Scott: Don't You Just Hate That Situation When You're Picking Up Your Bags From The Airport, And Everyone's

MJ: Hey losers. Give me an honest answer on how much you hate Flash.

Peter: It cannot be represented by mortal means

Ned: I-

MJ:...That’s fair

Do you guys want to chose the winning card for my cards against humanity with the avengers? 

Loki summoning daggers:

Where is it?!

Thor frantically trying to calm him down:

Loki, wait!! You should treat spiders how you wish to be treated!

Loki:

Killed without hesitation!

Thor:

Not again! Please stop dying!

Tony scolding Peter for doing stupid and dangerous things on patrol: Why?! You’re going to get yourself killed!

Peter and Loki: Here for a good time not a long time

Shuri coming in with a bottle of bleach: I was summoned and I brought drinks.

Ned: Oh shit.

Peter: Don’t swear around May!

May: Oh, no it’s fi-

Ned: Mamma Mia that’s a spicy meatball!

May: You know what just say fuck

“Where are you thinking of going?”

“New Jersey”

*Forgive me Brooklyn. I have sinned*

-Steve Rogers

This is precious

“Does anybody else know?” 

“Nobody”

Everyone needs somebody so I gave Peter a dog. 

Nah. I cut my own fringe blind and cut my fingernail in a pencil sharpener

reblog if u too have shaved off your eyebrows bc u were like 12 and deficient in impulse control

Harley: F*ck Flash, he’s being a dick, I’m gonna steal his car.

Peter: you can’t do that! it’s illegal! You shouldn’t do anything that’s illegal, it’s wrong!

Harley: Why are you acting so high and mighty? you’re a vigilante, that’s illegal too.

Peter: It’s only illegal when you get caught. And unlike you, I don’t get caught.

So Zeus without all his dick children

Hey not to sound evil, but if I had the power to cast lightnin bolt on anyone I wanted, I'd use it on people who inconvenience me even slightly