Latest Posts by yeahwhatevercolonslash - Page 2

“Sometimes it scares me how much I think about going out for a walk, and never coming home. How willing I am to leave everything I have, and everyone I know.”

— s.m

rainbowpaw is thinking about suicide

I just feel like stuck. Every day is the same and I'm just existing not living.

i can’t do it anymore. i just want to give up on everything. i have nothing left to give.

Will these thoughts ever stop?

I hope one day i am brave enough to just end my life because I can’t take this anymore, I’m so fucking sick of being a fuck up no matter how hard I try it’s never fucking enough.

Wouldn't mind dying in my sleep tonight.

he think he asuka langely soryu

this stemmed from a long conversation about lord english and his components and how each of their experiences would be like. they would’ve been able to watch all their ancestors be born, grow up, and eventually die, not to mention themselves as well.

at least for equius, it’d suck to find out you’re directly responsible for the pain and suffering of your entire race for all of time. and have to watch, just watch, and not be able to do a thing about it.

we thought it would’ve been especially awful for equius to have seen darkleer die they way he did (the refrance). especially in the way it mirrored his own death, which was the reason he’s here in the first place, etc etc.

i have more thoughts, but i don’t want to write out a whole essay right now.

I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again.

one of the most relatable and useful things someone once said to me is that what saved her from her own ideation was the knowledge that suicide is always an option.

And this runs counter to what is very often told, and I’m certainly not saying that that narrative is wrong. There are people that absolutely need to hear that suicide is Never an option.

But when you’ve been in those particular trenches for so long, the old sayings start to wear thin.

So what this person talked about was, the knowledge that she could theoretically always kill herself made it easier to postpone. Sure she could have killed herself this morning, but then she wouldn’t be out getting coffee with her friend. And she can always do it tonight.

But maybe tonight doesn’t work either because what she wants more than to be dead is to be warm in bed. So she’ll sleep on it. Maybe next week after seeing her friend’s musical.

And maybe that musical gives her the strength she needs to hold out for a bit longer, to scrape just a bit more joy from the world.

And maybe in two months it comes back, and she can’t do it anymore. But well, two months ago wasn’t the only time, she can always do it next month. Might as well wait for spring, the flowers are only just starting to come out.

So hey, maybe you could kill yourself. But you’re a long time dead with not a lot to do, so might as well scrape some more joy and excitement and interest and disappointment and music and grief and community and warmth from this world while you’re in it.

There’s always the possibility of something around the corner. Be curious and stay safe loves <3 (love heart.)

Coloring experiment of some sort

I'm proud of you for making it this far.

Will it ever get better?

Okay Google how do we get a divorce

They take half an hour to reply to me and I just think they want me to fall asleep before they can answer

Love feeling like I want to die. Love feeling like I should. Love feeling like I'm so fucking unfair and unkind even when I'm trying my best

Whoops wouldn't want to vague about anyone