything about us was a lie. My worst nightmare is watching you walk out on what we had.
Losing you is my biggest fear
A sleepless night isn't as bad as it could be when I am talking with you.
2 am Thoughts
I thought you weren't coming back, so I gave up hoping you would. I gave up because someone like me doesn't just become friends with someone like you. Someone of your caliber would go to someone much more deserving and not already gone.
Inside the Artist #6
Maybe it was just the lighting with the trees and the half hidden sun, but I swear, you are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. And you wanted to sit next to me. Unbelievable.
Inside the Artist #3
It's so close. But why can't I touch it? My fingers just barely graze the surface, but they can't hold onto the feeling. I can't keep my eyes shut forever. I want to. I want to grab onto my oblivion and never let it go.
Inside the Artist #1
How can you think I’m the most beautiful creature you've ever seen? I still can’t look myself in the eye in front of the mirror.
I’m starting to believe you
How to get the guy. A five step guide. Easy to follow instructions. Results may include but are not guaranteed to include butterflies in stomach, hypocrisy, fake laughs, fake smiles, jealousy, greed, true love, and a broken heart.
Is it really worth it
I'd like to say that I'm alive. But I can't. I feel more like a ghost as I walk through the halls, my touch barely changing anything as I go past. My voice only a whisper in the wind as I yell for help out of the repeating hell. Because to be alive, you just be doing something extraordinary. Otherwise, you become something of a shadow left to watch as everyone forgets about you.
I'd love to feel alive
You look at me but see her. You touch my skin, but you feel her. You kiss my lips, but you think that your lips are touching hers. I’m not her. I’m not the perfectly thin girl you used to date. My stomach comes out to play most nights, but you don't know this yet. I’d rather not be picked up and spun around yet you do it anyway. I’m not her. Yet you still call me pretty, attractive, fit. I feel I am none of these things. You look at me, but you see this perfect image of what I wish I was. You look at me and see something I’m just not.
I’m not her
I love the wind bringing me along with it was my feet and legs work together with my arms, turning over at a rate so fast it acts as my own heart beat. Pain that will only last for at least 20 minutes welcomes me in a strong embrace that I will kindly welcome, leaving the door open as long as it will come and go. I work for that pain so I can receive the pride of winning personal battles. Personal records will always come and go, but running will always be my one true love. For it works with my whole body, it tells me that it loves me, giving good days with good runs. Others I will get scolded for even trying to put on spikes that many other great runners have worn before, because my time is not now and will not happen. I must be ready to achieve the level of greatness that my love wants for me. My love makes me a lion, a hunter, but also a gazelle, gracefully adapted to what I know to do. My first love will give me gifts, perseverance and stamina to complete my goals, because he only wants the best for me. But he will also make my days difficult and proud. Giving me reason to continue going ahead. To continue to love him.
Why I run
How do I get you to notice me and my feelings? How do I get you to see how hard I've fallen? And how in the hell will I know if you've fallen just as hard for me if you do everything you can to conceal it?
When you say we aren't friends while smiling. I know you're lying