Exorsexism - Blog Posts

the problem with being an intersex nonbinary person is that you have experienced both uniquely transmasc and transfem things, but because you are neither you can join neither conversation without being told “you’re afab you can’t have experienced this!” or “you’ve not medically transitioned so this can’t happen to you!”

intersex trans people exist. intersex nonbinary people exist. regardless of what our “agab” is, or whether we’ve taken hormones or not, we have experiences that need to be included in your conversations. by gatekeeping these conversations you’re leaving vital voices out of the narrative.

Not a fan of egg jokes in general, but it's so telling that it's always like 'oh you use flower deodorant now? can't wait to check on you next year, girlfriend' and not like 'oh you don't wear nail polish anymore? can't wait to see an agender flag pin on your vest' or whatever. Like it's always binary egg jokes, we can't ever be anything else when trying out differently gendered activities.

this is exorsexism.

Name a better couple than transphobic trans people/misgendering anybody they don't like, I'll wait

My posts are all: "Hey, don't talk over trans men when they want to discuss their oppression!" "Nonbinary people aren't being treated very well right now, and we're being erased by the rest of the community." "Trans men and trans women aren't enemies." "Care about identities that aren't your own, include other trans people in your advocacy."

Which is apparently a grave enough offense to misgender me and compare me to a nazi, go figures.

It goes to show that some people are really transphobic before they transition, and they refuse to address this after their egg cracks.

Please stop forgetting nonbinary people!

Theyfab isn't a transmasc-specific slur. It's always been used against any nonbinary person assumed to be AFAB.

Though the AGAB of nonbinary people is nobody's business in the first place, it bears repeating that not every AFAB nonbinary person is transmasculine, just as not every AMAB nonbinary person is transfeminine.

These bigots aren't just transphobic towards trans men/mascs, they're exorsexist as well. We'll be stronger if we stick up for each other and push back against them together!

Edit: Just to make it clear, theyfab is being used against transmascs as well! I just want people to also acknowledge the non-transmasc nonbinary people being hurt.

So much pointless LGBT+ discourse could be avoided if people just stopped assuming they knew everything about the oppression OTHER identities face.

For example, if you’re nonbinary, you can absolutely talk about the struggles you’ve dealt with as a nonbinary person, and speak of the issues your community is dealing with. But if you’re not transfem, it’s not your place to comment on how transfem issues compare to your own.

And if you’re a trans woman, you should absolutely not be talking about how trans men “have it easier” or what transitioning is like for them, because you fundamentally don’t know! You’re not a trans man!

And it goes both ways- trans men shouldn’t speak on trans women’s issues! Binary trans people shouldn’t claim to know what it’s like to be nonbinary!

It even hearkens back to older varieties of discourse, like ace discourse. You saw non-ace people talking about what THEY thought being ace was like, because they believed that being LGBT+ themselves made them the arbiters of oppression.

Or hell, gay men claiming that lesbians had it sooo easy compared to what they went through! Like, man, how the hell would you know, you're not a lesbian!

Just. Stop! Stop talking about the assumed experiences of other people! Being one flavor of queer doesn’t mean you’re the expert on ALL queer oppression! LISTEN to other people, stop talking over them!

I think if people accepted this, 90% of stupid online identity discourse would vanish overnight.

I'm so sick of this.

I see a post, and think "Oh hey this person has really good takes on transmisogyny!"

And then I go to follow their blog and it’s full of rancid shit about trans men and nonbinary people they all assume to be AFAB.

I hate that this is happening more often lately. It’s not hard to advocate for trans women without tearing other minorities down.

Would it kill you people to acknowledge non-binary and genderqueer people?

Would it kill you to remember that the terms transmasculine and transfeminine are not synonymous with binary trans men and binary trans women?

Would it kill you to remember that there are those who are not transmasculine and face the same issues as transmasculine people and that there are those who are not transfeminine but face the same issues as transfeminine people?

Would it kill you to add even a token acknowledgment of non-binary and genderqueer people when you talk about trans issues in a needlessly and harmfully binary way?

Would it fucking kill you to stop and think about us for a single moment?

regressing

it is genuinely mind blowing to me that somebody can say "i want all trans people who were afab to be killed/assaulted/beaten/raped" and then go on to call themself a feminist. no bestie you are a raging transphobic misogynist and you should not be allowed around children or vulnerable adults!

I kinda love it when bigots act like getting reported and removed from tumblr is such a betrayal and PROOF everyone on the site is out to get them, personally.

No, trust me. You tell trans women to kill themselves, you call trans men and nonbinary people cuntboys and theyfabs, all while harassing other queers you don’t like- getting your blog deleted is the kindest thing you deserve.

