And They’ll Ask Me, “after All This Time?” And I’ll Nod, And Say Yes, Because It’s Still You,

“It’s like when you read a novel and you’re so captivated by it that you don’t even realize you’re approaching the end of it until there are no more pages to turn. You’re left with this dreadful emptiness and aren’t quite sure what to do with yourself because while the book is finished, the story is living on inside of you.”

— This is what breaking up feels like - Jess Amelia 

this happened with my fp multiple times and I felt foolish afterwards for how I had internally reacted. can any of my bpd peers relate??

He did not say hello to me, why didn’t he say hello? He always says hello, every day, but he did not today. My mind whirls, panic rises within me.

He is leaving me, he hates me. Why didn’t he say hello? Talk to me! Talk to me! Pay attention to me, please do not ignore me!

He does not care for me anymore, he has not said anything to me. It is like a crashing wave, knocking me down, barely able to breathe.

He is abandoning you.

The words that weigh me down like a thousand rocks on top of my body crumbles me to pieces and I rush to leave him first before he can utter the terrifying words and leave me. My defense rises; intense anger and distress engulfs my body.

Trying so hard to ignore the negative voice in my head, I try to recall all the times he had talked to me, reassured me, made me feel so happy like I had been flying and soaring with nothing stopping me. But my memory is blank, and it feels cold and rotten. There is no warmth, and it feels as if those glorious and assuring memories never happened. It has always been barren and dark.

I do not look at him, I do not talk to him.

He deserves this. He did not say anything you, he hates you.

The words creep into my brain like an evil ghost whispering words into my ear, making me believe them. My teeth grind together, the tears well up in my eyes as I realize that I have lost him for what seems like the millionth time.

“Hey.”

My heart leaps, and I feel whole again.

He talked to me! He loves me! Why did I hate him again? He is not leaving me! I have never been upset in my life.

It continues. He talks to me, I feel happy and amazing. He ignores me, and I crumble and fall, retreating into the shadows and telling myself that he does not need me, and that he hates me. I idealize suicide, because it seems better than being abandoned the person who has stolen my fragile heart and soul.

I wasn’t looking for anything at all when I met you. Actually, I wasn’t planning on falling for anyone so soon. But then I met you. And that was it…I guess things just happened. I found you and I found myself slowly wanting to spend time with you. It was simple. It was easy. And I think that’s how the best relationships begin. You’re not looking for anything and then suddenly you realize; you have something.

— I fell hard.

I miss you. But not the way you miss your family when you’re gone for some time. I miss you the way you miss the sun when it snows. The way you miss home when you’re on the road. That’s the way I miss you.

me: *reads post about bpd*

me: true but like ???? im pretty sure im faking this disorder

me: my mood swings aren’t that terrible i don’t even think i have many

me: *has a drastic mood swing along with overwhelming emotions*

me: *feels jealous and abandoned*

me: *has flashes of reoccurring memories of people who abandoned me*

me:

me: ………..

me:

me: (: what bpd ¿

so how can i hate her?

…. am I the monster?

I would like to get to know you. I would like to talk to you every day. I would like to know about your interests and hobbies. I would like to know everything about you. I would like to know you. I would like to be friends with you. I would like to be with you.

I would like // 12:26am (via heavenlythoughts)

‘They’re your parents, of course they love you!’ sentiment needs to die, my parents have been giving me the murder vibe since the start and yall are being like 'that’s what love is like!’ no it isn’t?? Stop saying nonsense! Convincing children abuse is love is making it worse! You all expect us to be tolerant of hatred and abuse on daily basis and to call it love to make you feel more comfortable with it? I’m sorry but none of us owe you that.

“Of course I knew. But it was my mind that knew, and it was my heart that was making the decisions.”

— Poetry At Most