"I'm So Lonely... SHIT I FORGOT TO EMAIL THEM BACK!"

“Jaffa cakes are terrifying!”

-My friend, who is genuinely scared of the orange part of Jaffa cakes

“I’m far too goth for gravey.”

-Me, not goth in any way

“From the moment this universe began it was destined to end in a duck apocalypse.”

I respect your right to want to fuck mothman

I... I just saw a kid with a jar of Nutella. He just brought Nutella to school in his backpack and took it out in maths.

That’s the culprit

“MEEEOOOWWWW!”

-My cat. Loudly. In my face. At 3am. Every night.

"I got so distracted by lesbians I forgot the point of the story!"

"Lungs are probably everywhere"

"Are we implying the himbo is a seagull?"

"Can the person whos throwing stuff please just get a life?"

-my RE teacher, to which the class responded "OOHHH"