A Lil Ode To Being 18

check out my new birthday vlog!! hope you love it!!

love, n. xx

a lil ode to being 18

today is my 18th birthday!! and once again, i’m in my feels about getting older. so here’s a lil thing i wrote to put some words to the thoughts in my brain.

growing up is weird.

one moment, you're a baby rolling around on blankets and laughing at the silly faces your parents are making at you, the next, you're a teenager, cramming for your a levels that are less than a week away. one minute, you're endlessly babbling about everything and nothing all at once, the next, you're struggling to find the words to say in front of an interviewer who probably determines the next steps of your life.

in some ways, i miss being a little kid - when life got tough, you could just play pretend, santa still existed, and your biggest problem was whether the 'i' came before or after the 'e' in believe, because, trust me, i always struggled with that one.

growing up is weird, because when i was little, i couldn't wait to be grown up - i couldn't wait to be 10, then 13, then 16, then 18. and now that i'm here? well, it just feels like more of the same.

i still feel just as naive as i was 6 months ago. except now, i can drive alone and vote. but at the same time, i feel light years away from the little kid who liked to talk to no one on the phone and sung hindi songs in the strongest british accent you've ever heard. i kinda want to go back.

i want to go back to sitting in my friend's mum's old toyota yaris while she drove us both to orchestra, and playing pretend in the house my neighbours used to live in with the park across the road. playing mums and dads under the table at my best friend's house - the table that he still has because somethings never change, i guess.

i want to go back to when the best thing in the world was pineapple upside down cake with custard, and when the most exciting part of the day was reading time. i want to go back to the bench we used to have our lunch on in school, even if i'm not friends with half the people who sat with me anymore, or back to music class, where all anyone did was chat. i want to go back to agreeing to wake up at 6am at sleepovers and when the only songs i wrote were about how much i missed my friends when they went away for the summer.

growing up is weird because i've been waiting for this day since i was old enough to know what growing up meant. and yet it still feels sudden, like it's been sprung on me without warning. it's like one minute you're one person and the next you're someone completely different, with no chance of ever going back.

growing up is weird, and it's wonderful, and i think i'm ready to keep going.

a beginner's guide to classic literature

So years and years ago, I wrote a speech (it was for my GCSE spoken language) about how we should re-evaluate how we teach classic literature in school. (If you couldn't tell, I didn't enjoy English when I was at school :P)

Anyway. Having aged about 4 years since then, I can say that I have gained a bit more of an appreciation of classic literature (even though I still stand by my speech). So I thought I'd give a little bit of a list of easy-to-read classics:

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott To be so real, I read Little Women when I was 14, AND I LOVED IT! Despite it being set during the Civil War, it still feels progressive today: it's a story about women's independence and the importance of following your dreams. (Also, I love the movie made by Greta Gerwig!)

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley I love this book - mainly because I love Mary Shelley. The morally ambiguous characters, the amazing plot, and the fact that it's so short and sweet make it one of my favourites. Also, the fact that it's the origin of modern science fiction? Incredible.

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen It's like one of the most classic of classic love stories. I, personally, am not a big romance lover, but for those who are, it's a must-read.

Emma by Jane Austen In my mind, while Pride and Prejudice is more iconic, Emma is an easier and funnier read. Emma is my favourite Jane Austen protagonist and both major adaptations of Emma ('Clueless' and 'Emma' starring Anya Taylor Joy).

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald I LOVE THIS STORY. It's a captivating story of love, loss, and the decadent but destructive 'Roaring Twenties'. I have no words. Please read it.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte An unlikely love story. I was introduced to this story through a play at the National Theatre and the play was so incredible that I decided to read the book.

Animal Farm by George Orwell On the surface, this book is just a story about farm animals revolting against a farmer and taking over the farmyard. But given that Orwell is a god at writing satirical commentaries of the world around him (he also wrote 1984), Animal Farm is a brilliant satire about corruption and a warning about the danger of totalitarianism.

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson Again, a pretty short book (it's a novella not a full-length novel) which makes it a pretty easy read. It's a story that most people know the plot to and the language is pretty accessible as well.

Alice in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass by Lewis Carroll I've loved the story of 'Alice in Wonderland' since I was a little kid, so I really liked reading the original story. It's a pretty simple book - standing at around 100 pages and originally written for children, it's an imaginative and playful world that makes me feel like a child again :)

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens Another novella, A Christmas Carol is one of the most well-known festive stories and I make a point to read it every Christmas. At its core, it's a redemption story that transcends time and culture and it shows that everyone can change.

