A Stranger Cat Calling MJ: Hey Gorgeous. Want Me To Teach You Something?

So Zeus without all his dick children

Hey not to sound evil, but if I had the power to cast lightnin bolt on anyone I wanted, I'd use it on people who inconvenience me even slightly

Loki summoning daggers:

Where is it?!

Thor frantically trying to calm him down:

Loki, wait!! You should treat spiders how you wish to be treated!

Loki:

Killed without hesitation!

Thor:

Not again! Please stop dying!

Everyone needs to see this

Yo baby peter parkerr, how about a headcannon of peter saying ok boomer to Tony xD

•  Peter 100% uses “ok boomer” all the time. He uses it and Tony is genuinely confused.

peter: ok boomer.

tony:

•  Peter will use it both as a sarcastic response to being told to do something he doesn’t want, and as an enthusiastic response. He likes being a meme, but he also doesn’t hate Tony like we all hate (shitty) boomers.

tony: hey, kid, would you pass me that screwdriver over there—

peter, already sprinting to get the screwdriver: oK BOOMER!!! 🧡💕💝💝🧡💖❤️🧡💕

tony: what the actual fuck

•  You can FEEL the heart emojis when he gives an enthusiastic “ok boomer” That said, when he’s truly upset with Tony, he’ll give a snarky, “ok boomer.” It’s like… the difference between when you receive a text that has a period and one that has an exclamation point. Like “ok!” vs “ok.” It’s tangible.

tony: whAT DID I DO WRONG WHY IS HE MAD

•  Eventually, Tony picks up on the habit. He finds himself wanting to say, “ok boomer,” whenever Pepper gets on his case. Once or twice he gets super close to actually saying it.

tony: oh god it’s contagious

•  But then one day it’s Steve who says something annoying and he stands there like

steve: the way you’re behaving is childish. you need to start taking the team seriously. if you don’t step your game up, people are going to get hurt. are you seriously that self centered that you’re okay with that? clean up your act, tony.

tony, internally: oh god he was born in like the early 1900s he’s the closest thing to a boomer we have on the team oh my god I could utterly destroy him with a crisp “ok boomer” peter would be so proud oh god the opportunity is perfect I’m VIBRATING with excitement oh gOD

tony, monotone: ok boomer

tony, internally: THIS IS MY GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT

•  Peter stands in the background cheering, and the scene looks Iike

The spider that bit Peter Parker’s was from a cross-species genetics lab right? Think of the possibilities for fanfiction and headcanons.

P.S. I’m starting an au oneshot book about this. It doesn’t exist yet though. It will be on Wattpad because I can’t find my drafts on Tumblr ever. @adopted_by_hestia is the account

Peter: Loki! Violence isn’t the answer

Loki: I’m a god. Therefore I have the authority to say it is.

Peter: *pauses* Can’t argue with that logic

Tony: oh no

This has been queued for 357 days. Worth the wait

Nah. I cut my own fringe blind and cut my fingernail in a pencil sharpener

reblog if u too have shaved off your eyebrows bc u were like 12 and deficient in impulse control

Loki at Midtown Tech: I have come to kidnap my adopted gremlin friend

Office Lady: I’m not sure who you mean. Would you like to ask over the PA system?

Loki: I would love too.

Loki into the mic: Hey gremlin, we’re gonna fight a god and kick his ass. And then we’re gonna cause mischief with the vent bird

Meanwhile in Peter’s classroom

Teacher: Well that was weird. Probably someone playing a prank...Peter, why are you getting up?

Peter: I’m gonna fight a god, kick ass and cause mischief with the vent bird. It helps a snake and spider de-stress.

Teacher: You know what? I don’t care anymore. “Fight a god” as long as you get your work done.

Ned after a moment: snake... snake... Wait, does that mean that was Loki?!

Sam: Oh hell no! I’m not giving Bucky $100,000 dollars!

Bucky: I would because I hate myself and then because I hate myself would give it all to Steve. He deserves it

Rhodey: You’re offered $50,000, but if you accept, the person you hate the most in the world would get $100,000– do you take it?

Tony: Why would I miss out on the chance to get 150,000

Tony: It fits -_-

Tony: Guys, I’m stuck on a word

Harley: What is it?

Tony: Another word for bottom, 5 letters.

Harley: Peter.

Peter: Wait-