Tony: It Fits -_-

Peter: MJ is so cute. *sigh*

Ned: ...She just...stabbed Flash for bullying you...

Peter: I said cute not harmless.

MJ: You do know I can hear you?

Peter:

Ned:

MJ: Thanks Loser

Reblog if you're not homophobic

Every url that reblog’s will be written in a book and shown to my homophobic dad. 

A stranger cat calling MJ: Hey gorgeous. Want me to teach you something?

MJ: Sure. I’ve always wanted to know whether someone can die of constipation.

Stranger: Uhhh. What?

MJ: Will you die of constipation?

Stranger:

MJ: Cause you’re full of shit

Peter and Ned laughing: You killed him

I have one chapter posted and about a dozen in working progress. It’s called Genetic Soup.

P.s I know it’s a stupid name. Think of any good ones and send them to me.

The spider that bit Peter Parker’s was from a cross-species genetics lab right? Think of the possibilities for fanfiction and headcanons.

P.S. I’m starting an au oneshot book about this. It doesn’t exist yet though. It will be on Wattpad because I can’t find my drafts on Tumblr ever. @adopted_by_hestia is the account

Loki is more easily irritated by Thor on Thursday. He’s grumpy and sad but Thor doesn’t understand.

Ned: How come humans don’t lick to show affection?

MJ: Lesbians do

Peter coughing after choking on his saliva: W-what?!

MJ: You heard me

Ned dying of laughter and with an accent: It is what it is

So Zeus without all his dick children

Hey not to sound evil, but if I had the power to cast lightnin bolt on anyone I wanted, I'd use it on people who inconvenience me even slightly

I carry around a lot of random stuff.

Levy, DMing: You lose your balance and fall backwards. As you land, you hear something in your bag break.

Gajeel, remembering he had four jars of live bees in his bag: Oh no.

Avengers as stupid shit my friends have said

Clint: That’s not a watermelon, that’s a fetus!

Nat: You shoulda kicked him in the nuts

Tony: You know what I is!

Also Tony: I’m a vagina expert

Sam to Bucky: Too painful to date

Bruce: In space there’s always a bigger rock

Wanda: Troublesome gay

Peter when someone says don’t fail: I fail at everything

Shuri: And not get pushed off roofs by furries

Bucky: So last night I ditched my friends and made an accurate representation of my soul. Cold, hard, black, shiny stone. Also somewhat damaged and incomplete.

Scott: I can’t believe they landed on me having sex! I mean get a room!

Pepper: Thanks, I hate it

Steve: I’m American

Peter from the other room: I thought you were a lesbian!

Carol: Okay who here isn’t gay?

Hope: Thanks, wish you weren’t here

Vision: I’ve tested positive for gay

Loki (even though technically not an Avenger): I LOVE STABBING CHILDREN!!

Tchalla: I ripped it apart with my bare hands!

Thor, clueless: What’s a handjob?

MCU as Quotes vol. 10: Movies as John Mulaney

Iron Man: “This might as well happen. Adult life is already so goddamn weird.”

The Incredible Hulk: “I don’t even have a joke for that. That’s how much I hate that shit.”

Iron Man 2: “And I had that thought that only black out drunks and Steve Urkel can have: ‘Did I do that?’”

Thor: “I need everybody, all day, to like me so much.”

Captain America: The First Avenger: “I am very small, and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress I’m under.”

The Avengers: “Do my friends hate me, or do I just need to go to sleep?”

Iron Man 3: “I have a girlfriend now, which is strange because I’m probably gay.”

Captain America: The Winter Soldier: “And now there’s nazis again. *disgusted and confused face*”

Guardians of the Galaxy: “We’re all gonna die, Street Smarts!”

Avengers: Age of Ultron: “The world is run by robots, and sometimes they ask us if we’re robots just because we’re trying to see our own stuff.”

Ant Man: “FUCK DA POLICE”

Captain America: Civil War: “You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.”

Doctor Strange: “Look at these curvy letters! More curvy than most, wouldn’t you say? You look mortal, if ye be! You look!”

Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2: “None of us really know our fathers… anyway,”

Spider-Man: Homecoming: “I look back at being seventeen and I think 'oh god, how did I not die?’”

Thor: Ragnarok: “I am homeless, I am gay, I have aids, I’m new in town.”

Black Panther: The whole “horse in a hospital” bit

Avengers: Infinity War: “The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with the fact that you still fail at it a lot of the time.”

Ant Man and The Wasp: “My wife’s a bitch and I like her so much!”

Captain Marvel: “I was once on the telephone with blockbuster video, which is a very old fashioned sentence.”

Avengers: Endgame: “Brush your teeth, now - boom! Orange juice. That’s life.”

Spider-Man: Far From Home: “And I go 'Can I please go home? On an airplane?” And they go 'No! In fact, we’re gonna frame you for murder!“