I hope you enjoy reading them, and let me know what your favourite classic is!!

i'm doing vlogmas!!

every day in december, i'll be uploading a new video so i hope you enjoy!!

click here if you wanna check out the channel!

dear lizzy mcalpine

On October 25th, 2024, I went to the Lizzy McAlpine concert at the Eventim Apollo (London) and let me tell you, it was genuinely one of the best concert experiences I've ever had. From the moment the lights dimmed and Lizzy took the stage, I felt enveloped in the warm and cosy atmosphere that set the tone for the entire evening.

Lizzy's performance style is refreshingly intimate: I kinda felt like I was third (or tenth) wheeling as Lizzy and her band jammed out together on stage. The set was so minimalistic - which I loved. Lizzy spent the majority of the concert seated in the middle of the stage with her guitar in hand. It felt like she was inviting us into her world, and to be honest, I kinda never wanted to leave.

Occasionally, she would switch to the piano on one side of the stage for 1-2 songs and those moments were particularly magical. You could see the connection between her and her instruments; it was clear she was flexing (not in a bad way) her Berklee education in the way she intertwined the music with the lyrics she was singing.

'Older' has some of my favourite songs ever on it because I feel like I just relate to the complexities of growing older and coming to terms with the end of a relationship. Lizzy's voice, both powerful and delicate, carried the weight of her lyrics beautifully. I found myself completely absorbed in the performance, holding onto her every word, feeling every emotion she conveyed. It was a captivating blend of vulnerability and strength that made the night unforgettable.

In a world where concerts often feel like a spectacle, Lizzy McAlpine's show reminded me of the beauty of simplicity and sincerity. I left the venue not just entertained but profoundly moved by the chance to see her live, I highly recommend you take it.

Love,

Nia <3

new video!!

what originally started as a 10-episode series culminates as 1 video... is anything more me? =D

i often spend my summer vacation umming and ahhing about what to do because it's so much free time and not a lot to do with it. and every year to combat this, i make a bucket list - usually around exam season to give myself something to look forward to. and every year, i don't even complete half the list. this year, i challenged myself to complete the majority of the list - i still struggled to make my way through the whole thing - but i'll settle for 75% :)

enjoy the video!

love, n xx

january journalling prompts

New Year's Resolutions

Where do you want to be by the end of this year? How would you be different then to who you are now?

What is one word you would use to describe this year, and why?

Things to do more of.

Things to do less of.

Letter to your past self.

Letter to your future self.

What does self-love look like to you?

Three places you would like to visit.

Last, Now, Next - books to read.

Ideal Morning Routine

What is your favourite thing about weekends right now?

If you were a type of weather, what kind of weather would you be?

What were you doing at 10am today?

Write a letter to your childhood best friend?

Write about the last time you were disappointed in yourself.

If you could run away, where would you go? Who would you go with?

Your current favourite song.

Your biggest annoyance right now.

What is your earliest memory?

If you had to get a tattoo right now, what would you get?

Write a letter to your crush.

Favourite movie or TV show right now.

Dream job aesthetic.

How late did you stay up last night? Why?

What was your favourite moment of today?

If you were a scent, what scent would you be?

What is your biggest fear? How would you overcome it?

Five things that make you smile.

What is your ideal day?

January rewind.

guess what i just found out!! i can access the economist through my university WHICH MEANS I DON’T HAVE TO PAY!!!

i am about to become insufferable. :)

why we should reevaluate how we learn about classical literature

not my image (i believe the credit is @endlessbookclub on instagram). message me for removal.

Classic Literature is important. It helps us understand the perspective and viewpoint of the past, which impacts the future as it helps us learn from the faults and mistakes of our predecessors. 

Classic Literature is a fluid term; it can be used to describe any period of literature that has been enjoyed for generations. But perspectives change over generation, especially over the past 50-60 years. We have seen massive changes in the way we view each other and development in tolerance and acceptance of race, sex, and orientation. And hence, some classical literature can perpetrate offensive and harmful stereotypes, as many authors of the time had similar views because they were cisgender, heterosexual white men. For example, of the top 30 classical authors, only 8 were women, and only 1 was a confirmed homosexual. None of them were people of colour. Due to the oppression of the time, there was a complete lack of diverse voices in society at the time. But considering that we have come a long way since then, we should read a book by wider range of narrators and acknowledge that a lot of classical literature is problematic. 

