You Have To Understand That When I’m Attached To You, It Is Not The Same As You Saying That You Like

just because a love is temporary doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. sometimes love ends, sometimes love fades. you can’t always determine the course that it takes. you aren’t wasting your time; you’re just counting down the days until you meet the person with a love that finally stays.

— alhwrites

“i am slowly forgetting your smell, the sound of your steps, and the hand motions you make while talking but i’m so sure, whenever i’ll see you again, i’ll recognise these immediately and it’ll feel like coming home after a long tiring day.”

— long distance.

“Trauma is a wound. Complex trauma is thousands of wounds inflicted on already existing ones. You’re not weak. You’re made out of wounds. You deserve to retreat. You deserve to rest. Just existing with so many wounds is exhausting and a torture.”

— you don’t have to explain to anyone why you can’t get out of bed today. (via furiousgoldfish)

I think the most surreal thing I’ve ever experienced is my abuser actually becoming pretty normal. It’s the weirdest thing.

On one hand, you’re happy that they won’t hurt people. You’re happy that they’ve learnt to manage their emotions. You’re happy that some of the fear of seeing them is lifted off your shoulders. But at the same time, you are so angry. You are traumatized already. It’s just more proof they they can move on while you’re stuck here. The have DESTROYED you, and now you don’t even have someone to be mad at. Or at least you’ll always feel a little guilty that you resent them. They might not yell at you, or call you fat, stupid, worthless, manipulate you, threaten you… but everyday they’re hurting you. And they always will be.

But they get to be recover. They get to be forgiven -And they genuinely have changed… maybe they’re even sorry for how they treated you. But they can form normal relationships. They can cope. They can move on.

But it’s so much harder for you.

Friendly reminder: when people say ‘as long as you tried your best’ it doesn’t mean ‘the best you could possibly have done ever’ it means ‘the best you were capable of at the time.’ Sometimes ‘trying your best’ is just getting out of bed in the morning. Just because you weren’t working yourself to the bone doesn’t mean you weren’t trying your best. 

I’m not into perfect gym butts

I’m not into big perky boobs

I’m not into five meals a day

I’m into green tea

I’m into rib bones

I’m into pale face and eye bags

Anyone out there feeling the same way?

“If you want someone permanent, don’t push that someone away. I know how hard it is to have this desire for closeness for a certain someone while having this urge to push that someone away. I’m still learning how to feel deserving of love despite how much pain it has caused me in the past. I’m still learning how to overcome my past traumas because I still have this fear of eventually being rejected, hurt and having all my emotional investments towards this certain someone tossed out the window. I’m still learning how to communicate my abandonment issues without feeling like the powerless person in the relationship. I’m still learning how not to let my emotional issues get in the way of me having the love that I want to deserve because as for now I think she’s too good, too perfect for me. I’m still learning, and maybe that’s all we can do for now as long as we don’t push that certain someone we love away. And maybe we aren’t good enough, and maybe we are, and maybe there are no maybes when it comes to love. I don’t know what’s certain anymore with relationships nowadays, but I’m sure of one thing: that not every person who is willing to love you is out there to destroy you. And you and me and everyone who feels this way must learn that it’s okay to fall in love with someone who lights up the entire sky and try not to think of that someone as someone who’s temporary and just don’t push that someone away even if it’s hard not to. Because what the world needs less are people who feel like they’re entirely to be blamed for their loneliness. So if you want someone permanent, don’t push that someone away. You deserve love.”

— Juansen Dizon, To Those It May Concern

PTSD things

taking lots of baths and showers

constant flashbacks. sometimes you don’t even know what they’re about

you’re told you’re jumpy all the time

you always look behind you

craving abuse

alternating between missing your abuser and hating them with all your guts

was it my fault?

constantly distracting yourself from memories

you freeze at the mention of their name

overwhelming anxiety and unexplained fear

you convince yourself you deserved the abuse

you can’t relate to peers

you think you’ll be sick forever

unable to remember key parts of the abuse

remembering too much all at once

developing unhealthy coping mechanisms

you flinch every time someone raises their arm, or makes an abrupt movement

you age regress

you’re told you act “mature” for your age

always feeling like something’s going to go wrong

Do you know what I hate most about abuse? It makes you “crazy”. It makes you angry and tearful and volatile. And that in and of itself leads people to dismiss your story when you say you have been abused. They use your unstable emotions as an excuse not to believe you or to say that it’s at least partially your fault. It seems like almost nobody but other survivors stop to wonder how you got that way to begin with