Oh No, I'm In The Furry Community. I Know Exactly How People React They Find Out.

you should show support for a victim more than you demosntrate hate towards an abuser. you should care more about the harm caused than the action. you should always prioritize helping someone in need over dissing a horrible person. good day

I figure when you’re involved in any discourse you’re more likely to see the best of the people you agree with and the worst of those you disagree with. So I’ve been trying to follow “both sides” of the discourse. Not because I actually agree with the anti-transmasc crowd, dear god no, but so I can have an easier time keeping an eye out for transmisogynists on our “side”

Buuuuut

I rarely see any actual transmisogyny?? Most of the time it’s strawman arguments accusing the entire transmasc community of something or other, or trying to police what words they can use.

The rest of the posts are stuff like “these vile transandrodorks HATE all trans women and think we should SHUT UP and DIE FOREVER” with no screenshots to back it up or show who said it.

Over and over: “transandrobros think trans women aren’t oppressed!” and “transandophobia-truthers are telling trans women they’re all lying about their experiences!” and “transandrodorks say transmisogyny isn’t real!”

WHO IS SAYING THIS!?

They can’t keep telling people this is what we believe without any proof! And if a substantial of people on our side are really saying this shit, I can’t find them!

I’ve blocked like, a handful of actual transmisogynists in the transandrophobia tag. Two of them were obvious cryptoterfs. One of them was cis. Please tell me where all the rest of these transphobic people are so we can report and deplatform them, jesus christ.

It’s also so much harder to find them when these assholes cry “transmisogyny” every time a trans man tries to talk about his own oppression. Or points out something they’re saying is hurting transmascs. Or breathes.

And for the record I’m not talking about the transmisogyny tag. Transmisogyny is absolutely real and a huge problem in queer circles. I’m looking at discourse blogs in particular.

It’s just… ugh. :/

The only transmisogyny I've seen from within the trans community has been from other trans women/fems, accusing trans women/fems who speak out against transandrophobia of being secretly men, or brainwashed.

Never seen a trans man act like that towards a trans woman/fem.

"Trans men and women are both suffering" and "trans women are often specifically targeted by bigotry and harassment even within their own communities and deserve to be able to talk about their own unique challenges without being talked over" and "trans men are often erased from conversations about how bigotry and transphobia targets them and are not exempt from all the horribly draconian laws transphobes are attempting to pass" and "being trans doesn't make you immune to participating in horrible transmisogyny even and especially if you aren't aware you're doing it" and "holy shit don't reinvent bioessentialism but for trans people like holy fuck men are not destined to be evil and women aren't automatically incapable of harm" are all opinions that can and fucking SHOULD coexist

Maybe the community could start saying “how could I be an ally to trans men” instead of “how can I tell you you’re wrong about your own experiences “

I really wish I could talk transfeminism to people in real life but I start saying stuff like "Men oppress women" really is too simplistic, and wrong. and, The patriarchy oppresses both men and women, and Cis men are rewarded for upholding It via misogyny, but Individual men aren't the patriarchy. people start looking at me funny

what the actual fuck...

non-transmasc. before you is a transmasc person talking about their experiences with being transmasculine and the oppression that they experience for being transmasculine. the bomb detonates if you tell them to just call it transphobia, if you imply their oppression/experience is incorrect, if you tell them that they signed up for it for being transmasculine. begin.

Daily reminder that :

-Validating a trans person's manhood only when you want to exclude them from certain communities is not being a trans ally.

-Validating a trans person's manhood only when you want to make them seen inherently predatory towards women is not being a trans ally.

-Validating a trans person's manhood only when you want to make comments such as ''eww...why would you want to be a man...?'' or ''k!ll all men,including trans men'' is not being a trans ally.

-Validating a trans person's manhood only when you want to talk about how they inherently have ''male privileges'' over women is not being a trans ally.

-Validating a trans person's manhood only when you want to exclude them from conversations about misogyny or reproductive rights is not being a trans ally.

Not a fan of egg jokes in general, but it's so telling that it's always like 'oh you use flower deodorant now? can't wait to check on you next year, girlfriend' and not like 'oh you don't wear nail polish anymore? can't wait to see an agender flag pin on your vest' or whatever. Like it's always binary egg jokes, we can't ever be anything else when trying out differently gendered activities.

this is exorsexism.

Can we take a moment to think about the younger trans men and mascs on tumblr right now?

I was a teenager when ace and transmed discourses were at their peaks, and I can’t exaggerate how badly it affected me then.

Now trans men are the latest target, and I’m terrified for trans kids.

It’s easy to say “intracommunity discourse is an online problem! Go talk to queer people irl!”, but people forget that so many kids and teenagers do not have safe or reliable access to IRL LGBT+ communities and support groups. For many, online spaces are the only option.

We need to make sure the younger members of our community are being heard, and block out the hateful voices with messages of support and encouragement. Things are bad enough for trans people right now, and it's easy to forget that trans minors are often the ones suffering the most.

To any younger trans men or transmasculine people reading this:

The hate you are experiencing isn’t normal, it hasn’t always been like this, and it won’t always be this way. It is bleeding out from a small, miserable group of self-absorbed jerks.

Don’t feel obligated to call them out, don’t feel like you have to interact with these people. Please don’t doomscroll through discourse tags; it will make you feel like everyone is out to get you.

If you want to speak up for your community, that’s fine, but please take a break if you feel like your mental health is worsening. Block anybody who so much as breathes rudely in your direction.

You’re just as trans as the rest of us. You are welcome here.

Oh, and if you want to seek out external resources and groups, PFLAG helped me a lot when I was younger. It is an American-based organization, however, so if anyone has recommendations for those living outside of the US, please let me know in the reblogs!