To start, let’s talk about race. There are some obvious issues about race in some classics. For example, in ‘Huckleberry Finn’ by Mark Twain, he uses the same racial slur around 200 times in the text. This is problematic because Mark Twain was a white man, and the slurs he used were derogatory to black people. Another example of this is Joseph Conrad’s ‘Heart of Darkness’. It perpetrates harmful racial stereotypes when it depicts the African natives, even though it was trying to antagonise European colonialism. But, as it is written from the perspective of a white man, it doesn’t do justice to the experience of the African natives. The savage and cannibalistic behaviours in relation to the natives depicts the idea of black people being violent. These stereotypes can be harmful as it can influence current perspectives of black people, as it can cause them to be misjudged and therefore discriminated against.

There are also oppressive undertones to books such as ‘Gone with the Wind’ and ‘The Secret Garden’. ‘The Secret Garden’ is set in India at the beginning, and the use of disease to remove Mary from India perpetrates the idea that India is a disgusting, disease-ridden wasteland, which is untrue. Mary’s treatment of the servants at the beginning and then later when she comes back to England, is extremely racist. Mary seems to believe people of colour are supposed to subservient, for example the fact that she expects the servant to be coloured. It also presents Indians as willingly in servitude, which is historically inaccurate. The same is true for ‘Gone with the Wind’ as it depicts slaves as docile and loyal, thus ignoring their struggle. This racist viewpoint invalidates people of colour, who have faced hundreds of years of oppression. This type of narrative silences the stories of those who have faced incredible hardship, and though these books are not necessarily intentionally silencing people, they still have that effect. 

Then in terms of women in classic literature, they are generally portrayed as subservient and one-dimensional. In Jane Austen’s ‘Pride and Prejudice’, many of the characters are shown to only want to be marriageable, which creates the idea that women are dependent on men. However when a woman is powerful or emotional, she is generally crazy, evil or both. This is because women were supposed to be innocent and submissive to men, so when they are not submissive, they must be evil. A prime example of this, is Lady Macbeth in the play ‘Macbeth’ by Shakespeare. She is a powerful woman, as she is seen to have power over her husband in some scenes in the play. However, her power leads to her eventual demise - as she is driven insane and commits suicide, which was a terrible sin. 

In Classic Literature, homosexuality is rarely discussed, even implicitly, as in a largely christian society, homosexuality was an extremely taboo subject. However, in Robert Louis Stevenson’s ‘The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde’, the ambiguity of the character of Hyde could lend itself to the interpretation that Hyde is the manifestation of a homosexual. The fact that he was an indescribable malformation could be that he is a homosexual as homosexuality is not something that is visible, but was considered a malformation at the time. In conjunction with this, the fact that through the use of metonymy, Hyde is linked to Soho. Soho was a place of disrepute, and housed many ‘sinful’ things such as prostitution, gin palaces, and music halls. It wouldn’t be wrong to assume that the few homosexuals of Victorian London lived in Soho, or a place akin to it. However, the fact that Hyde is a manifestation of evil and thus perpetrates the idea that homosexuality is evil. 

At the Holt School, we learn a variety of books. However, out of all the books we read, only 2 were written by women, and one by a person of colour. Chinese Cinderella was written by Adaline Yen Mah, a woman of colour. It discusses Chinese culture in a very interesting way, and it inspires discussions about the complexity of foreign traditions. Learning in school is one of the best ways to combat discrimination, and so the following books are ones about different experiences that I believe are important to discuss in school: in terms of race, the book ‘Things Fall Apart’, written by Nigerian author Chinua Achebe, discusses pre-colonial life in Nigeria and the arrival of Europeans in the late 19th century. and the book ‘Train to Pakistan’ by Khushwant Singh which discusses the Partition of 1947 from the perspective of an Indian villager who lived on the border. In terms of sexuality, the book ‘Freakboy’ discusses the idea that being transgender isn’t related to your appearance and how much you enjoy stereotypically masculine things, just what you believe to be your gender identity. In terms of race, there is the book ‘Daughter of Fortune’ which has an immigrant female protagonist, and discusses the gold rush in America, and the mass immigration that happened there. Finally, the book ‘Boys don’t cry’ by Malorie Blackman discusses single parenthood and men taking on a stereotypically feminine role in a household.

All of this is to say that while Classic Literature can be interesting and is important to know about, we should also read books that discuss more current struggles and were written by a wider range of authors, in order to gain exposure to a larger range of narratives and become better global citizens. 

(this was my gcse spoken language from 2021. i was really proud of it, so i thought i’d share)

love, n. xx

autumn bucket list

watch 'gilmore girls'

make cookies

crochet something

record an autumn podcast

have a bath

watch a horror film

go on a solo date

go on an autumn walk

cozy up with a book

autumn clean (like a spring clean, but in autumn)

carve a pumpkin

make pumpkin soup

celebrate diwali

make hot chocolate

celebrate friendsgiving

ABOUT ME!

nini | biomed student | she/her | ISTJ | 19F

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