Autumn Bucket List

guess what i just found out!! i can access the economist through my university WHICH MEANS I DON’T HAVE TO PAY!!!

i am about to become insufferable. :)

sorry i missed today's (05-12) video!! it should be up midnight today :)

update: it went up at like 2 am :)

dear lizzy mcalpine

On October 25th, 2024, I went to the Lizzy McAlpine concert at the Eventim Apollo (London) and let me tell you, it was genuinely one of the best concert experiences I've ever had. From the moment the lights dimmed and Lizzy took the stage, I felt enveloped in the warm and cosy atmosphere that set the tone for the entire evening.

Lizzy's performance style is refreshingly intimate: I kinda felt like I was third (or tenth) wheeling as Lizzy and her band jammed out together on stage. The set was so minimalistic - which I loved. Lizzy spent the majority of the concert seated in the middle of the stage with her guitar in hand. It felt like she was inviting us into her world, and to be honest, I kinda never wanted to leave.

Occasionally, she would switch to the piano on one side of the stage for 1-2 songs and those moments were particularly magical. You could see the connection between her and her instruments; it was clear she was flexing (not in a bad way) her Berklee education in the way she intertwined the music with the lyrics she was singing.

'Older' has some of my favourite songs ever on it because I feel like I just relate to the complexities of growing older and coming to terms with the end of a relationship. Lizzy's voice, both powerful and delicate, carried the weight of her lyrics beautifully. I found myself completely absorbed in the performance, holding onto her every word, feeling every emotion she conveyed. It was a captivating blend of vulnerability and strength that made the night unforgettable.

In a world where concerts often feel like a spectacle, Lizzy McAlpine's show reminded me of the beauty of simplicity and sincerity. I left the venue not just entertained but profoundly moved by the chance to see her live, I highly recommend you take it.

Love,

Nia <3

new video!!

what originally started as a 10-episode series culminates as 1 video... is anything more me? =D

i often spend my summer vacation umming and ahhing about what to do because it's so much free time and not a lot to do with it. and every year to combat this, i make a bucket list - usually around exam season to give myself something to look forward to. and every year, i don't even complete half the list. this year, i challenged myself to complete the majority of the list - i still struggled to make my way through the whole thing - but i'll settle for 75% :)

enjoy the video!

love, n xx

umm i'm giving up on vlogmas!!

sorry guys!!

i just think that the content feels rushed and i'm not really a good enough editor anymore to produce the content that i want to that quickly. also, i want to have some time to relax and revise for my exams in january which are a lot earlier than i thought.

i'm going to try and bring back regular uploads in january so i will see you then.

love you.

maybe all it is, is to find yourself in the eternal mundane of everyday, the sunsets and sunrises, the scratching of pencils and the clacking of keyboards. to lose yourself in the nooks and crannies of life, the swirling of coffee and the chatter of patrons, the choruses of songs and the chapters of books. to know and not know that maybe this is enough.

'the philosophy of adolescence', nini (07-06-2021)

ABOUT ME!

nini | biomed student | she/her | ISTJ | 19F

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advice, self-care, book reviews, recipes, general life updates

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a beginner's guide to classic literature

So years and years ago, I wrote a speech (it was for my GCSE spoken language) about how we should re-evaluate how we teach classic literature in school. (If you couldn't tell, I didn't enjoy English when I was at school :P)

Anyway. Having aged about 4 years since then, I can say that I have gained a bit more of an appreciation of classic literature (even though I still stand by my speech). So I thought I'd give a little bit of a list of easy-to-read classics:

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott To be so real, I read Little Women when I was 14, AND I LOVED IT! Despite it being set during the Civil War, it still feels progressive today: it's a story about women's independence and the importance of following your dreams. (Also, I love the movie made by Greta Gerwig!)

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley I love this book - mainly because I love Mary Shelley. The morally ambiguous characters, the amazing plot, and the fact that it's so short and sweet make it one of my favourites. Also, the fact that it's the origin of modern science fiction? Incredible.

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen It's like one of the most classic of classic love stories. I, personally, am not a big romance lover, but for those who are, it's a must-read.

Emma by Jane Austen In my mind, while Pride and Prejudice is more iconic, Emma is an easier and funnier read. Emma is my favourite Jane Austen protagonist and both major adaptations of Emma ('Clueless' and 'Emma' starring Anya Taylor Joy).

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald I LOVE THIS STORY. It's a captivating story of love, loss, and the decadent but destructive 'Roaring Twenties'. I have no words. Please read it.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte An unlikely love story. I was introduced to this story through a play at the National Theatre and the play was so incredible that I decided to read the book.

