Does Smn Knows How To Improve Backgrounds????? Bc Im Pretty Unhappy With Mines

Fr fr, this is just my spectrum of moods during the day

Im the three of em

babygirl you are SO physically and mentally unwell

Thank you @mothercain for perverts i can finally complete this

"She suspected the real cause of his anger was his not wanting her to be amother or a sister. A part of him - the part that hated what he was; even hecouldn't be without that - must also hate her, for the way she got under his skin, ever so slightly, while remaining, finally, irrelevant. He wasn't angry because she knew his secrets; he was angry because she couldn't be the way out of them. Hadn't he looked at her, now and then, with a moment's real interest? An interest that quickly curdled into something like contempt- for himself, for her, for his inability to follow through?".

Fellow Travelers.

Omlll, Thomas Mallon made such a well aimed take with this one. I believe that everyone completly misunderstood Hawkins character bc he wasnt a dreamer but a realistic guy that tried to survive being himslef(in the extent that he could bc of society). And bc of the misinterpretation of his character ppl tend to hate him and to see him as stoic and insensitive when, eventhough he actually tries to be this, he cant bc he simply isnt like that and at the end hes got feelings and in the book we can definetly see that and its just so sad how his homophobia and societies wont ever let him be free at all, and I feel that this paragraph really expresses it. And this is just incredibly sad, I really think that Hawkins tried to live his life in his own way, like trying not to deny what he was but at the same time he apreciated and craved for a "normal" and perfect life, which at the end this destroyed him, bc his fear and cowardice for not living his truth were what took everything he ever loved away from him.

Anyway, I love the show and the book is greatt and im literally gonna kms.

I love sm when I get to see how my mental health is through my art. I remember that when I was at my lowest in my ED i would draw painfully skinny girls and i would even feel that they were kinda chubby, I used to mark sm the collarbones and their connection to the neck, also the ribs, which I still love to draw bc idk I js love their shape, but I drawed them from the neck to the belly, I even thought that those 2000s supermodels werent accurate for the level of underweight I wanted to achieve. Also the legs were one my favorite part, I think that I still havent recovered bc Im still so obsessed with boney knees, and like two years ago I draw the legs like chop sticks, lol, also the hips, idk how to describe them but I liked to make them so sharp, like at the butt or smth, the lines mustve been like as sharp as possible or i sould actually get so fatphobic, one of my favorite inspirations to draw at that times was snejana onopka and the ed community from X. Anyway, now that Im better I see those drawings I get very icky but a part of me still wants to get back to this era when I was able to starve myself or to throw up whenever I had to.

me consuming every piece of queer media instead of having a social life:

That one feeling when u just cant split between your intense sense of justice or your need of detach all of your rage into smth or smn bc u were raised by an angry man and now u r inherently hateful but u can still hold a little bit of empathy towards ppl but yet u feel so guilty of never stoping to hate everyone even those who u thought u were the most comprehensive to

I love toxic queer characters I love queer characters who are allowed to do terrible things and be complex and fucked up I love queer characters who perpetuate abuse and trauma I love queer characters who contribute to cycles of abuse I love queer characters who are part of the systems that harm queer people I love queer characters who have internalized ideas that are harmful to or oppose queerness I love queer characters who make themselves a slave to their passion I love queer characters who force themselves into stereotypes and others ideas of being queer I love queer characters who are flawed and messy and problematic

I also love when queer characters have to reckon with their flaws I love when queer characters have to unlearn their own prejudice and hate to truly be liberated I love when queer characters are punished for their bad choices I love when queer characters work to change and make amends I love when queer characters break cycles of abuse I love when queer characters grow and learn I love when queer characters get to be complex and human and get to grow and heal and also cause harm because people and their life experiences aren’t perfect and linear and unproblematic and life is too complicated and all encompassing to make simple and clear and inherently good and moral

I love when queer characters aren’t denied the true multifaceted and all-encompassing and real reality of life

Stuff like guerilla gardening, stickering, wheatpasting, lifting, graffiti, pothole-filling and other minor illegal acts aren’t only important for their primary effects, but because disobeying your capitalist programming helps break down the internalized worldview that comes with it

You start seeing society as it is: a collection of flawed, limited, man-made institutions that can be ignored, reshaped, or abolished. You see your environment as something that you’re free to improve and beautify. You see items on shelves as common property which is unjustly hoarded and guarded. You see cops as violent oppressors upholding the unfair demands of the ruling class - but you also see them as human, able to be avoided, fooled, and fought

Practice illegalism daily to see past the smoke and mirrors that make it look like the way things are is the way they must be. A better world is possible