Trans transphobes are traitors to the LBGT+ community. Stay away from my brothers and sisters and siblings. We don’t want you here.

Maybe if your blog is gone you’ll spend less time online. Touch some grass. Become a less shitty person.

 (I hope it goes without saying, but this is obviously not about the innocent trans women who get randomly deleted from the site because it’s run by raging transmisogynists.)

Transgender transphobes on tumblr:

“Trans men are subhuman! I hope all TMEs get cancer and die! Forced pregnancy isn’t that bad, these whiny bitches should be grateful they can get pregnant!”

The same trans transphobes in their personal posts: “IDK why, It’s like, I have no trans friends… I just feel so miserable all the time… everyone hates me…”

Gee, I wonder if there’s a correlation here. Maybe log off until you’ve learned to be a halfway decent person.

It does go to show that the majority of the LGBT+ community isn't like this, however. It's just a handful of deeply miserable and self-loathing people who prefer hurting others over trying to fix their own issues. Their word should never be taken as gospel, or a reflection of what the rest of us think

Don't talk to tar pits, just report, block, and move on.

 The cycle of “invisible” oppression in the LBGT+ community:

You face sexual abuse, workplace discrimination, medical discrimination, and violence

It never gets reported, or is lumped in with the statistics of a different oppressed group.

Data and “proof” regarding your discrimination is spotty or nonexistent as best, so nobody advocates for you or talks about it in the media

Other LGBT+ people don’t personally hear about it, so they claim it doesn’t exist/they have it worse while dismissing and denying your personal experiences.

The discrimination continues to happen unopposed

This isn’t me arguing that hypervisibility is any better. It goes without saying that the hypervisibility of certain groups (Trans women, gay men, etc) contributes to their oppression, and has made things incredibly dangerous for them right now.

I just want people to acknowledge the dangers of invisibility as well.

Trans men, intersex people, nonbinary people, asexual people… There are so many groups in the LGBT+ community who get left behind and ignored while society tries to eradicate us.

You need to care about people like us, too. Please include other identities in your advocacy. We can't have trans/queer unity until you acknowledge and support ALL of us.

I am only going to respond to this once, because I’ve found it isn’t productive to argue with people online about what terms certain queer people are allowed to coin and use.

You clearly have some internalized transphobia you need to work out. You have an incredibly patronizing and dismissive attitude towards trans men and transmascs. You reblog from people who are actively hateful and bigoted, not just towards trans men, but nonbinary and intersex people as well. You reblog posts talking about how much you want to fuck trans men while dismissing their concerns, which comes of as fetishistic.

Being trans yourself does not give you a free pass to act this way.

It doesn’t matter if you think the term “transandrophobia” is valid or not, or if you claim it comes from problematic roots.

You are not a trans man. You are not part of their community. You do not get to say what words they get to use, and they do not need your permission to discuss their oppression. You do not get to say what they do or do not experience, because you do not KNOW their experiences, and you clearly aren’t willing to listen to the ones that disagree with you.

Look at the replies and reblogs here, how many people are saying your attitude towards trans men is insulting and demeaning. Regardless of your opinion on the word transandrophobia, you are behaving inappropriately. This much is clear.

Additionally, you are dismissing not just the struggles of trans men, but intersex and nonbinary people as well. The supreme court is actively hurting these groups, and your refusal to acknowledge this shows that either you are ignorant of the struggles of other LGBT+ identities, or you just don't care.

You are not immune to holding transphobic and bigoted ideals. Everybody in this society has them regardless of identity, and it’s your job to acknowledge your biases and unlearn them. Learn to support the rest of the LBGT+ community outside of the groups you belong to, or at least work on your own internalized transphobia before you try to join these discussions.

Fighting for your rights is not like sharing a pie. I promise you can care about transmisogyny and the issues trans women are facing without dismissing the concerns of your transgender brothers and siblings.

Trans men I love you. Trans-androphobia is not real. Putting ‘trans-‘ on a phenomenon that doesn’t exist does not describe a new thing. What you’re facing is overlapping transphobia and misogyny. I’m sorry people online got mad at you for saying it’s that, but it’s that.

. You are men, regardless of if you dress fem. Bigots and sexists don’t see you as the man you are, or even as trans. It’s not in a “transgender” way they hate you; they see us as bad men or women, to correct however violently the group finds. Which is misogyny. It’s obvious to me, a trans woman who doesn’t easily pass, that misogynists see trans people simply as bad male/females.

