I Look At You And I Would Rather Look At You

I always said the same thing

when asked about relationships

and the reason why I was never in one.

I said it so much it felt a bit rehearsed

but it was true.

I did not need anyone to be happy,

I did not need anyone to come

and step into my world

only to mess it up.

And for so long I kept that up

I let no one in for anything else

but a simple friendship because I knew

that if they left it would be okay

but you came one day and overtime

became that one person;

The one that I never wanted to let go of,

because things with you were great

you came

and became part of my happiness.

Now I am finding it hard to let you go

but I know I will be okay

because I have rehearsed a new line

and it goes a bit like this,

“I learned what love was and I will be okay”

because although I still leave your space

in our bed open as if you would lay there again

I know you won’t and maybe,

just maybe things were meant to be that way

because

I learned what love was

And for that I will forever thank you.  

M.S.I

— Sylvia Plath, quoting an acquaintance in ‘The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath’

Andrea Gibson

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It’s like walking through a field of flowers

wearing a white flowy dress and you’re happy

you’re picking flowers and it’s a joy so immense

nobody can stop you, you’re free but then

you hit a wall, the flowers in your hands are not there

they’re replaced by rubbish, and then you look back

and it’s no longer the field of flowers.. it’s a mess

a mess that you have no choice but to fix

so you do, you walk back

and start piecing it all together and you’re sad

you’re guilty because you created such chaos

you beat yourself up about it as you see everything;

the people you hurt, the mistakes you made,

the good ideas that were actually bad ideas

then once it’s clean you’re excited.. it’s the field again

and you’re running through it again and it’s scary

because you never know where the wall is

when you’ll be stuck looking at the mess again

but you still enjoy it, you still love the flowers..

MSI

< Bipolar Disorder In My Words >

And if we ever meet again

I’ll know it’s meant to be

but for now let’s live in this happiness

because we both know it won’t last forever

even though we truly wish it did.

MSI

<Living in the Moment Was Always Our Thing>

I remember those five songs I shared with you,

the ones that showed how broken I was and

as we sat on your car staring at the navy blue sky,

the color it usually was at 3am,

I knew you understood

and I don’t think anyone ever will again...

MSI

<My Favorite Playlist is Filled With The Songs You Shared>

I loved you, I always will,

and that’s the problem

because the sad reality is

that I’ll love you way more

than I will ever love myself..

MSI

<If Only>

i am afraid of loss

i used to think i was afraid of dying but in actuality i am afraid of death and loss. i am afraid the idea of no longer existing whether it’s me or my family, i want no one to die but we also can’t live forever, the future scares me and i have no answers but i still can’t help but dwell in it, the idea of no longer being alive… i’m scared, please help