I Really Wish I Could Talk Transfeminism To People In Real Life But I Start Saying Stuff Like "Men Oppress

I’m sorry , but where the hell did people hear that ‘theyfab’ originated as a term to ‘call out transmisogynistic afab nonbinary people’ 😭.

It’s from 4chan . It’s from /tttt .

'Theyfab' was made to mock afab nonbinary ppl that they labeled as 'trenders' because they think being nonbinary was made up by 'white girls who want to be quirky'.

The term 'Theymad' is used to - to a much lesser extent then theyfab - and it's used to mock amab nonbinary people for either being 'closeted trans women' or for being 'femboys in denial'.

"Masculinity is rewarded" have you ever spoken to a transmasc or a butch or a tomboy or any masculine woman/person perceived as a woman. Have you ever spoken to a gnc transfem.

idk man i think that if you can read dozens and dozens of trans men talking about how their support systems abandoned them when they started getting too masculine on T or had top surgery or whatever, and queer spaces started treating them like threats or potential predators, and you find these stories going back to the 90s or even earlier, and you read all of that and come away thinking that there’s nothing wrong with how progressive communities treat men, you are just fundamentally beyond help dude. you don’t see us as people

A while back my pharmacist saw my deadname on my profile and accidentially called it out, he corrected and deleted my deadname from the system so only my preferred name shows up now. There was a crowd of people behind me, so as he hands over the pills he apologized, in equal tone and volume as when he called my deadname and lied saying it's been a long day and he didn't mean to call out -his own- name. I quietly told him it was fine and he didn't need to do that for my sake.

His response: "No, it's my name now."

I went to the pharmacist yesterday, his nametag is my deadname. He informed me he's immigrating and in the process he's changed his first name to my deadname to have an English sounding name. That's why he's now able to get a reprint of his nametag to be my deadname. And repeated, with the intense seriousness of someone who is going to die on this hill: "It's mine now. Not yours. I'm taking." His tone indicated that decision is final.

Bro literally deadnamed me once, and has committed to flat out stealing my deadname. It's his now. Legally. Officially. I over heard his co-workers call him by the name.

crazy to me how some people think conversion torture/forced detransition is actually a privilege when it happens to trans men/mascs

Can I vent about something real quick?

The transandrophobe discourse bloggers are huge shitheads towards trans men, that much is obvious, but god they're also so fucking creepy towards genderless and nonbinary people.

They demand to know our genitals (so they can determine if we're TMA or TME for discourse points) and reduce us to them. We're either poor confused trans girls who just haven't realized we're actually transfem yet, or nasty theyfab future detransitioners who are out to get them.

Either way we're just confused little girls in their eyes.

For a group that (rightfully) talks about how Conservatives want to inspect genitals, they sure do love inspecting genitals.

Look, I just don't think anyone who has beef with people talking about their problems and coining a word to describe it (as words do) is worth the time of day.

This person, who made the "transfem cultural appropriation" list, is the one who said it

Also, as an agender person, I would politely request that people not claim it as something specific to trans men, either. Dysphoria hoodies can be used by any trans person who needs one.

Wait are these assholes trying to claim the concept of a dysphoria hoodie was stolen from trans women

Dysphoria Hoodies??? Really? As we know, the concept of wearing a Baggy Article of Clothing to deal with your dysphoria was nonexistent until the first ever trans woman discovered the magic of the hoodie.

Really???

I was wearing those before I knew what being trans was! Shockingly, if you're dysphoric about a part of your body, your first instinct may be to cover it up with easily available gender-neutral clothing... such as, I don't know, a hoodie? But no, those mean transmascs and nonbinaries stole it from women, who would have guessed :(

Guess we gotta add it to the list, along with "cat ear headphones" and "eggs" and "liking anime."

I want to make some points clear to debunk the whole “trans men are just future detransitioned women” idea that’s been floating around:

The detransition rates of people who identify as trans men/masc and trans women/fem(me) are going to be pretty much the same, but TERF propaganda makes examples out of people who have detransitioned from male to female in order to support the claim that the trans community are “infecting” young girls. Their obsession with women “mutilating” their bodies causes them to pounce on anyone who detransitions from male/masc to female and use them as symbols of the “trans cult.” TERFs deliberately inflate the number of detransitioners, especially amongst trans men/mascs, in order to support their ideology. Do not fall for it.

