“MEEEOOOWWWW!”

"Can you overdose on starch?"

“Birds do fly, therefore I am a cop. You’re under arrest!”

“No, you are!”

“What a great six! Very sixy!”

-Me, not intentionally making a pun

He ate his friend. He ate his fucking friend

Convesation between my mum and brother

Brother: He was in the way so we killed him

Mum: You killed your friend in his sleep?

B: It gets worse…

M: …

B: …

M: …

B: We skinned him.

M: …

B: We needed the leather!

"We need more queer pyromaniacs around here!"

"Are we implying the himbo is a seagull?"

"Kill him, lesbians!"

Spending time with my family... I am definitely going to hear some stupid things

“You’re in trouble!”

-My science teacher in the same way kids do after someone was told to come to the office

“Need I remind you of your grandmother’s murderous intentions?”

-Me, probably about to get murdered by one of my friends grandmas