Kiss Me In Between The Strokes Of Your Paintbrush. Kiss Me In Between The Pages Of The Book You Love

new video!!

what originally started as a 10-episode series culminates as 1 video... is anything more me? =D

i often spend my summer vacation umming and ahhing about what to do because it's so much free time and not a lot to do with it. and every year to combat this, i make a bucket list - usually around exam season to give myself something to look forward to. and every year, i don't even complete half the list. this year, i challenged myself to complete the majority of the list - i still struggled to make my way through the whole thing - but i'll settle for 75% :)

enjoy the video!

love, n xx

a lil ode to being 18

today is my 18th birthday!! and once again, i’m in my feels about getting older. so here’s a lil thing i wrote to put some words to the thoughts in my brain.

growing up is weird.

one moment, you're a baby rolling around on blankets and laughing at the silly faces your parents are making at you, the next, you're a teenager, cramming for your a levels that are less than a week away. one minute, you're endlessly babbling about everything and nothing all at once, the next, you're struggling to find the words to say in front of an interviewer who probably determines the next steps of your life.

in some ways, i miss being a little kid - when life got tough, you could just play pretend, santa still existed, and your biggest problem was whether the 'i' came before or after the 'e' in believe, because, trust me, i always struggled with that one.

growing up is weird, because when i was little, i couldn't wait to be grown up - i couldn't wait to be 10, then 13, then 16, then 18. and now that i'm here? well, it just feels like more of the same.

i still feel just as naive as i was 6 months ago. except now, i can drive alone and vote. but at the same time, i feel light years away from the little kid who liked to talk to no one on the phone and sung hindi songs in the strongest british accent you've ever heard. i kinda want to go back.

i want to go back to sitting in my friend's mum's old toyota yaris while she drove us both to orchestra, and playing pretend in the house my neighbours used to live in with the park across the road. playing mums and dads under the table at my best friend's house - the table that he still has because somethings never change, i guess.

i want to go back to when the best thing in the world was pineapple upside down cake with custard, and when the most exciting part of the day was reading time. i want to go back to the bench we used to have our lunch on in school, even if i'm not friends with half the people who sat with me anymore, or back to music class, where all anyone did was chat. i want to go back to agreeing to wake up at 6am at sleepovers and when the only songs i wrote were about how much i missed my friends when they went away for the summer.

growing up is weird because i've been waiting for this day since i was old enough to know what growing up meant. and yet it still feels sudden, like it's been sprung on me without warning. it's like one minute you're one person and the next you're someone completely different, with no chance of ever going back.

growing up is weird, and it's wonderful, and i think i'm ready to keep going.

sorry i missed today's (05-12) video!! it should be up midnight today :)

update: it went up at like 2 am :)

little white lies

"i'm 5 minutes away" "my phone died" "this is delicious" "you look amazing" "i love you too."

'little white lies', nini (11-06-2021)

autumn bucket list

watch 'gilmore girls'

make cookies

crochet something

record an autumn podcast

have a bath

watch a horror film

go on a solo date

go on an autumn walk

cozy up with a book

autumn clean (like a spring clean, but in autumn)

carve a pumpkin

make pumpkin soup

celebrate diwali

make hot chocolate

celebrate friendsgiving

january journalling prompts

New Year's Resolutions

Where do you want to be by the end of this year? How would you be different then to who you are now?

What is one word you would use to describe this year, and why?

Things to do more of.

Things to do less of.

Letter to your past self.

Letter to your future self.

What does self-love look like to you?

Three places you would like to visit.

Last, Now, Next - books to read.

Ideal Morning Routine

What is your favourite thing about weekends right now?

If you were a type of weather, what kind of weather would you be?

What were you doing at 10am today?

Write a letter to your childhood best friend?

Write about the last time you were disappointed in yourself.

If you could run away, where would you go? Who would you go with?

Your current favourite song.

Your biggest annoyance right now.

What is your earliest memory?

If you had to get a tattoo right now, what would you get?

Write a letter to your crush.

Favourite movie or TV show right now.

Dream job aesthetic.

How late did you stay up last night? Why?

What was your favourite moment of today?

If you were a scent, what scent would you be?