The actual rate of detransitioning as a whole is already incredibly small, and an even smaller minority of that, go on to detransition “back” to a cis identity. In reality, the majority of detransitioners tend to detransition into a different gender identity that feels more comfortable to them, rather than their birth identity, and may still identify as trans— just not in the way they initially thought. Other reasons for detransitioning may include safety reasons or a lack of access to gender affirming care. By assuming that all detransitioners are people who have “returned” to identifying as cis, you are once again falling for TERF propaganda. TERFs do not care about detransitioners who still identify as trans or non-binary or some other form of gender divergent, nor do they care about people who detransition simply because they are not able to transition in the first place. You should care. Not all detransitioners identify as cis, and the community would do well to remember that.

TERFs are a cult, and cults groom their members. A lot of people struggling with their gender identity may fall into TERF spaces because they will initially be treated with sympathy and understanding, when in reality, their ultimate goal is to detransition someone. They will groom vulnerable people with rhetorics such as “the trans community will try to persuade you to transition and make you think that you need to escape your womanhood” or “we can help you to accept yourself for who you really are as a woman, because society has made you hate yourself for your gender non-conformity and tomboyish nature” and other such bullshit that only serves to break someone down into believing that their identity issues come from a trans-obsessed, woman-hating society. When you see prominent detransitioners who pedal TERF propaganda, it is very likely that they have been forced into pushing down their real issues in favour of finding acceptance in a group that claims to care about them. If we can find sympathy for people who have been forced into conversion therapy, or forced to hide their sexualities/gender identities because of the religious fanaticism around them, then you need to find sympathy for people who have been groomed by a cult into hating themselves. No, that does not mean excusing them for hurting the trans community by becoming handmaidens for TERFs, but understanding that they have also been hurt— and are being hurt— by TERFs may help us to acknowledge that a lot of these people needed support systems that they weren’t able to find quickly enough.

A lot of the most well-known detransitioners may still struggle with their gender identity, and are simply repressing it because they’ve been groomed too far into a cult that lied to them, and leaving that cult without a support system behind them is a terrifying thought. However, it needs to be acknowledged that all of this discourse amongst the trans community, particularly a growing hatred for trans men/mascs or non-binary people, is exactly why TERFs are able to groom them in the first place. In fact, the idea that “trans women and trans men are diametrically opposed to each other” is just TERF propaganda to encourage trans men to feel like they’re not accepted in the trans community and therefore need to find solace in TERF spaces, who will use their shared experiences of “girlhood” to prey on the fact that trans men have been made to hate themselves. Seeing other trans people spread around this idea is exactly what TERFs want. They want trans men/mascs and non-binary people who were born as women to turn away from the trans community so they can literally detransition them back into women. Don’t do their fucking job for them.

A lot of detransitioners are— surprise surprise— not assholes. The only ones we’re seeing are the ones that prominent TERFs are uplifting, when the ones who slide under the radar and are free to explore their gender identity how they want tend to not feel the need to throw the trans community under the bus. I’ve talked to many detransitioners before who weren’t groomed by the TERF cult and a lot of them speak very highly of the trans community because they were able to find space to learn about themselves, and regardless of what they eventually identified as, there was a mutual understanding that freedom to gender affirming care is beneficial for everybody. By using TERF detransitioners as examples of all detransitioners, you’re just excluding some of the most vocal supporters of gender affirming care that I’ve ever come across. Support them back!! The best way to fight against TERFs weaponising detransitioners is by supporting detransitioners, recognising their struggles, and uplifting the voices of those who do not spread TERF propaganda.

There is nuance to be had here, because insinuating that the current trans community is actively judgmental of detransitioners is, in itself, TERF propaganda, but it’s crucial that you don’t fall for it or let TERFs convince you that detransitioners are the enemy. Because I have heard stories from detransitioners who’ve experienced genuine hostility from queer spaces they’ve been in, so it’s always important to check your biases and make sure you’re not falling into any traps.

TL;DR: trans men are not future detransitioned women. The tiny, miniscule percentage of TERF detransitioners who identify as cisgender that you see are being propped up by other TERFs in order to spread propaganda, despite the fact that TERFs do not actually care about them or their struggles, and they have most likely been groomed into detransitioning in the first place (or at least, they have been groomed into an unhealthy and harmful mindset that will inevitably hurt them in the long run). Anyone who says that trans men are destined to detransition, or that detransitioners are the enemy, or that all detransitioners have cis privilege and should be shunned from the community are all falling into TERF ideology and should not be listened to.