I Can't Imagine How Much Sass Harry Would Have Had If Only He Was Raised By Remus And Sirius.

Crippling loneliness in the age of the internet:

"Why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?"

~Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart (1999)

Let me set the scene:

In a dark room, the only light is coming from the phone of a girl laying on the bed, as she mindlessly scrolls for hours on end. She is typing fast, she is running multiple apps in the background, she is listening to the latest hits while doing all of this, her earphones never leave her ears; even when she closes her eyes, she is still listening to a podcast. Despite all these activities happening around her. The girl looks bored and apathetic, her eyes are blank, no emotions, no thoughts. And for hours to come she stays in that state, waiting for something to happen, even if it doesn't, she doesn't care.

This could be the opening lines of a sci-fi novel but this is actually how I act when I am alone. This is how my life has become. And while people like to blame this on the internet that has made Gen Z mindless zombies; I think the only reason I haven't died is because of the internet. To normal people it's a curse that makes humanity fall to its lowest. To me it gave a purpose, a want and a direction to live for.

The Internet isn't the evil mastermind to me, it's a necessity that has kept me alive and not succumbing to the fact I have no one to talk with.

Internet to me isn't Instagram, Snapchat, Discord,Twi--X (someone stop Elon Musk from cooking), it's the "quirky" apps like Pinterest, Tumblr and Reddit as well as the depths of content that is YouTube. It's the places where I found "my" people who understood me, who accepted me, who appreciated me. Growing up I had no one to talk with, even my own family wasn't understanding, let alone my friends.

During my school life I had always been surrounded by friends or as I like to put it, people I can talk to and have lunch with during school hours. That's what it was, nothing more than that. My idea of friends was just different from others, I didn't want emotional connection or people to hang out with. I wanted friends who would listen to my ramblings and be able to debate and discuss things with.

I don't want to seem pretentious or snobbish and definitely not above others in any way. But....when I am surrounded by so many frustratingly stupid people, I don't have any other words to describe them than "not good enough for me". They may be wonderful people, who are warm and lively. I do not care about being around such people. I am someone that watches video essays on morality, ethics, philosophy and analysis of movies and TV, in comparison to the people I know I am just more perceptive and thoughtful and that alone makes me seem like a stranger to them (INTPs are weird in short form). My dad told me smart people have it hard to make friends because of this exact nature, I wouldn't call myself incredibly intelligent but I know I am far more capable in thinking than my classmates who watch reality TV shows and Tiktok dances. Sometimes I cannot even comprehend how people can even get satisfaction and happiness from something as simple as that and that's when I understand: it's okay to be different than that and it's okay that they are "normal".

I feel like I am Lain from "Serial Experiments Lain", as if my existence is given meaning by the internet and I was born from it. My lack of social interactions in person can be explained by that, but it's the thought of talking with other people that often scares me. I am used to being silent, so much so that even on the internet, I remain quiet, not interacting with people who might understand me. Being afraid of not being understood has stopped me from even trying to make connections when there's people ready to do that.

I don't even reply to comments on my posts, unless I have to and I don't talk with anyone on the internet itself. I just watch and be happy at other people's interactions and feel a sense of belonging.

For some days I decided to stop doing that, to stop the vow of silence. To let people approach me and approach others myself. I want to be friends and it's the only thing that I have ever considered as something I couldn't achieve.

Loneliness isn't as pretty as the movies and books tell you. It's more of a psychological thriller than a show like Euphoria and Skins where these stylised depictions make my depression and loneliness appear cool. It's cool to be alone, to have my own space and not cross boundaries but it's not cool to let the loneliness that shields me, devour me.

Me: I am not crazy. I am not crazy

Brain: burn everything!

Me: No that's not me

Brain: kill everyone!

Me: NOOO

Brain: nothing is worth it. Everything you do has no meaning.

Me: ....plz stop torturing me, my teachers already do that.

(PS: really sorry if any other got left out, I was writing these on top of my head so I don't know if there's more. Feel free to comment if you know any other siblings/sibling-ish dynamic I left out!)

GUYS.... He's in denial Guys 😭😭😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣🤣

Atsushi, confused after a mission: what exactly is the relationship between Dazai-san and Chuuya-san?

Fukuzawa: they are enemies

Kunikida: more like ex-coworkers

Yosano: definitely, enemies with benefits

Kyouka: best friends!

Kenji: they help each other out in times of great trouble like good neighbors :)

Junichiro: Aren't they rivals?

Naomi: I thought they were Ex-boyfriends!

Haruno: I heard they got divorced

Atsushi, even more confused: they were married????

*Everyone looks at Ranpo*

Ranpo, takes his Lollipop out: Gay.

One of the things about Harry Potter that always bugged me is the treatment of Ron Weasley in the fandom. Like jeez people hate this man more than Voldy. Ofc everyone has their own opinions but hating one of the most wholesome people is just straight up stupidity. I know, Ron isn't perfect, he has flaws; he is insecure, he can get jealous easily, but being in his brothers and later his friends shadow can really suck. But hey so does Hermione, she gets insecure about her appearance (teeth), she feels jealous too ( whenever Harry outperformed her she was livid) Not only her but Harry as well is insecure and gets jealous (When Ron became prefect). These flaws is what make these characters so real. It makes them human.

