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Intracommunity Issues - Blog Posts
i cannot believe that in 2025
there are people on bluesky who proudly put on their profiles being "baeddel" like, that shit didn't work here in the 2010s tumblr (where it originated), so why the fuck are you trying to make it come back, lmao
actually i wouldn't be surprised if this-certain-group of trans ppl on bluesky are actually all baeddels but just not saying it out loud.
seeing them all still talking about "cissexual" privilege when refering to other TRANS ppl, the classic "you are trans but NOT REALLY trans like me", im just gonna say, be careful with this kind of thinking.
for context:
no, being "baeddel" is not good AT ALL. please, don't let anyone tell you otherwise bc, holy fuck, just read the whole thing and be wary. it's pretty much TERF rethoric, only trans version (also known as TIRF), lmao
i found out about this whole "baeddel" around the end of last year, and it was like "woah what the fuck??????" i had no idea this kind of shit happened. please, read it in full 😩😩
(edit: an updated version of this article is also here on tumblr!!)
So much pointless LGBT+ discourse could be avoided if people just stopped assuming they knew everything about the oppression OTHER identities face.
For example, if you’re nonbinary, you can absolutely talk about the struggles you’ve dealt with as a nonbinary person, and speak of the issues your community is dealing with. But if you’re not transfem, it’s not your place to comment on how transfem issues compare to your own.
And if you’re a trans woman, you should absolutely not be talking about how trans men “have it easier” or what transitioning is like for them, because you fundamentally don’t know! You’re not a trans man!
And it goes both ways- trans men shouldn’t speak on trans women’s issues! Binary trans people shouldn’t claim to know what it’s like to be nonbinary!
It even hearkens back to older varieties of discourse, like ace discourse. You saw non-ace people talking about what THEY thought being ace was like, because they believed that being LGBT+ themselves made them the arbiters of oppression.
Or hell, gay men claiming that lesbians had it sooo easy compared to what they went through! Like, man, how the hell would you know, you're not a lesbian!
Just. Stop! Stop talking about the assumed experiences of other people! Being one flavor of queer doesn’t mean you’re the expert on ALL queer oppression! LISTEN to other people, stop talking over them!
I think if people accepted this, 90% of stupid online identity discourse would vanish overnight.
I think at the end of the day, my opinion on all flavors of LGBT+ label discourse will always be: “If you do not belong to a community, you do not get to decide what words that community gets to coin and use.”
If you’re not ace, you shouldn't tell ace people they’re not allowed to use aspec or aphobia.
If you’re not intersex, you shouldn't tell intersex people they’re not allowed to use intersexism or CAGAB.
If you're not a trans woman, you shouldn't tell trans women they can't use the word transmisogyny.
If you’re not a trans man or transmasc, you’re not allowed to tell them they can’t use transandrophobia. And you certainly can’t redefine the word to suit your arguments against it.
Hell, even if you are a part of a community, you don’t get to decide what words OTHER PEOPLE can use.
I’m agender. I don’t like it when people refer to me as an “enby” bc I’m not a huge fan of the word, but it’s not my place to tell other nonbinary people they’re not allowed to use it just because I personally dislike it.
You’d have to be a grade-a asshole to think otherwise.
Trans men do not have it easier than trans women.
Trans women do not have it easier than trans men.
Right now, trans women are dealing with hypervisibility. This means these women are the target of a shitton of gross caricatures and blatant transmisogyny in the news and in media. This means lawmakers will name trans women directly as they ban feminine transition and try to wipe them from existence. This means you can’t go a day without hearing about the horrible things happening to trans women all over the world.
Right now, trans men are dealing with invisibility. This means these men are the target of hate crimes that are never reported, or are reported as violence against women. This means lawmakers can sneakily ban masculine transition under the guise of “preserving female fertility” and “preventing young girls from mutilating themselves”. This means their stories don’t get as much attention, even when trans men get murdered in broad daylight.
No, this doesn’t mean violence against trans women never goes unreported, or that anti-transmasc caricatures don’t exist.
One group does not have it easier than the other- instead, they face transphobia that is enacted and enforced by society in different ways. Claiming that one is "better" than the other makes you a transphobe and contributes to the problem.
For the love of fuck please just TALK and LISTEN to people outside of your own community.
(I am aware this is an extremely binary take on this- I’m nonbinary myself, but I haven’t seen as many people arguing that nonbinary people have it easier. I’m sure there are plenty, if I haven’t already blocked their sorry asses.)
I keep seeing people say shit like “I’m against transandrophobia because it’s just a way for trans men to excuse their transmisogyny!”
“Using transandrophobia just means you hate transfems!”
And I wish I could say to these people, as bluntly as possible
Transandrophobia isn’t about you.
Trans men talking about their oppression doesn’t hurt you.
