Experience Tumblr like never before
I thought I knew what love was. Love was sitting in my health class sophomore year. Love wouldn't date me until one of us could drive a car. Love played lacrosse and was a goalie, we bonded over that. Then college came 2 years later, and love left as quickly as it came. Love became constant fights about pointless things. Love became jealous and controlling. Love ended at roughly 11:30 pm on a Tuesday night. Turns out I didn't know what love was. A month later, love's ugly cousin loneliness came in disguised as love. Loneliness was a scrawny blonde who tried to be "country". Loneliness couldn't play sports, but I was okay with that as long as I wasn't alone. Loneliness became an on and off relationship that I couldn't let go of because it had love's fond embrace. I used loneliness as an excuse to date. Loneliness left on Mother's Day around 11:30 AM, and I went to the store because I didn't know why I was so sad that loneliness, the one I had been begging myself to leave, was gone. Turns out, love also went to the store that day. Love had also just gotten out of a long term relationship. Love had texted me a few days prior to make fun of me because that was what love had done when we were friends in the past. This love was different than the love that sat in sophomore year health class. This love was sporadic 45 minute conversations in the most random places. This love popped up when I needed it the most at any point in my life. This love accepted me for who I am. Love has a fast car, and a motorcycle. Love knows I like to play with my hair. Love knows I don't get out much, but love is ok with that because he brings me to the most beautiful places. But between you and me, I don't care where this love takes me, because, I know what love is, and he treats me the right way and has the most beautiful hazel eyes and the cutest dimples I've ever seen. I know what love is because he sleeps next to me (almost) every night. I know what love is and he is the most authentic man I have ever met.
Love is in my thoughts
Dear Me, You are much stronger than you think you are. You have your whole life in front of yourself. The number on the scale isn’t a life determiner. That bottle on the counter isn’t something to reach for. Remember what you have. When it’s three in the morning and you can’t close your eyes look to your left at the beautiful brunette boy next to you. He’s been kinder to you than you’ve been to yourself. You have all of the love you need, you are important to more than the deadline you have to make. Don’t regret what you’ve done. Look back on your years and smile. Just smile. Because you made it this far, you’ve had bad days but you’ve had more good ones. Don’t think of what you have to accomplish. Go out and do you. Because you are you. And at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.
With Love
Dear Expectations, You are always there when I need you the least. You make a simple task feel immensely impossible. You run my fingers raw while writing a paper, my mind to exhaustion to be absolute perfection, and my body to sleep deprivation in search of a grade no less than what I need to pass. In the search of a way around you, I stand in your shadow, unable to overtake the panic that you make arise in my chest, the pounding that never ceases until after the deadline has passed or my grade sealed in the grave that you have been helping me dig. your shadow isn't big enough to keep me inside, it is not bog enough to harbor the panic and the anxiety that you bring with you wherever you go. Following you like two hungry watch dogs, waiting for me to fall to the ground, to feast upon what is left. While you are there to bring me up when I have to do my best, you bring an illusion of a silver lining making this seem worth it in the slightest sense. For the reward of praise is too much to ask from you when all you deal in deceit and terror.
With no love
The line between you and me is becoming far too wide far too fast. And I’m scared of what will come after the divide is so great that neither of us can jump across to the other. Will you grab my hand if I can't hold on? Or will my hands, bloodied by the drifted parts of us, leave you drawing away, ever nearer to a future where you and I do not exist anymore.
She’s become a priority when we are are together