I Will Love You In Every Life. (threatening)

Today is difficult. I am not ready for it.

artwork by loi-loi

The PAIN that ESO addons are... UGH.

It took me too long, but I finally finished The Last Unicorn. I had bought a deluxe edition of the novel which came with an interview and a note from Mister Beagle.

What I didn't expect was the second story that came as an epilogue.

Two Hearts was beautiful, exciting, and the ending of this shorter tale is what finally made me cry.

I felt like a child again reading this book, though I stepped away and kept myself from reading it. I felt like once I read it, the magic of nostalgia would leave. It wouldn't be special to me, anymore. But it was. It truly was.

Artwork by everschade

"I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul."

-Jean Cocteau

I didn't do much art in 2022, either. Went back to trying to just do sketches. This was the last time I did any art, in fact. I put my tablet away and haven't touched it in two years.

Word of the Year for 2025

Transformation.

[noun] 1. change in form, appearance, nature, or character.

(Originally I had chose a different word, but then I realize my goals did not align with that word... so I changed it! I can always change it again, if I need to!)

September of 2024 began my journey of self love, self development, self awareness, and self improvement. I sat down with a journal and a determination to be a better me. To be a me who is true to myself and accepts who I am.

There is so much I have to learn and to work on, so many goals I aim to reach, but I know it will be a process. Perhaps one that never ends. I accept that, because I truly want to be the real me I know I am at my core and I want to express myself to others in honesty and with transparency.

This word means more than just my own transformation. It will apply to how I approach challenges, how I think, how I react, how I live and ultimately the world around me. I will struggle, but I have my wonderful husband at my side and friends who will stick with me through the hard parts.

I look forward to leaving my cocoon and spreading my wings.

I don't understand, but I feel like my own home makes me... depressed. I was so motivated to do things, but then I get back home and walk in the door and it's almost instant defeat. Dragging my feet to even do the simplest of things, I just want to lay in bed and sleep the day away.

It's not feeling overwhelmed by chores. I love doing housework, tbh. It keeps me busy as I'm a housewife and otherwise unemployed. I just feel... empty. Is it my schedule being overnight?

How can I help this? Home should be a place of comfort, love, and joy... but it makes me feel alone (when husband is at work), empty, and sad. Even my cats can only offer me little comfort and company.

I would love to try art again, but I can't stop comparing myself to other artists. I know they have been doing it for years and if I did, I could get close to that level, but my brain says "if not good immediately, no." Ugh.