I remember those five songs I shared with you,
the ones that showed how broken I was and
as we sat on your car staring at the navy blue sky,
the color it usually was at 3am,
I knew you understood
and I don’t think anyone ever will again...
MSI
<My Favorite Playlist is Filled With The Songs You Shared>
And with every word you spoke
you made me feel as though
I was the best thing to ever happen to you
yet I still laid here at night
wondering when you’d leave
because all good things leave
and you were one amazing thing
I knew I couldn’t bare to lose...
MSI
<Bittersweet Nothings>
And in the fault of our reality
I wished nothing more than
to be able to watch you smile
for the rest of my life...
MSI
<Forever>
25 May 4:25 am
I have sat here and typed and retyped but nothing comes out that can express the feeling, the only way I can think of is asking the question... When will it pass?
When will I stop picking up the phone to call you only to remember that where you are you cannot receive calls? When will I be excited and not have the instant thought to share it with you knowing that I can't? When will I be able to go to sleep without wishing I did so knowing you were one of the people I spoke to in my day? When does it end? When does this loop end? I am tired. Please stop this feeling because it hurts too much.
The Daily News and The Independent, Santa Barbara, California, November 12, 1918
the intimacy of “how did you know that?” “because i know you”
I always said the same thing
when asked about relationships
and the reason why I was never in one.
I said it so much it felt a bit rehearsed
but it was true.
I did not need anyone to be happy,
I did not need anyone to come
and step into my world
only to mess it up.
And for so long I kept that up
I let no one in for anything else
but a simple friendship because I knew
that if they left it would be okay
but you came one day and overtime
became that one person;
The one that I never wanted to let go of,
because things with you were great
you came
and became part of my happiness.
Now I am finding it hard to let you go
but I know I will be okay
because I have rehearsed a new line
and it goes a bit like this,
“I learned what love was and I will be okay”
because although I still leave your space
in our bed open as if you would lay there again
I know you won’t and maybe,
just maybe things were meant to be that way
because
I learned what love was
And for that I will forever thank you.
M.S.I
― Andrei Tarkovsky, from Sculpting in Time
I look at you and I would rather look at you
than all the portraits in the world
- Having a Coke With You by Frank O’Hara