Hermione is smart but she is also conceited and isn't very accepting of people less smart or different than her. She is just as flawed as Ron is.

Harry is a sassy lil bitch, he has his moments of judementalness and lack of trust. He too isn't perfect (Harry's inner monologue honestly tells a lot about his cynisim) (also he wished Snape's death upon becoming the new DADA teacher)

So, why Ron? What's so disgusting or cruel about Ron? The same Ron that took Harry as a brother and shared his small room with. The same Ron who broke Harry out from his abusive family's house as a 12 year old. The same Ron that stood on his broken leg and said "if you kill Harry, you have to kill us too" (f u Steve Kolves for giving that to Hermione). The same Ron that made sure Harry got a present on Christmas. The same Ron that took on stunning spells so Harry could practice for the tournament. The same Ron that choose to be by Harry's side when the entire class turned on him. The same Ron who despite his jealousy never made Harry feel any less good and kept all those feelings to himself.

Yes, he had some misteps. He fought with Hermione, but they were young. He fought with her and fought for her. When Snape made a comment on Hermione being a know it all he defended her (f u again Steve Kloves). He vomited slugs for her. He defended her when Malfoy made her teeth grow. He wanted to make sure she was eating. That she was okay.

Ron Weasley in my opinion is the most important part of the trio. He is the bridge that keeps them together. There is no Harry Potter without Ron Weasley

Ps: if Harry ever found out how Ron was treated in the fandom he would have killed everyone.

Things I have said or done as an INTP:

~ "It's not like I hate talking, you are just so boring. I don't even remember what you said two seconds ago. That's how unremarkable you are. So, it's not a ME problem, it's a YOU problem"

~ "I forgot to eat breakfast and lunch"

~ "Do I really need to wish someone their birthday? Do y'all like getting old?"

~ "Whenever I feel awkward, I imagine brutal ways to kill people"

~ "What do you mean I can't order from the kids menu? I eat like five things in my life"

~ "Sometimes I put on earphones just to avoid people"

~ "The T.V remote was too far away so I stared at the wall for five hours"

~ "I don't have enough energy to correct you right now, call me later"

~ *person says* "Hey, how are you?"

*ME* "Nice to meet you my name is just fine....wait"

~ "I am willing to die proving a point"

~ "I am not gonna study. What's the worst thing that happens? I fail. It's not like I am dying. I won't mind that either"

~ "I gave up on life when I was 11. The best decision I ever made"

~ "I am not sorry for coming late. I feel sorry that I came"

~ "I will touch grass when I am in the coffin"

~ "Well actually, everything you said was opinions, not facts. I don't care about how you feel, if you don't care about what I think"

~ "I pity how dumb you are"

Geez, I have to stop falling in love with every morally grey, broody dark haired man with a dark past I read about.

*Atsushi got drunk during a new year's party*

Atsushi: I have been here for some time now. And all this time I have been repressing my feelings to not hurt anyone. But I want to speak my mind today

Dazai: cheers! Atsushi-kun! Say whatever you want, no-one would stop you

Atsushi, coughs: ahem ahem...okay. Kunikida-San, you were a math teacher. BOOM ROASTED

Kunikida: *spit's his drink out*

Atsushi: Dazai-san, you have 1000 ex's, nobody wants to stay with you. BOOM ROASTED.

Dazai, chuckles: that was a good one

Atsushi: Chuuya-san, you are 5'3. BOOM ROASTED.

Chuuya: WHAT THE FUCK YOU SAID KID?

Dazai: this is hilarious

Atsushi: Akutagawa, you look like a malnourished Victorian child who likes hot-topic. BOOM ROASTED.

Akutagawa: Jinko, when I get to you!

Atsushi: Ranpo-san, you are a glorified man-child. BOOM ROASTED.

Ranpo, eating dino nuggies: I won't deny

Atsushi: Yosano-sensei....you literally save our lives, I can't say anything bad about you

Yosano: awwww

Chuuya: that's a bit unfair!

Atsushi: Poe-san, you are a simp. BOOM ROASTED.

Poe, watching everything hiding behind a door: y-you actually noticed me, I am flattered!

Atsushi, takes a deep breath: Fukuzawa-san....you spend most of the ADA budget on cat food. I actually agree with that.

Fukuzawa: *nods gravely*

Atsushi: and...Junichiro-kun....you and your sister....do I have to say it? You two are fuc---

Kunikida, drags Atsushi out of the room: that was enough drinking for you!!!!!

*the next morning*

Dazai: I didn't know you had all of this sass inside you!!! That was amazing. You should do it more~

Atsushi, horrified, hiding his face:......I SAID WHAT????

"I am always jealous. I am ALWAYS jealous. No matter how much I have. I am always wanting more. I can't be filled. I can't be enough. I can't get everything. I want more. I want more. And I have so much love, blessings, accomplishments, money, talent----more than I deserve for free and I still chase for more. I still scoff at other's happiness. I still wish for their failures. I pray for their downfall. I want to see them get beautifully destroyed, just because I don't want to see them succeed. I still want what they have even if in reality, I don't need it, I want it so they can't have it. I am so petty, so mean, so ill. No wonder no one likes me. I am filled with so much hate and despair and spite that I could never ever have enough"

~one of my unfinished novels. <3