Ok Y’all, I Got Told To Rot In Hell Cause I Was Gay, Had Alot Of Homophobia Today And Outed The Number

i know I’m not someone who shares my sexuality on here but I need help.

I really need some supportive comments and some help.

Please follow me and do help me.

I really need help because I've been struggling and I feel like I should seek out now.

Warning: this is kind of a let out but a rant so please help me and don’t be rude.

And I'm still new to tumblr so I'm sorry for my post history.

I'm trying my best here I can't try much and I'm trying.

I'm a kpop fan page on here so please help me.

I can’t tell if im a lesbian or bi.

I can’t seem to help staring at girls nowadays and I keep brushing off my feelings.

Today I saw this girl and she's so cute.

I so badly wanted to say hello but I was scared. In my mind, I wanted to badly be her friend. Like so badly. I kept looking at her until one point someone called my name and since I wasn't paying attention, they touched me so when they did, I got scared. My heart jumped out my chest so I snapped out of the thoughts quickly. But looking at her is just a dream like I wanted to so badly say hi but I couldn't. I had no time.

I don't feel any interest in men. I was walking around men lately and I didn't find anything interesting as I used to when I was younger. Nowadays when a guy would talk to me, I would get excited but I wouldn't find myself to date him. I was nervous but no butterflies in my stomach.

I've been wanting to kiss my friend ever since we first met ( a week ago ) and now I'm just like, every time we talk, I just always thought of kissing her.

I sometimes feel bad and deal with negative thoughts with this whole thing and sexuality because I can't tell if this is real or just a lie.

I feel like I'm still straight or I'm lying.

I really wish I could be together with a man but now I can't and I feel bad because I feel like I shouldn't be this way. I really wish I could be with men as what my family are expecting but now I can't.

Sometimes I'll be like "men <3" as I used to do when I was growing up and younger (In reality still but not anymore now?) but now I'm like "girls so pretty" , "I wanna be her partner"

I can't tell if im a lesbian who's experiencing comphet (which is valid) or a bisexual struggling.

I just wanna be with a girl but at the same time I'm scared.

+ I would always stare at a girl's butt or her upper part and then look away so she or anybody doesn't notice.

One time I stared at her for about an hour at her upper part.

I dont know what was there satisfying. But I dont know how to explain my facial expressions when it happened.

I would make a face like my eyes widening and then my mouth opening, then I would be like "oh my god.. her .. ahhh" under my breath in this whispering voice or like mouthing (covering my mouth though or something) then be focused on it.

Or look at her butt and be like "oh wow, that's.." like I can't help but stare there.

When I spoke to her, my fingers weakened and she understood that I was nervous.

When she hugged me I immediately panicked (in my mind) because I was so close to her upper body.

I just.. it's getting too much.

I don't know what I am..

Lesbian experiencing comphet or a bisexual with a lean ???

I feel like a bi with a leaning but this attraction is something else.

I just wanna touch her. No one understands me. So I need help with this if you don’t mind ?

Anybody who's bi or lesbian, please reply.

I can't explain properly but I tried.

Please leave a comment and help me out.

I'm lost.

throwback to when i used to date alot of men and called a slut but at that same time, i fell in love w girls for the first time and ppl started calling me rude names lmfao

remembering when i had my first date and i dumped him cause he wasn’t interested and my female friend came and i fell for her too

then my “boyfriend” liked my female friend and i felt annoyed cause i fell in love w her but didn’t realise my queer “signs” from that memory. i really wanted to be w her and to date her but i felt fucking nervous.

remembering when i had a second date and i absolutely hated when men had a crush on me especially when he had a gf and went “oh youre (mean comment)”

i would force myself to have a crush on men and even if they LIKED me, i NEVER felt the same cause trauma experiences and reasons (mostly into girls that time)

the way i fell in love w (a) girl(s) bf and then i felt disgusting afterwards because i didn’t like men that much.. then I ended up catching STRONG feelings for her TOO BUT MORE than that BOY.

then caught feelings for all my female friends. ALL of them.

then my family wanna have audacity to say i’m lying and that i owe them alot of things w being gay and queer and coming out and that if i didn’t come out, they’d force me out there themselves.

my god my comphet was showingg. i’m suprised how i am gay my whole childhood but never realised. i’m so disgusting oh my my myyy😹 /neg

(tone tags pls)

Taste by skz that releases yesterday is for WHORES ONLY

okay y’all, my fake friends outed me twice to a teacher at work

basically where i work, there’s teachers who teach kids and there’s one who checks on me each time even though i don’t like her but mostly i do shifts at night so age difference

they outed me and said “oh she’s gay” and so the teacher went “oh she’s gay? wow” and someone went, “oh hell nah.. that’s very..” when they asked me if it was true. they started acting weird by saying they liked girls when they were straight, a STRAIGHT girl and then i asked, “why tryna act like you’re gay when you aren’t?” and they went “oh but hell no thats horrid”

so basically got outed to teachers and 3 different people

mmmhhh okay brothers🫡 this is enough for me today

life is so good right now

been dying to know the sides of my moms family but I know too much of my moms side and still want to know more, so we agreed to the 23andme kit and now we r waiting for the results which takes 5-6 weeks

but once of my uncles, are updating us about digging our family tree and right now, he is saying there is too many mixes in my dads family

bro said that. MY DADS side. has senegalese. swiss. italian. spanish. sweden.