Animal Farm by George Orwell On the surface, this book is just a story about farm animals revolting against a farmer and taking over the farmyard. But given that Orwell is a god at writing satirical commentaries of the world around him (he also wrote 1984), Animal Farm is a brilliant satire about corruption and a warning about the danger of totalitarianism.

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson Again, a pretty short book (it's a novella not a full-length novel) which makes it a pretty easy read. It's a story that most people know the plot to and the language is pretty accessible as well.

Alice in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass by Lewis Carroll I've loved the story of 'Alice in Wonderland' since I was a little kid, so I really liked reading the original story. It's a pretty simple book - standing at around 100 pages and originally written for children, it's an imaginative and playful world that makes me feel like a child again :)

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens Another novella, A Christmas Carol is one of the most well-known festive stories and I make a point to read it every Christmas. At its core, it's a redemption story that transcends time and culture and it shows that everyone can change.

I hope you enjoy reading them, and let me know what your favourite classic is!!

Orange Juice: how it perfectly encapsulates the bittersweet emotion of outgrowing people you once thought would be in your life forever. Knowing that you are leaving your past life behind for something better for you, more fulfilling and still, somehow, feeling extreme guilt for it. @tehenesstehe on TikTok

Orange Juice: The Bittersweet Art of Outgrowing People

Noah Kahan’s Orange Juice captures the devastating, complicated emotions that come with outgrowing people you once thought would be in your life forever. It tells the story of two friends, bound by a shared trauma, but ultimately separated by the ways they chose to cope — one staying behind, one moving on. Through the lens of sobriety, hometown loyalty, and the inevitable drift that comes with change, Kahan perfectly encapsulates the bittersweet guilt that accompanies growth.

The song opens with an invitation: "Honey, come over, the party's gone slower, and no one will tempt you, we know you got sober." Here, sobriety becomes a symbol for change. In a world where drinking is often synonymous with socializing, choosing not to drink can be an isolating experience. The speaker tries to bridge the gap, offering reassurance and, later, orange juice as a gesture of care. Yet, even this well-meaning offering, "there's orange juice in the kitchen, bought for the children," comes with a sting. The comment infantilizes the subject, quietly reinforcing the distance between them. It’s a subtle reminder that even when people try to meet us where we are, they can never fully understand the version of ourselves that has evolved in our absence.

Kahan explained that Orange Juice is about how trauma can either bind people together or drive them apart. In this case, the accident that they endured together creates a permanent fracture. Initially, the subject sought comfort in the speaker's arms, but eventually, pain curdled into anger, and solace was found elsewhere — in religion, in distance, in reinvention. "Now I'm third in the lineup, between your lord and your saviour," the speaker notes, realizing that the connection they once had has been replaced by something new, something unreachable.

The chorus lays bare the speaker’s guilt and self-centered grief: "Feels like I've been ready for you to come home for so long that I didn't think to ask you where you'd gone." In friendships, especially ones rooted in a shared hometown, it’s easy to assume permanence — to believe that no matter what, people will stay the same, stay close. When they don't, it feels like betrayal, even when deep down we know that change was necessary for survival. Here, the speaker is forced to confront the uncomfortable truth: they were so busy waiting that they never considered the possibility that the other person had to leave to heal.

The second verse gives us the full weight of what separates them: the memory of the crash, the graves they pass, the visible and invisible scars. The subject may not have been physically wounded, but emotionally, they were wrecked. Meanwhile, the speaker stayed, becoming part of the landscape of their shared pain, while the subject had to leave to find peace. Distance didn't just change the subject; it changed the speaker too — but neither witnessed the other's transformation.

The lines "that my life had changed, and this town had changed, and you had not" speak to one of the most haunting aspects of leaving home: returning to find everything familiar but subtly altered, yourself most of all. When you grow outside of the place and people you once belonged to, you start to realize that the shared history you once clung to is no longer enough to sustain you.

By the end, when the speaker repeats the initial invitation — "Honey, come over, the party's gone slower" — it becomes clear that despite everything, the desire to reconnect remains. The love, though changed, is still there. Both have tried in their own way, but the distance, once created, is almost impossible to bridge.

In Orange Juice, Noah Kahan doesn't villainize change, nor does he celebrate it without acknowledging its cost. Growing into a better, healthier version of yourself can sometimes mean leaving behind people who once felt like your entire world. And even when you know it’s what’s best — for you, for them — the guilt lingers. It's the bittersweet truth of outgrowing: mourning the past while still reaching for a better future.

kiss me in between the strokes of your paintbrush. kiss me in between the pages of the book you love so much.

'artiste', nini (07-06-2021)