I'm Already At 830 Calories Yikes! All Because I Ate Some Of My Coworkers Food. So The Plan For Today

Stats for today

Breakfast-

Water - 0 calories

3 cups of vegetable soup - 321 calories with added salt absolutely delicious 😋

1 sandwich (2 slices of wheat bread 110 + 3 baloney slices at 80 calories each) 460

Total- 781

Lunch- pumpkin spice ice coffee - 120 calories

Puts me at 901 calories

Liquid Fast for 15hrs untill 12:45am midnight ✨️

10:21pm - vanilla chai tea with 3 spoonfulls of splenda 0 calories

Today I am going to fast once again for 24 hrs. All I will allow myself to have is water, some vitamins and a nice hot shower. And I get to binge watch YouTube!

My fast will start at 7am and ends at 7am tomorrow morning. When I go home tomorrow morning I'll have soup and some veggies.

The clock starts now!!!!

NEW UPDATED SAFE FOOD LIST

Tea

Coffee

Splenda

Fruit

Vegtables

Pop corn

Zero sugar torani coffee syrup (0 cal)

Diet soda

Diet energy drinks

Soy milk

Eggs whites (only 18 calories)

Zero sugar coffee creamer 15 calories per table spoon

When I go home I'm gonna throw away all the foods I shouldn't be eating. The fatty chicken, the oatmeal, pasta. And what else I'm not supposed to have.

I WILL GET THINNER. I don't care HOW I get there but I will get there. Fuck being obese

Fear foods

Bread - enough said.

Peanut butter thick and Creamy about 200 calories per tablespoon

yogurt makes my stumach hurt also high in calories

any kind of chips- high in salt and super addicting 😅

ice cream way to thick and heavy on my stomach

full fat soda - way to much sugar and empty calories

steak full on choking hazard - way to much fat and high in calories also bad for your heart-

Egg yolks- high in calories and cholesterol

I wish I could survive on as little calories as possible. I long to punish myself for the wrong I've done to my ex, my mother or just anyone really that I have displeased with my presence. I need to punish myself. Only then I'll be a good girl inside and out. I'd say a good number for myself would be 500 calories. I need to punish myself. I CANNOT exists on food. My suffering will be atonement for all my sins.

Skipped lunch today. Took a melatonin pill 5mg when I got back from grocery shopping after work 😴. I slept from 10am all the way till 6pm.

0 calories for me. Still at 474.

I had a dream I was eating cheesy pizza then I woke up scared that I had gone way over my calorie intake. The pizza was so darn vivid and juicy. Fuck

I think I'll have some tea instead before I head to work. Now that I awoke I'm not that hungry just thristy.

Hey guys im back and im going to start restricting again. I don't care about being beautiful I just want to feel light and thin!

Im gonna-

-Count my calories and weigh out my food 1,200 for me MAX

- Drink lots of water and decaf tea with splenda

-Take a multivitamin daily and extra vitamin c

-Add a protein shake supplement to my diet

- Fall out of love with food. It's gross and it weighs me down

I fasted all the way untill supper. I drank some tea, slept, and went up to the roof and listened to a podcast by shrouded head and binge watched YouTube. It's not even dinner time yet. It's 6pm and I'll tidy up by 7pm and shower then I'll start on dinner around 8pm. The sky is nice and gloomy this evening and I feel so lonely, dispaired and hopeless... I wonder if ill ever not be lonely someday?

16oz water

Recently I have fasted for a full 24 hrs - after that I gave in and rapidly ate some pizza (again) so I had a horrible stumach ache, gas and bloating. I feel terrible as I lack will power and self control. So today will be different. I'm gonna be good and fast untill supper time (let's see how long my will power will last)

Oh and the scale is down 4 more lbs so I'm doing good losing weight but I fear it's not fast enough. Oh well I'll just have to be patient and take the best of what I can get.

Fuck today is gonna be rough. I'm already feeling shaky and nausea due to the fatty sugary foods I ate. I'm also starting to realize that I don't deserve kindness as fat whore. I should be grateful for whatever kindness someone does to me and having sex is a luxury for me. It's a miracle anybody really wants me.... but I know I can redeem myself through fasting and food restriction.