What is your biggest fear? How would you overcome it?

Five things that make you smile.

What is your ideal day?

January rewind.

Orange Juice: how it perfectly encapsulates the bittersweet emotion of outgrowing people you once thought would be in your life forever. Knowing that you are leaving your past life behind for something better for you, more fulfilling and still, somehow, feeling extreme guilt for it. @tehenesstehe on TikTok

Orange Juice: The Bittersweet Art of Outgrowing People

Noah Kahan’s Orange Juice captures the devastating, complicated emotions that come with outgrowing people you once thought would be in your life forever. It tells the story of two friends, bound by a shared trauma, but ultimately separated by the ways they chose to cope — one staying behind, one moving on. Through the lens of sobriety, hometown loyalty, and the inevitable drift that comes with change, Kahan perfectly encapsulates the bittersweet guilt that accompanies growth.

The song opens with an invitation: "Honey, come over, the party's gone slower, and no one will tempt you, we know you got sober." Here, sobriety becomes a symbol for change. In a world where drinking is often synonymous with socializing, choosing not to drink can be an isolating experience. The speaker tries to bridge the gap, offering reassurance and, later, orange juice as a gesture of care. Yet, even this well-meaning offering, "there's orange juice in the kitchen, bought for the children," comes with a sting. The comment infantilizes the subject, quietly reinforcing the distance between them. It’s a subtle reminder that even when people try to meet us where we are, they can never fully understand the version of ourselves that has evolved in our absence.

Kahan explained that Orange Juice is about how trauma can either bind people together or drive them apart. In this case, the accident that they endured together creates a permanent fracture. Initially, the subject sought comfort in the speaker's arms, but eventually, pain curdled into anger, and solace was found elsewhere — in religion, in distance, in reinvention. "Now I'm third in the lineup, between your lord and your saviour," the speaker notes, realizing that the connection they once had has been replaced by something new, something unreachable.

The chorus lays bare the speaker’s guilt and self-centered grief: "Feels like I've been ready for you to come home for so long that I didn't think to ask you where you'd gone." In friendships, especially ones rooted in a shared hometown, it’s easy to assume permanence — to believe that no matter what, people will stay the same, stay close. When they don't, it feels like betrayal, even when deep down we know that change was necessary for survival. Here, the speaker is forced to confront the uncomfortable truth: they were so busy waiting that they never considered the possibility that the other person had to leave to heal.

The second verse gives us the full weight of what separates them: the memory of the crash, the graves they pass, the visible and invisible scars. The subject may not have been physically wounded, but emotionally, they were wrecked. Meanwhile, the speaker stayed, becoming part of the landscape of their shared pain, while the subject had to leave to find peace. Distance didn't just change the subject; it changed the speaker too — but neither witnessed the other's transformation.

The lines "that my life had changed, and this town had changed, and you had not" speak to one of the most haunting aspects of leaving home: returning to find everything familiar but subtly altered, yourself most of all. When you grow outside of the place and people you once belonged to, you start to realize that the shared history you once clung to is no longer enough to sustain you.

By the end, when the speaker repeats the initial invitation — "Honey, come over, the party's gone slower" — it becomes clear that despite everything, the desire to reconnect remains. The love, though changed, is still there. Both have tried in their own way, but the distance, once created, is almost impossible to bridge.

In Orange Juice, Noah Kahan doesn't villainize change, nor does he celebrate it without acknowledging its cost. Growing into a better, healthier version of yourself can sometimes mean leaving behind people who once felt like your entire world. And even when you know it’s what’s best — for you, for them — the guilt lingers. It's the bittersweet truth of outgrowing: mourning the past while still reaching for a better future.

a beginner's guide to classic literature

So years and years ago, I wrote a speech (it was for my GCSE spoken language) about how we should re-evaluate how we teach classic literature in school. (If you couldn't tell, I didn't enjoy English when I was at school :P)

Anyway. Having aged about 4 years since then, I can say that I have gained a bit more of an appreciation of classic literature (even though I still stand by my speech). So I thought I'd give a little bit of a list of easy-to-read classics:

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott To be so real, I read Little Women when I was 14, AND I LOVED IT! Despite it being set during the Civil War, it still feels progressive today: it's a story about women's independence and the importance of following your dreams. (Also, I love the movie made by Greta Gerwig!)

