"Well, Congrats On The Vaginal Knowledge!"

"Moles are slowly killing me..."

“Have you got any friends and family?”

-My teacher, to the same student she implied had a small penis

"We called him sparky because he looked like a horse!"

“It’s not porn, one of them is on fire!”

“I’m still mad about the cheese...”

-Me, still mad about the cheese

Spending time with my family... I am definitely going to hear some stupid things

They are now talking about wearing his friend

Convesation between my mum and brother

Brother: He was in the way so we killed him

Mum: You killed your friend in his sleep?

B: It gets worse…

M: …

B: …

M: …

B: We skinned him.

M: …

B: We needed the leather!

“MEEEOOOWWWW!”

-My cat. Loudly. In my face. At 3am. Every night.

There is literally no difference between 4 and 3. You stop these lies

“There’s definitely a small banana joke in there somewhere...”

-My teacher, to a student, after she explained how we’d be putting condoms on bananas and he said he might as well put it on the real thing