Nah. I Cut My Own Fringe Blind And Cut My Fingernail In A Pencil Sharpener

Avengers play Cards Against Humanity

Black Card: _____ that's how I want to die

Tony: Alcoholism

Steve: Doing the right thing

Peter: Vigilante justice

Natasha: Pretending to be one of the guys but actually being the spider god

Bruce: Science

Clint: The biggest blackest dick

Thor: Powerful thighs

Harley: Poor life choices

Scott: A fully dressed female video game character

Shuri: The entire internet

Hope: Multiple stab wounds

Bucky: The Great Depression

Sam: A perfectly cylindrical vagina

T'challa: Depression

Pepper: Dying

Rhodey: Being black

Wanda: Being a motherfucking sorcerer

Loki as Czar: '...Being a motherfucking sorcerer, that's how I want to die.'... Preach.

Todoroki: I’m pretty sure you broke the hero code as well

Iida: Wait! We can't break school rules!

Midoriya: Iida, we've broken the law.

MCU as Quotes vol. 10: Movies as John Mulaney

Iron Man: “This might as well happen. Adult life is already so goddamn weird.”

The Incredible Hulk: “I don’t even have a joke for that. That’s how much I hate that shit.”

Iron Man 2: “And I had that thought that only black out drunks and Steve Urkel can have: ‘Did I do that?’”

Thor: “I need everybody, all day, to like me so much.”

Captain America: The First Avenger: “I am very small, and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress I’m under.”

The Avengers: “Do my friends hate me, or do I just need to go to sleep?”

Iron Man 3: “I have a girlfriend now, which is strange because I’m probably gay.”

Captain America: The Winter Soldier: “And now there’s nazis again. *disgusted and confused face*”

Guardians of the Galaxy: “We’re all gonna die, Street Smarts!”

Avengers: Age of Ultron: “The world is run by robots, and sometimes they ask us if we’re robots just because we’re trying to see our own stuff.”

Ant Man: “FUCK DA POLICE”

Captain America: Civil War: “You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.”

Doctor Strange: “Look at these curvy letters! More curvy than most, wouldn’t you say? You look mortal, if ye be! You look!”

Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2: “None of us really know our fathers… anyway,”

Spider-Man: Homecoming: “I look back at being seventeen and I think 'oh god, how did I not die?’”

Thor: Ragnarok: “I am homeless, I am gay, I have aids, I’m new in town.”

Black Panther: The whole “horse in a hospital” bit

Avengers: Infinity War: “The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with the fact that you still fail at it a lot of the time.”

Ant Man and The Wasp: “My wife’s a bitch and I like her so much!”

Captain Marvel: “I was once on the telephone with blockbuster video, which is a very old fashioned sentence.”

Avengers: Endgame: “Brush your teeth, now - boom! Orange juice. That’s life.”

Spider-Man: Far From Home: “And I go 'Can I please go home? On an airplane?” And they go 'No! In fact, we’re gonna frame you for murder!“

Tony: It fits -_-

Tony: Guys, I’m stuck on a word

Harley: What is it?

Tony: Another word for bottom, 5 letters.

Harley: Peter.

Peter: Wait-

Scott: Don't you just hate that situation when you're picking up your bags from the airport, and everyone's luggage is better than yours?

Peter: A worst-case scenario

Tony: Sorry can’t relate

Sam: That’s because you’re in the best-case scenario

This has been queued for 357 days. Worth the wait

Responding to a kidnapping attempt part 2:

Vision

Scott

Shuri

T’challa

Rhodey

If I’m missing someone tell me and part 3 is probably going to be the guardians reacting

Peter: Hey Clint, you’re an ass ass in right?

Clint: What?

Peter: You’re an ass ass in?

Clint: Kid, I have no idea what you’re trying to say

Tony while facepalming: He means assassin

Mr Harrington at decathlon: You’re all wonderful people so I don’t think any of you have ever broken another person’s bones before

Peter and MJ look at each: About that...

Harrington: Okay, I kinda expected MJ but Peter?! Why are you breaking people’s bones?

Peter: Cause fighting non lethally is hard without breaking bones. I either break bones or I kill them

Harrington having a panic attack: Okay. Okay. This is normal. Trauma forces people to make bad choices.

MJ: I’m proud of you loser.

Flash: whatthefuckwhatthefuck

Bucky: Nice hands, Nat.

Nat: Thanks?

Bucky: But they'd look better around my-

Sam: BIBLE! WRAPPED AROUND THE BIBLE! PRAISE RHE LORD JESUS! AMEN!