For Anyone Who Needs To Hear It:

I’m not into perfect gym butts

I’m not into big perky boobs

I’m not into five meals a day

I’m into green tea

I’m into rib bones

I’m into pale face and eye bags

Anyone out there feeling the same way?

“You make me feel drunk. Warm, fuzzy, and a little sad.”

— L.S.

symptoms of trauma are proof of abuse. if you’re struggling with anxiety, self doubt, self hate, low confidence, trauma symptoms, flashbacks, nightmares, paranoia, panic and severe emotional injuries, those are proof enough that you’ve been subjected to torture. your feelings aren’t fooling you, they’re consequences of abuse.

on the bright side, at least my debilitating fear of abandonment will never leave me

I can’t tell if you’re just treating me like a friend or something more than that and it’s driving me mad

A lesson on dissociation/dissassociation:

Dissociation can be difficult to understand, especially if you haven’t had much experience in knowledge of it. Dissociation in basics represents a disconnect among one’s thoughts, emotions, behaviors, memories, and identity. Below is a list of classic signs that you are dissociating.

Depersonalization: Depersonalization is the experience of feeling separation from yourself and your body. People who experience such a feeling usually observe that they feel like they are watching their own body from the outside, or from another perspective.

Derealization: Derealization is vaguely similar to depersonalization, but it is a feeling of detachment from the external world, such as other people or objects. Derealization may cause familiar things to become unfamiliar.

Amnesia: Some people who experience dissociation have fluent periods of amnesia, of which they are feeling as if they don’t know who or where they are. There can be any amount of time in which they are awake and alert but cannot remember what they were doing.

Identity Confusion: Probably the most common experience, this occurs when a sufferer experiences an inner struggle about who they really are, their identity, what their personality is, why they are alive etc.

Identity Alteration: This is an experience of a person who senses that they act like a different person some of the time, creating a personality tailored to take place around each specific person in one’s life. Things like voices, clothing and interests differ amongst each loved one.

A common occurance of dissociation in everyday life is zoning out. You might be walking along the street, listening to music and you become so unfocused on reality and so focused on a thought or image that you miss a section of conscious walking. And to your surprise, you’re still upright and walking.

All of this is very common in bpd, and it can be quite frightening if it’s never happened to you before. The first step is accepting that you do dissociate. We have experienced a series of traumatic events and our minds try to block it out in an attempt of protection. You will have to accept that in a stressful environment, memories of the trauma will try to come back, but it is only a natural way of your brain reminding you of the danger and as a result we dissociate to stay safe. Many will not have the ability to face those traumas right then, however that does not mean you never will. But, a dissociative episode can be dangerous depending on where you are, so it’s definitley best to try your hardest to refocus and rettach if you can. Stay safe out there.

real love is not like the poetry. it is not i love you spat down each other’s throats or finding a reason to live again because you found this one person. It is so much simpler than that. real love is telling them to go back to sleep because it is still early and you know they need it, even if you want them to be awake with you. It’s realizing it won’t always be easy but still choosing them every day and wanting to be the very best for them. that’s it, it’s not as deep as you think.

4am

“I don’t miss you precisely. I miss having something to do on Friday nights, and someone’s arms to crawl into. I miss being a part of an us. And that’s an awful reason to hold on - being so afraid of being with yourself that you’ll give yourself to anyone else. We always hurt more than we healed and yet, I still find myself missing you. Loneliness takes us places that love doesn’t.”

— L.A.L. || Loneliness takes us places that love doesn’t