Cis women who don’t do femininity (at least the patriarchy’s standards) are treated the same BY THESE PEOPLE as trans men; as something to correct into an incubator. Lesbians, hairy and fat women, racialized women, strong and confident women receive these same things. Women whose muscles are visible are told that their strength makes them ugly. Which is misogyny. And the disgusting things people say about T’s effects on you is rooted in that.

Trans men I love you. I’m sorry that everyone parrots that men are also affected by patriarchy, yet you feel unease at using the word misogyny. Misandry and androphobia are words for League of Legends players though.

Trans men I love you. You do not want your issues to be a Supreme Court decision removing specifically your personhood, nor do I. What you face is misogyny. Let’s call it that, and face it together 💖

With my issues having been ignored for 21 years, I’d rather it than at very best, everyone around me debating how much I should exist in public.

Being part of a marginalized group does not give you a free pass to say bigoted things about another marginalized group.

Hello, here to remind people that this discourse is hurting nonbinary people as well, especially nonbinary transmascs.

Please include your nonbinary siblings in your advocacy, and don’t forget to uplift their voices as well. The assholes calling people “theyfabs” and denying the existence of transandrophobia aren’t just out to get trans men.

Half the posts I see are about "theyfab trender tme they/hes", they hate nonbinary people too.

Trans men are left out of the conversation far too often; please don't repeat the same mistake with a different group.

I’m sorry , but where the hell did people hear that ‘theyfab’ originated as a term to ‘call out transmisogynistic afab nonbinary people’ 😭.

It’s from 4chan . It’s from /tttt .

'Theyfab' was made to mock afab nonbinary ppl that they labeled as 'trenders' because they think being nonbinary was made up by 'white girls who want to be quirky'.

The term 'Theymad' is used to - to a much lesser extent then theyfab - and it's used to mock amab nonbinary people for either being 'closeted trans women' or for being 'femboys in denial'.

Wait are these assholes trying to claim the concept of a dysphoria hoodie was stolen from trans women

Dysphoria Hoodies??? Really? As we know, the concept of wearing a Baggy Article of Clothing to deal with your dysphoria was nonexistent until the first ever trans woman discovered the magic of the hoodie.

Really???

I was wearing those before I knew what being trans was! Shockingly, if you're dysphoric about a part of your body, your first instinct may be to cover it up with easily available gender-neutral clothing... such as, I don't know, a hoodie? But no, those mean transmascs and nonbinaries stole it from women, who would have guessed :(

Guess we gotta add it to the list, along with "cat ear headphones" and "eggs" and "liking anime."

Say it with me:

If you go out of your way to harass and argue with trans women, you deny them their right to discuss their oppression, and you only ever see the worst in them, you being

Transphobic!

Now, if you go out of your way to harass and argue with trans men, you deny them their right to discuss their oppression, and you only ever see the worst in them, you are still being

Transphobic!

And of course, if you go out of your way to harass and argue with nonbinary people, you deny them their right to discuss their oppression, and you only ever see the worst in them, you are (yet again) being

Transphobic!

No, it doesn't matter if you're a trans woman, a trans man, or nonbinary yourself! You're still being a bigot. Unlearn your internalized transphobia and play nice with the other queers. The fascists hate all of us, stop doing their work for them.

Was doing some light reading, and came across this paper that reminded me of discourse from a few weeks back.

Anyone remember when that post was floating around about how "theyfab" was actually invented by transfems to make fun of trans men/enbies who use their AGAB as a shield to protect themselves against criticism? Basically leveraging "oh I'm just a female, I'm so innocent", strawman bullshit?

Then others chimed in about how it actually came from 4chan as a way to mock enbies who aren't "trans enough"?

Well, here's an actual academic source on the issue, to shove a knife in this whole argument, as I'm sure it'll pop up again:

...

Sure looks like the "transandrobros" were right once again

Straight from an actual academic paper

"Theyfab" is infact 4chan lingo made to shit on people "not doing trans right" and isn't some transfem counter culture buzzword like some people claim it to be

*nonbinary person calls themself lesbian* "only women can be lesbian!"

*nonbinary person calls themself gay* "you're not attracted to the same gender though!"

*nonbinary person calls themself straight* "that doesn't make any sense!"

*nonbinary person calls themself trixic* "made up label!"

*nonbinary person calls themself toric* "unnecessary label!"

*nonbinary person calls themself gynosexual/romantic/etc.* "you're equating women with vaginas!"

*nonbinary person calls themself androsexual/romantic/etc.* "you're reducing men to penises!*

*nonbinary person calls themself skoliosexual/romantic/etc.* "nonbinary doesn't have a look! you can't be attracted to nonbinary people!"

*nonbinary person calls themself bi* "you're reinforcing the gender binary!"

*nonbinary person calls themself pan* "you're othering transgender people!"