A transmasc person discussing their concerns about forced pregnancy and detransition doesn't mean they think trans women have it better.
A trans man saying “hey, I don’t pass easily, and I still experience misogyny!” doesn't mean he thinks transmisogyny is fake and you pass easily.
A trans man bringing up how invisibility means hate crimes against trans men often go unreported doesn't mean he thinks hypervisibility is any better.
A non-American trans man telling you that no, his life is not actually easier than yours, doesn't mean he thinks you are lying about your experiences.
People saying “Hey, I think trans men are oppressed!” does not mean they think trans women are NOT oppressed.
That's a whole new sentence.
Yes, there are going to be bad faith actors and bigots in every community. Transmisogyny is something we all have to watch out for, because it is so normalized in our society. No one identity is exempt from this.
No one identity is uniquely transmisogynistic, either.
You can’t insist every person who believes in transandrophobia hates transfems and is out to get you, specifically.
It’s not about you.
You want proof? Talk to the trans men and mascs who actually use the tag, listen to them for once. Hear their stories about the oppression they have experienced, and, crucially, don’t derail it and make it about you.
You don’t have to like the term. Hell, even if you’re a trans man or transmasc, you don’t have to use it! But don’t police the people who do.
Can we take a moment to think about the younger trans men and mascs on tumblr right now?
I was a teenager when ace and transmed discourses were at their peaks, and I can’t exaggerate how badly it affected me then.
Now trans men are the latest target, and I’m terrified for trans kids.
It’s easy to say “intracommunity discourse is an online problem! Go talk to queer people irl!”, but people forget that so many kids and teenagers do not have safe or reliable access to IRL LGBT+ communities and support groups. For many, online spaces are the only option.
We need to make sure the younger members of our community are being heard, and block out the hateful voices with messages of support and encouragement. Things are bad enough for trans people right now, and it's easy to forget that trans minors are often the ones suffering the most.
To any younger trans men or transmasculine people reading this:
The hate you are experiencing isn’t normal, it hasn’t always been like this, and it won’t always be this way. It is bleeding out from a small, miserable group of self-absorbed jerks.
Don’t feel obligated to call them out, don’t feel like you have to interact with these people. Please don’t doomscroll through discourse tags; it will make you feel like everyone is out to get you.
If you want to speak up for your community, that’s fine, but please take a break if you feel like your mental health is worsening. Block anybody who so much as breathes rudely in your direction.
You’re just as trans as the rest of us. You are welcome here.
Oh, and if you want to seek out external resources and groups, PFLAG helped me a lot when I was younger. It is an American-based organization, however, so if anyone has recommendations for those living outside of the US, please let me know in the reblogs!
Hey we all know pronouns aren't a privilege, right?
It doesn't matter how "annoying" a trans person is, it doesn't matter if they disagree with you on some intracommunity issue-
Use the pronouns they have in their bio, or the pronouns they ask you to use. Even if you really don't like them, or you think they're problematic.
Your comfort with somebody's pronouns isn't a factor. Using ANY other pronoun for a user that prefers it/its is misgendering. Same with neopronouns. If you can't manage it, don't talk to it.
Oh and just to be clear-
Claiming that a trans woman's account is actually "run by a man" is misgendering. Saying a trans man's blog is part of some "secret terf circle" is misgendering. Pretending a person is actually your oppressor in disguise so you can misgender them is, get this, misgendering!
I don't care how much you dislike someone, use the right fucking pronouns.
The world is a better place with trans men in it. So never apologize for being one.
Don’t let this stupid discourse prevent you from transitioning! Don’t let people dedicated to misunderstanding you have any impact on how you live your life!
Yes, there will be assholes. I know it hurts more when the people who should support you are the ones attacking you- trust me, I’ve been there.
But at the end of the day, they’re not the ones living your life. They don’t know what’s best for you- you do.
It’s all up to you to decide; what being a man means to you, your relationship with masculinity, and what you want out of your transition.
There’s no wrong answer except for the one others try to force on you.
I can’t wait to see who you become!
To any trans men or mascs scrolling through discourse tags right now:
I know things on tumblr may seem dire, but I promise the majority of the LGBT+ community doesn’t think this way.
You are allowed to be loud, to get angry. You deserve to have a voice. You have the right to speak up when people say things that hurt you- yes, even if these people are also LGBT+
Just know that these assholes DO NOT represent all of us. Don't let them trick you into believing otherwise. They may convince themselves that they are the “voice of the community” or whatever, but they’re just another hateful clique of bullies.
It’s not your job to fix those bigots’ toxic worldviews; you owe them nothing. You’re doing plenty by continuing to exist and advocating for yourself. Keep doing it as loudly and proudly as possible.
The rest of us have got your back, and you’re welcome here. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.