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley I love this book - mainly because I love Mary Shelley. The morally ambiguous characters, the amazing plot, and the fact that it's so short and sweet make it one of my favourites. Also, the fact that it's the origin of modern science fiction? Incredible.

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen It's like one of the most classic of classic love stories. I, personally, am not a big romance lover, but for those who are, it's a must-read.

Emma by Jane Austen In my mind, while Pride and Prejudice is more iconic, Emma is an easier and funnier read. Emma is my favourite Jane Austen protagonist and both major adaptations of Emma ('Clueless' and 'Emma' starring Anya Taylor Joy).

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald I LOVE THIS STORY. It's a captivating story of love, loss, and the decadent but destructive 'Roaring Twenties'. I have no words. Please read it.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte An unlikely love story. I was introduced to this story through a play at the National Theatre and the play was so incredible that I decided to read the book.

Animal Farm by George Orwell On the surface, this book is just a story about farm animals revolting against a farmer and taking over the farmyard. But given that Orwell is a god at writing satirical commentaries of the world around him (he also wrote 1984), Animal Farm is a brilliant satire about corruption and a warning about the danger of totalitarianism.

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson Again, a pretty short book (it's a novella not a full-length novel) which makes it a pretty easy read. It's a story that most people know the plot to and the language is pretty accessible as well.

Alice in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass by Lewis Carroll I've loved the story of 'Alice in Wonderland' since I was a little kid, so I really liked reading the original story. It's a pretty simple book - standing at around 100 pages and originally written for children, it's an imaginative and playful world that makes me feel like a child again :)

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens Another novella, A Christmas Carol is one of the most well-known festive stories and I make a point to read it every Christmas. At its core, it's a redemption story that transcends time and culture and it shows that everyone can change.

I hope you enjoy reading them, and let me know what your favourite classic is!!

look, i didn't want to be a half-blood. percy jackson and the lightning thief - rick riordan

happy 12th birthday to my lil sister! love ya!

how to save a bad day.

Today was not a good day. I had an exam in the morning that I prepared so hard for but I walked out knowing I'd pretty much failed. I walked out pretty dejected and just overall, I felt pretty lost. So I thought I'd take myself out (a lil pity solo date) to try and make myself feel better.

Go on a walk. Seeing as I was already out of the house (I was at uni) I took myself on a little walk. I walked into town and just browsed through a bunch of shops. I didn't need anything so it was nice to just window shop.

Go to a coffee shop. I went to Black Sheep Coffee - one of my favourite coffee shops in town - and ordered a decaf coffee (it was like midday so I chose decaf so that I'd actually be able to sleep). I sat on a little corner table and just people watched for a little bit, while I was waiting for my coffee.

Read a book. After getting my coffee, I pulled out my book. I'm currently reading Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief. NGL, I was slightly self-conscious - I live in predominantly a university town so there are a lot of people my age and older, and I am reading a book aimed at children - but in all honesty, I love the book too much to dwell on it for too long.

Journal. After a while of reading and sipping my coffee, I felt a bit more calm and wanted to journal. Journalling helps me when I'm stressed or anxious sometimes because it helps me work out exactly how I feel. It also helps me keep track of what happened when because I have the worst memory ever. After journalling (and starting on a bit of revision) I headed off home - the walk was nice, even if it's long. I listened to a podcast on the way home. NGL though, it was freezing cold because it was like 2 -3 degrees at the time.

Shower. I got home and took a shower to warm up. I will say though showers are great to let go of whatever's weighing on you. Literally, let it wash away from you :)

Relax/Do Something Entertaining. I watched a few more episodes of Doctor Who while waiting for my hair to dry. I also started crocheting a new project :)

Make Dinner. I made (Fake) Chicken Noodle Soup for dinner - if you want a recipe, let me know and I'll post it here or on my tiktok (@niagosavi).

Try and Get An Early Night. I think I went to bed around 10pm that night - I had been awake since like 6am so I was knackered.

Bad days are inevitable but they are not the end of the world. Remember, it's a bad day, not a bad life.