Isn't It Insane Though How Schizophrenic People Are Viewed As Violent And Dangerous By The Majority Of

This was us...

This is exactly how I remember it.

A family vacation coming up

The day before we leave

She was super excited about it just yesterday,

But I noticed she seemed a little sad.

Today its just...distant.

Quiet...short responses...but most of all

The feeling 8n the air itself that terrible things are about to happen.

It's easier now, to see that it is probably my ptsd...

But it does confirm that there is ptsd to work through, and that makes me sad.

Because I'm fidgeting just hoping and praying and doing everything in my power to be kind and thoughtful and PERFECT

Because I trained myself for years to avoid the outburst I could never keep from coming.

I'm the protagonist and let me tell you it ISN'T A GOOD THING

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Yesterday was hard, today is much the same. My sobriety is one of the few things I have left that are purely good and I am happy to say that just for today I feel happy being and staying sober. I just keep reminding myself that things will get better.

And if they don't, we'll at least I can look forward to the end.

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Amazing. Nothing unusual there.

Today is harder than any day I ever thought I'd bare;

It's even harder cause I'm surrounded by people who do not care.

They may care about me and the pain that runs through,

But they are perfectly incapable of actually missing you.

I feel that you're still out there though it does feel far away;

How am I supposed to accept that you have gone a different way?

I've loved and fought for so long I don't know how to stop,

And it's even fucking harder to finally give up.

I worshipped you, I prayed for you, I fell down to my knees

Hopin' and prayin' for a life we fought to see;

But now you've taken your own life and brought it to an end;

I thought that at the very least I'd find a way to call you friend.

I thought I had accepted that our love just couldn't be,

But what I failed to realize was how strong you were still holding on to me.

I was holding onto hope for us harder than any drug I've had,

Even though I knew that any ending would only turn out bad.

But this was not an end that I'd ever thought I'd see,

Now you're gone and taken every single piece of me.

Sometimes...this is all you need.

Do yourself a favor. Sound up. Enjoy.

Today is hard and horrible; my wounds gaping and sore. Every moment brings another knife of memory from before.

Anger pulses through me followed by crippling sadness. I feel nothing but my own craving for madness.

I'd give anything, everything, just to go back; just to wake up hung over after New Years again.

I would do so much different, and so much the same, but in the end my only goal would be to save you.

You: passionate, loyal, brave and kind. Cursed and playful with a magnificent mind.

It's almost been two months and I still cannot see how there is any possibility that you gave up on me.

isn't it insane though how schizophrenic people are viewed as violent and dangerous by the majority of society when in reality schizophrenic people are nearly 14 times more likely to be on the receiving end of violence than to be the perpetrators...

Sometimes trying to remind yourself that a new love-interest won't help is like trying to convince a diabetic that even a little sugar is bad for them.