You Are Not A Finished Product. And No You Will Never Be. You Have To Remember You Often Sow Seeds You'll

Life was like an ocean and she was a wave I was just getting tossed in.

A mouth-watering fuck-ton of hand angle references.

By Shadowcross on DA.

I believe we are apt to see the truth as lies. Lies sometimes are alluring, sweeter to the ear, or easier to believe. We trick even ourselves, justifying them and enabling them. Pain and Anger are the greatest among the liars. They hurt us, so we doubt the truth. We define our Identity by our Truths. I will share with you what I have thought, felt and learned. Love, the complete commitment to the well being and happiness of yourself, another person or people without any condition or modifier. Integrity, the practice of being uncompromised in one's values and actions. Kindness, it is a behavior defined by consideration and concern. It is gentle, and it is generous. We become the truths we believe in. We accept the lives or the lies we agree with. We can choose, more importantly You can choose these things. But do not do this partially, or reluctantly, you have to accept it wholly. It is a challenge and it takes time. I am still learning. But if you allow them to they will change you.

It was that new years eve of 2019 going into 2020 and I had bought a bottle of prosecco. It was a last minute sorta thing like a surprise for my then girlfriend and I to drink she didn't know about it, however, sparkling wine is supposed to be served cold, right, so I stuck it in the freezer. Alcohol takes a lot to freeze, I didn't think nothing of it. I was Bartender for years at that point hadn't had any mishaps. I still keep vodka in my freezer even now. Anyway eleven thirty rolls around and I'm like I'm gonna bust out the champagne. I go and open the bottle, yeah, because the bottom of it froze the pressure made it so that when I popped the cork, it violently exploded off. Shattering the neck of the bottle, and careening the cork into the ceiling light fixture and spilling this half frozen slurry of sparkling wine all over the kitchen floor and the cabinets above me. Erin came rushing into the kitchen and I had to have been standing there with some half stupid half surprised look, I guess. We both just laughed and laughed. She laughed until her stomach hurt. We cleaned up whatever mess I had made trying to be seasonal and romantic, we drank screwdrivers for the rest of the night. The following year of 2021 it was literally during that big ol snow storm we got. It started that same night as Valentines you remember? Morgan hadnt been someone's Valentine before. Not officially. Shed never gotten flowers or other gifts before for Valentines. So I was Morgans first, I also got her this big ol hunting knife because she was big into knives. Anyway it was like midnight o'clock, and she had just gotten home from the airport, like the actual airport she worked there as like an usher for handicap people. And she was tired dude she gotten home ate like a bunch of biscuits and gravy that had been sitting out all day, and she came over in her pajamas and was just this beautiful mess that I completely adored.  I wrote this poem about the experience "It's an image. It was February, Winter. The moon had just rose full again. My anxious heart still beating, as she walked up the stairs, she didn't knock she just entered. The warm light from the side of my house cast sight on the Snow caught in her Raven Hair." And we sat on the couch the rest of the night and watched YouTube videos. It was probably like the best and the worst Valentines kisses I had ever gotten, day old biscuits and gravy breath and all. She sent me pictures of her with the knife and roses later that I had used as my phone background for line months. And a voice message of her going "Fuuuck Yoou".      whenever I'm in a bad mood sometimes, it's like I can remember some of the worst things that I've done or someone else has and I can stew in it for hours or days, or in the worst case entire seasons of my life. But sometimes I get glimpses of stuff like that, and its just so Human to me, and it isnt as taxing to breathe after that.

The artist is so real for making this

Sprite Edit. 

We will all find different foundations to set our lives on. Giving us, individually, aspects of the divine. I found mine, and it is Love. Yours might be something different. If you broke yourself down to its smallest pieces? What do those pieces look like, what do they act like, how do they think and feel? We are given different traits and stories, and each one of them is valid.

“I don’t need you to respect me, I respect me.

I don’t need you to love me, I love me.

But I want you to know that you could know me,

If you change your mind.” – Rebecca Sugar’s “Steven Universe” (2019)

This is a simple message. But one of the most powerful ones you could and can ever learn. There are many of us who desperately need(ed) this. The message is this. There is nothing wrong with you and who you are. The person you are is worthy of love, respect, and kindness. Not only externally, like from friends, family, and other peers. But also, Internally, from one’s own heart and from the self. I know there are many people who have internalized dysphoria. And they’re restless, tossing, turning and struggling.

The problem is not inborn. It’s developed over a life time. A life time of expectations, and experiences that have lead them to believe that the person they are is not normal, or natural. (For whatever reason, be it the body, blood, mind or spirit or anything else for that matter) And therefore unworthy of grace, love and kindness. However, this is the thing that is not normal. Despite this it has become the standard. A lie, A fatal flaw that now reigns over lives. A single idea of confirming normality. Do not dehumanize your spirit. You do not have to justify your existence. We are not extensions of a society. Strike that reverse it. Society is an extension of us. And if you have felt in any way; ignored, harmed, slandered, disenfranchised or have been left with any other negative emotion, you are not at fault, you are not to blame. You have not committed a failure. It is the collective idea of “Us” that has failed you.

A Simple Message, A Thesis, A Conversation.

You are worthy of love.

You are like the flowers that bloom and blossom. Even their leaves scatter to the wind.