Artwork By Everschade

This moon was difficult for me.

I am still working through it, but it truly did hike my emotions. I am tender, aching, and struggling. My depression has hit an all-time high and I am fighting to continue my progress. As long as I continue to do even the minimum, I am continuing on my path. Studying and looking into Paganism has helped ease my mind and give me hope.

I have succeeded in surviving every day so far. I will continue to do so, even if it is simply in spite of hardships

the late night urge to try and organize your tumblr...

"Autumn is my favorite season!" Everything proceeds to go wrong in Autumn.

and i give up.

i am stressed, i am anxious, i am depressed, and i am manic. i feel like since the end of October, everything has decided to just stop being good for me, personally. yes this is a first world problem, yes i'm going to whine about it because i just spent 20 minutes crying in the shower.

finances are getting tight for multiple reasons, and of course our bed breaks and then, on queue, the car needs a pricey fix that also means we cannot drive it as often or as far as we want.

i decide that i'll make my home a little better but just fixing it up! it'll benefit us and the landlord might appreciate it! i get prepped and then find out that we were told wrong and i cannot finish the work i started. great.

trying to get my outside time and enjoying the company of the neighbor's cat! chair suddenly crumbles under me and i topple off the side of the porch. ouch.

i gave up on trying to fix the keurig i was gifted last holiday because i just cannot get it to work.

my cats have terrible breath and i am really concerned about their teeth and health. they seem fine, but the bad breath is worrying.

all of my self-development work and my work toward helping my mental health just flew out the window at the start of the month because i just felt it in my gut that something bad was going to happen and everything did at once.

all i can do is cry. i feel helpless. i have no sense of control over anything. i can't do anything to fix it all. my therapist said she was proud of me, but i can't even feel proud of myself now. i'm giving up. i just don't know what to do anymore.

I feel very overwhelmed.

While researching and trying to learn, I have discovered there are many paths in paganism that I feel would fit me. But I cannot be all of them at once, can I? I see many people saying "take what fits and work with that!" but I have always been very structure abiding. I want something that is laid out for me plainly and guides me. I need something that is set and allows me to follow a plan.

I feel a bit anxious. I do not want to cause offense, I don't want to do things "wrong", and though the community seems to believe there "is no wrong way", I am not imaginative enough to create by myself.

I am causing myself stress over trying to find peace.

pls just let me play the game. this is on medium settings. i'm going to have to go full low. 😭

My beloved companion and his newfound love of cat tv. I would love to get a bird feeder to put outside the window behind my desk so he can watch real birds more often!

I made the decision to finally delete Facebook. Now I just feel guilty for deleting it. Is this part of addiction?

Ah, to be a cat who has no responsibilities and only needs to find someone warm to be comfortable. My little moon cat who teaches me to slow down and relax... and sometimes go wild. Also that gaming is not as important as cat.

in horror games, i always want to stop and look at what's chasing me because i love monster designs, but this usually means death

which is telling that i would not survive an attack irl

artwork by loi-loi