Trans Women + Transfeminine People Largely And Overwhelmingly Accept And Love Trans Men + Transmasculine

it kills me how much people love to speculate on the trans male experience. transphobes and even other trans people will conjure up ideas of what it must be like for us to live, how hormones affect us, and especially what society treats us like. they love to tell us how we live our lives; strawman after strawman about fictional trans men who started hormones and became "evil and ugly", completely fabricated stories about about how every trans man they know suddenly "gained male privilege" and never deal with misogyny or transandrophobia.

people who tell you how your transmasculine experience will go have no idea what they are talking about. even if they sound confident, they are not correct- each and every transmasculine person has a different experience in life- we do not automatically gain the societal privilege of cishet white men once we decide to socially transition. they cannot see what your future holds. you don't deserve to have someone telling you how you will experience your own life, it is yours, you are allowed to live your truth, pave your own way and prove that we have varied lives that transcend what transphobes think the trans male experience is.

I'm so sick of this.

I see a post, and think "Oh hey this person has really good takes on transmisogyny!"

And then I go to follow their blog and it’s full of rancid shit about trans men and nonbinary people they all assume to be AFAB.

I hate that this is happening more often lately. It’s not hard to advocate for trans women without tearing other minorities down.

Can we take a moment to think about the younger trans men and mascs on tumblr right now?

I was a teenager when ace and transmed discourses were at their peaks, and I can’t exaggerate how badly it affected me then.

Now trans men are the latest target, and I’m terrified for trans kids.

It’s easy to say “intracommunity discourse is an online problem! Go talk to queer people irl!”, but people forget that so many kids and teenagers do not have safe or reliable access to IRL LGBT+ communities and support groups. For many, online spaces are the only option.

We need to make sure the younger members of our community are being heard, and block out the hateful voices with messages of support and encouragement. Things are bad enough for trans people right now, and it's easy to forget that trans minors are often the ones suffering the most.

To any younger trans men or transmasculine people reading this:

The hate you are experiencing isn’t normal, it hasn’t always been like this, and it won’t always be this way. It is bleeding out from a small, miserable group of self-absorbed jerks.

Don’t feel obligated to call them out, don’t feel like you have to interact with these people. Please don’t doomscroll through discourse tags; it will make you feel like everyone is out to get you.

If you want to speak up for your community, that’s fine, but please take a break if you feel like your mental health is worsening. Block anybody who so much as breathes rudely in your direction.

You’re just as trans as the rest of us. You are welcome here.

Oh, and if you want to seek out external resources and groups, PFLAG helped me a lot when I was younger. It is an American-based organization, however, so if anyone has recommendations for those living outside of the US, please let me know in the reblogs!

Trans people are not inherently intersex.

Medical transition does not turn a perisex person intersex.

Your brain is not a sex trait, you do not have an "intersex brain", you are not "neurologically intersex" because you experience gender dysphoria.

If you believe any of this you are being intersexist.

Do you have an observable (including through testing or otherwise) genetic/natal variation in the way your sex traits developed? If the answer is NO, you are NOT INTERSEX. You are perisex.

Perisex refers to anyone who is not intersex, elaborated, does not have a natal variation in their sex traits. This term does not invalidate your transition. It refers to a bodily starting point and it's only purpose is to differentiate you from those with a different bodily starting point. If you were born in Detroit you can't say you were born in Baltimore because you live in Baltimore now. That's not how this works.

Why is this important? Because the only other terms for our bodily differences are the pathologizing disorders & syndromes we are diagnosed with. I am not a person with a DSD, I am intersex goddammit. If that word is watered down, then I'll be forced to refer to myself as disordered if I want to talk about how my body and my issues are different from yours, exactly like what cisnormative society wants me to do. Congratulations for helping reify intersexist pathologization that gets us killed! How #inclusionist of you!

You can be sex variant as a perisex person through transition, but you cannot "become intersex", please stop saying fucking this. There are more of you than there are us. You are speaking over us. We are already invisible and you are NOT helping.

This isn't hate mail this is love mail but most times when I see stuff about this trans infighting the transfems are usually posed against transmascs. It's understandable as theres bad apples on both sides and im not surprised people run to protect their own, but I'm incredibly glad to see a trans feminine person advocating against this infighting and for ALL trans unity. I hate to see transmascs bully transfems even though it could be self defense, and vice versa. It feels like all huge trans bloggers both men and women have this idea that we must all hate each other so it's good to see a blog promote positivity on BOTH ends. thank you for fighting for us transmascs, and as a transmasc I need to work harder on ignoring the divisive posts and focusing on fighting for my sisters too. The world is a scary place and we need to be together more than ever before.

I love all my trans siblings and will do my best to defend every single one.

I love you trans men, if you're a man and you're trans you are automatically cool actually, I love transmascs

white t girl i love you. and also do not forget that you are not the modern martyr for the oppressed voice. that's still black girls. it's always been black girls. stories of black martyrdom simply don't make it into the news cycle until the unrest caused by its reporting can be packaged as a "riot" segment between traffic reports. i know you suffer, but whatever you're experiencing, i beg you, when interacting with your community and building nuanced understandings of each other and the system which binds us, to not forget that a black tgirl has felt it 100 times worse before positioning yourself as an authority on all systems of oppression for having suffered unjustly at all. because you have suffered unjustly, but suffering unjustly as a white person means something so much different.

Look, I just don't think anyone who has beef with people talking about their problems and coining a word to describe it (as words do) is worth the time of day.

isnt it fucked that we still have to remind people that yes, misogyny is still misogyny when it's aimed at trans men and transmascs.

I hope it's okay for me to send this ask-

I just kinda generally wanted to talk about how I ended up kinda coming to terms with exclusionists existing, and yet managing to just pay them no mind. The first time I met an exclusionist was, surprisingly enough, in real life. This one was all about denying the need for the pansexual label, as well as a very strong hatred for ace people. I really don't wanna get in detail, but it was my first time meeting someone who had so much vitriol for other people within the community. It was a pretty important part of his personality, truthfully.

Then, over time, it kinda became obvious to me that he was kinda doing it as an attempt to... Redirect the attention elsewhere? He had done a lot of harm to other people, in ways that he couldn't really argue well about (not wanna get into detail, but there was some grooming involved). Part of how he tried to cover that up was just to find another topic to be loud about, rallying people together in a specific type of hatred and becoming a big name within the community through his stupid little war against ace and pan people. When you tried to kinda bring up that he had done some really bad stuff that he wasn't even sorry about, he'd just claim you were trying to undermine his point.

Thankfully, over time, people did end up realizing he was pretty abusive, and neither ace nor pan exclusionism stuck around much within the community, and he eventually lost his power and voice. And it kinda gave me the perspective that, well. Of course not all exclusionists (of any kind- let it be against ace folk, transmasc folk, etc) are necessarily doing it as a redirection thing, but a lot of them are. You can quite literally prove some of the current transmasc hating people on this site having called for the death of minorities or having sent death threats to other folk, but if you do bring it up, they will often just try to redirect any accusation with "you are doing this because you [hate this group]" or "you are doing this because you're against [this one specific ideology]"

All in all, people who spend most of their time obsessively hating some other people who don't pose any major danger to them tend to just not be worth the time. Seeing exclusionist movements come and go, seeing the people leading them lose their relevancy once people come up to terms with the exclusionism being stupid, it's all reassuring. This will also pass. I hope that the few loud voices that wanna open massive divides between trans folk will, sooner than later, fall into the same irrelevancy than those that came before them have fallen into.

this is reassuring, thank you for this ask anon