thats the most recent we found and my dad sadly died so I couldnt get to ask him anything.

but being italian and spanish is shocking because he did make me visit his spanish side. my mom said EVERY time she is in that mfing house she IS ALWAYS seeing a flag that has red white and green. she didnt know what that was. but like. ITS THE WAY I WAS THINKING ABOUT VISITING SWITZERLAND AND WANTED TO LIVE THERE in the FUTURE and then boom, a gene has been found.

i love being mixed

yesterday i found 3 stripes of rainbow.

Someone shouted “omfg a rainbow!!” and i FREAKED out

then on my left, 5 stripes, my right, another 3.

at the back behind me, i saw 2.

then it faded away.

although + at lunch, i found 2 again then at home to leave, i found 2 at the window, and another one at night.

IT WAS RAINING THAT WHOLE ENTIRE DAY YESTERDAY LMFAO

absolutely satisfied

life is so good right now

been dying to know the sides of my moms family but I know too much of my moms side and still want to know more, so we agreed to the 23andme kit and now we r waiting for the results which takes 5-6 weeks

but once of my uncles, are updating us about digging our family tree and right now, he is saying there is too many mixes in my dads family

bro said that. MY DADS side. has senegalese. swiss. italian. spanish. sweden.

thats the most recent we found and my dad sadly died so I couldnt get to ask him anything.

but being italian and spanish is shocking because he did make me visit his spanish side. my mom said EVERY time she is in that mfing house she IS ALWAYS seeing a flag that has red white and green. she didnt know what that was. but like. ITS THE WAY I WAS THINKING ABOUT VISITING SWITZERLAND AND WANTED TO LIVE THERE in the FUTURE and then boom, a gene has been found.

i love being mixed

😪‼️‼️‼️

rb if you, like me, are the rare breed of internet user who always closes browser tabs that you dont need. like sorry your computer runs like shit maybe its because you have 50 fucking tabs open, cant relate

i need to rant and please don’t ignore all my posts, please pay attention to them.

warning : // homophobia, bullying, r4p3, assault, and a few things.

1), i feel like people don’t understand that i have a hard time liking men and being w men. when i say, i can’t get used to it, they think it’s a joke. they think i’m “joking” when i say, i cannot feel comfortable around them. every time i always think they’re gonna hurt me or beat me up.

2), i also feel like no one is listening to me. i can’t feel attracted to men. i can’t imagine myself having a boyfriend. i can’t picture myself being friends with them. i can’t do ONE thing without thinking negatively. i know not all men are like this and i am NOT generalising them either, it’s just that since i’m severely bullied by most of them, i get really scared thinking they’ll hurt me.

3), due to issues, i don’t understand the difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction. i know this is stupid but im really confused and i have hard times understanding stuff so im just really ugh. i am sure i identify as aroace bc i just don’t like the attraction and it feels disgusting to me.

4), when boys have a crush on me, i get a ick really quick. when most boys would go up to me and say they got a “crush” on me, i fr cant tell if they’re being fr or lying. most of them don’t even say they’re serious but next thing I know, they talk shit and say horrid things about me. and most of that counts as s3xųal bullying (?) cause they harass me everywhere, hurt me, give me bruises, etc. this is why i cannot imagine myself w a man. i’m frightened.

5), when they act all sweet or when i reject them. if one comes up to me and i say no. they get all angry and start saying “you’re so [remark on how i look]” or “i never liked you anyway [horrid name]”. most of them call me that cause apparently i identify as neurodivergent. even worse. they knew about it somehow???”

6), i HATE how i can’t be w men. i get sometimes board when i only like girls and wish I can ditch labels but I don’t FEEL like that. yesterday, I went hotel and saw this white boy who was attractive. lesbians can find men attractive without wanting to date them right? you know when the realisation hits you cause you can’t feel like that cause that isn’t who you are.

7). i want male validation ofc but i identify as sapphic cause i only like women. but how to become friends w a man without having to feel like you wanna date him but that’s truly how you don’t feel? yeah. pain. comphet is getting my ass 😹

8). i am currently planning to stay single forever. i literally cannot handle myself being scared w men. what happened to me? i used to feel so comfortable w them but the bullying... 😕 + i’ve seen how women get abused and rap3d which scares me even worse. i’ve been sexually touched before by a man and at that same night, i dreamed of being rap3d. for no reason. deadass.

so when that my irls be saying, “you turned yourself gay”, “your fault”, la la la, it ain’t my fault. fuck them and tell them to fix up.

but end of my rant, thank you for listening to all that racket 😹 .

Fr wondering if i’m lesbian with comphet or a bisexual.