*nonbinary person calls themself poly* "you're just trying to be special!"

*nonbinary person calls themself omni* "that's not a real thing!"

*nonbinary person calls themself ace/aro* "you're just a cisgender heterosexual invading the community!"

*nonbinary person calls themself queer* "that's too vague!"

*binary person uses a label to explicitly express attraction to nonbinary people* "you're fetishising nonbinary people!"

the thread that ties them all together isn't that our labels are wrong or don't make sense, it's that you don't want us to exist and hate on us no matter what we do.

It’s funny how so many of these proudly transandrophobic blogs are just. Blatantly intersexist and exorsexist as well. Literally just blocked a binary trans person who had four posts in a row whinging about nonbinary people and their “esoteric non-man genders”

And if they're not doing that, they're saying intersex individuals shouldn’t speak up about the casual intersexism rampant in the LGBT+ community, because it makes queer perisex people sad :(

Sometimes these dumbasses even go for triple, and call every transfem whose even vaguely supportive of trans men “pick mes” or “brainwashed puppets” or even “trans men in disguise”, because nothing says you’re supportive of trans women like a dose of transmisogyny!

I guess anyone who is proudly a bigot towards one group is probably gonna be a bigot to others, even if they try to pretend otherwise.

Makes em easy to block, though. One less dumbass on my dash, hope they figure their shit out bc god damn, it’s embarrassing to witness.

people on here will brag about how awful they are to AFAB trans people ("""TMEs""") like they're somehow getting back at the cishet queerphobes. i don't know how to break it to you that cishet queerphobes also hate AFAB people. you're not being progressive by doing the exact same thing but because AFAB trans people aren't "acceptable" trans people, or whatever. singling out and bullying and abusing AFAB trans people isn't helping society accept AMAB trans women any faster. admitting that you don't view them as trans is literal transphobia. it's the exact same shit you were taught by cisheteronormative patriarchy. you're not coming up with something new by finding even more ways and reasons to treat AFAB trans people like shit.

cisheteronormative patriarchy already discredits AFAB people and tells them they can't be reliable narrators and that they have no idea what they're talking about, especially with regards to their own identities and the decisions they make. this isn't feminism. this isn't gender or sex liberation. it's the opposite. you don't get to treat AFAB people like shit just like literally everyone else and try to put some kind of fake radical liberal spin on it to make it acceptable.

bc i just saw a post use the word: if you use “theyfab” to speak about transmasc/nonbinary people (who may have been afab, but amab intersex people who are transmasc or nonbinary exist too), then you are not a person i want to interact with. all you want to do is misgender the people who speak about transmasc oppression by basically calling them woman lite. and you can fuck off.

I think we desperately need more focus on exorsexism/nbphobia & analysis of nonbinary place in society that doesn't just generalize binary experiences. It's very very exhausting seeing nonbinary things barely every get discussed UNLESS they can be grouped under transfem/transmasc issues.

& this is kind of hypocritical of me to say because I know that "nonbinary" is such an expansive term on purpose! and I like that! maybe we need different terminology because like both as someone who is equally a man and a woman (androgyne) & as someone who is agender+neutrois there are experiences I have that are not addressed by such binary-focused thinking. Even when people are inclusive of nonbinary people... you still rarely see discussions ABOUT androgynes or neutral people that center us and explore the ways we are treated AS nonbinary people. Like the ways that misandrogyny has made me feel scared of being androgynous & the feeling that androgyny is inherently ugly. The internalized distress of wondering if it's even possible to be transneutral when woman/manhood is so defined by community and there just isn't any of that for us (literally smth that caused a huge depressive episode a few months ago). The lack of awareness about alternative HRT/SRS. The lack of androgynous and neutral and third-gendered language for us to describe ourselves & our relationships. The way that a LOT of binary trans people throughout the modern history of the trans community consider/ed nonbinary identity ad a stepping stone towards binary identity, something lesser that you only do when you can't commit (hello biphobia!), AND as something that somehow makes you safer, you don't suffer as much- as if it's safer being physically androgynous around transphobes when it's your desired presentation- you arent as REAL. Literally transmeds will argue that exorsexism doesn't exist because it's all "just transphobia" and "not unique" (god that sounds familiar). The forced binarization of all of us & also the forced degendering of androgynes who are never allowed to be considered "real" men and "real" women. The idea that two transneutral people who present the same SHOULD be forced into the transmasc/transfem binary based on their AGABs because "that's all cis people see so it's what matters the most," which only serves to disconnect us from each other & silence us calling out the exorsexism we experience from those communities.

This got longer than I meant but tl;dr we deserve better methinks