The Daily News And The Independent, Santa Barbara, California, November 12, 1918

please.

I finally got it

I finally understand what everybody meant

when they would tell me that one day

I would fall in love

and I would understand what it was like

to be blatantly lost in someone.

I think it comes out of nowhere.

We don’t expect it,

it’s just there, one day

we realize that one person

can change our happiness

whether it be for the better

or for the worse

and we trust that they won’t hurt us

we just put blind trust

even though we never really know

but we don’t really care.

I think we do it for the momentary happiness

that might last a while,

maybe even forever

but we’re always slightly afraid that it will end

and we’ll go back to how we were before..

Strangers

but in the end we’re not really strangers

anymore...

MSI

<Please Don’t Break Me>

okay so miss you, i miss our talks and the friendship we had and it really sucks that you left and that we’re not talking anymore and i respect that a lot, i really do i understand your reason for leaving and know it wasn’t in bad terms but i wish we could talk again, every time i struggle in math i remember your attempt at explaining why you loved it and me simply not understanding the same way i explained my love for reading and you’d actually take my book suggestions regardless of the fact that you said you didn’t read or even like reading, i miss you in general and i wish that i could just mentally call you back into my life but i think y there is no higher power out there that can make that happen

You asked,

What is the scariest part?

I answer;

the scariest part is not the feeling of loneliness

or the darkness that fills you

despite the looming pain

of emptiness

The scariest part

is the realization

that you have lost yourself

completely

sinking in as you lay awake

At 2am

because you lost the ability to sleep

and you can’t even cry

because you don’t even care.

A.D.H

i am afraid of loss

i used to think i was afraid of dying but in actuality i am afraid of death and loss. i am afraid the idea of no longer existing whether it’s me or my family, i want no one to die but we also can’t live forever, the future scares me and i have no answers but i still can’t help but dwell in it, the idea of no longer being alive… i’m scared, please help

I always said the same thing

when asked about relationships

and the reason why I was never in one.

I said it so much it felt a bit rehearsed

but it was true.

I did not need anyone to be happy,

I did not need anyone to come

and step into my world

only to mess it up.

And for so long I kept that up

I let no one in for anything else

but a simple friendship because I knew

that if they left it would be okay

but you came one day and overtime

became that one person;

The one that I never wanted to let go of,

because things with you were great

you came

and became part of my happiness.

Now I am finding it hard to let you go

but I know I will be okay

because I have rehearsed a new line

and it goes a bit like this,

“I learned what love was and I will be okay”

because although I still leave your space

in our bed open as if you would lay there again

I know you won’t and maybe,

just maybe things were meant to be that way

because

I learned what love was

And for that I will forever thank you.  

M.S.I

I remember those five songs I shared with you,

the ones that showed how broken I was and

as we sat on your car staring at the navy blue sky,

the color it usually was at 3am,

I knew you understood

and I don’t think anyone ever will again...

MSI

<My Favorite Playlist is Filled With The Songs You Shared>

No one talks about leaving,

Realizing one day, a day you woke up feeling as if it was going to be any other day, that you no longer love the person the same. The small things you once loved that they put so much effort to go unnoticed. How is it that you woke up and realized you were okay living without them when one day you feared losing them. I think it hurts too, having to tell the person you never planned on being without that things are just not the same and when they ask why, what is there to say? "I woke up on a seemingly normal Wednesday and I realized that you no longer made me feel those puke-worthy butterflies. That I knew I would be okay without you." How do you put that feeling into words? I don't think I will ever be able to give you the answer you deserve and for that I'm Sorry...

I miss you more than I knew I would

and I hate it

because I promised myself

that I wouldn’t be that person,

the one who sits around

wondering how you are

and if you’re happy

but I couldn’t stop it and it sucks

because I wish I didn’t care.

I wish I felt nothing

but how can I feel nothing

for the person

who once made me feel everything.

MSI