24.05.24

“Don’t lie, because the same people who believe your lies are also the ones who believe in you.”

— Unknown

23.05.24

[Exams 2/4]

My stats test is today, I'm nervous. I haven't left my dorm in days. I have either been revising or sleeping, I'm not feeling great mentally or physically. Talking to my boyfirend helps, but we're mid/long distance and I really am missing him, this is the longest we've been apart since we got together. I should get used to being away from him. If I get onto this study abroad scheme, I won't see him for alost a whole year (I'll go back once for Christmas). Not seeing him is definitley not helping my mood. Luckily, he's super supportive, ang is sending my lots of encouraging messages. He believes in me more than I believe in myself. If he thinks I can do it, I must be able to, I haven't seen him be wrong yet.

My sister is giving birth today, its definitely a distraction. I am going to struggle in the test if I don't hear back from her before I go in. Re-taking these tests means I won't qualify for my study abroad. I know I've done the best I can with revision and studying, and its going to be a big blow to me if my 100% best still isn't enough. Exam anxiety doesn't help either- if I get 100% on a mock, I can expect at least a 10% reduction on the actual exam, which means when I'm hardly passing mocks, I am not confident for the real thing. I have done everything I can, I need to trust that my best is enough.

The baby is born- its healthy and cute. My exam is in an hour, I don't know what to think about it.

Exam is done! I don't think it went too bad but I can't be sure- we'll see.

(No pics I've hardly left my dorm)

in a month from now, you'll either have a month of progress, or a month of excuses why you didn't.

15.05.24

Yesterday was less than the best day of my life. I'm struggling with imposter syndrome- the truth is that I have and am doing my best, I am studying all day everyday and it just doesn't seem to be enough. I just can't get the content.

I have my last seminar of first year today, and a networking event for students planning to study abroad (like me). So far I've met two others (both psychology students) they are bith nice, one is making more of an effort to connect than the other. I plan on going on a night out with her after exams- something to look forward to. I always struggle with exam season, but I also always get the gardes I need. I need to trust that what I've done and what I'm doing will be enough. That's easier said than done.

I've been neglecting other responsibilites, so I'm going to make a mission to do one non-academic thing everyday (other than on the days I have actual exams). Today I did my laundry. It doesn't sound like alot but letting these things build up definitely contibutes to my stress levels- coming back to a well-kept dorm should help.

I was the only one to show up to my seminar- me and the semiar leas just had a chat about life and university. We talked about the evils of TikTok and ghosting people- we talked about what we wanted out of life. It was strange to connect with someone who was doing much better than me academically (phd student) but had all the same issues and fears; he got stressed, he procrastinates, he had imposter syndrome, but he did it. Maybe I can too. It was the best seminar I've been to and we didn't even go over the content.

When I left it was raining

The meeting for study abroad students was fun, we went over some of the cultural differences. I found out that the Malaysian legal drinking age is 21, meaning I'll have to stay sober- that's less than ideal. I made a groupchat with alot of them and we stood outside the room afterwards talking, that has to be a good sign. Hopefully they like me because I'm going abroad with them so if they don't it'll be a lonely year. I'm conforted by my general lack of friends now in that reguard. If I can be alone and not lonely in England, I can do it in Malaysia.

I called my family and talked to them for awhile- I half miss them and I'm half glad to be away from the chaos. It's difficult, but I plan on seeing them soon :) I ate loaded potato tots with chicken, chesse, gray, and sauce; it's my new obsession!

I spent the rest of the day studying Social Psychology because that's my first exam :)

Love is taking care of myself because I know he wants me to

01.08.24

April begins! Lots of chaos will be happening this month as I expect to be studying abroad for a year by early September- so it's the final (big) push to ensure all the paperwork is sorted. Today I found out that my visa had been rejected for medical reasons- and when I contacted my university for help, they were not helpful at all. I'll need to keep on top of them to ensure that my application doesn't slip through the cracks.

On a brighter note, it's my brother's birthday today; as well as my boyfriend's and granddad's later in the month. This is good for parties, but bad for my bank account (lots of presents to be bought). I also have a family holiday at the end of the month, which is with my extended family (on my mother's side), so that is another thing to look forward to.

I realised yesterday that my bellybutton piercing fell out, so I'll also need to get a new one today before the hole closes up (it hurt to get it done, and took forever to heal, so I'm trying my absolute best to avoid having to go through that again.

I got a new laptop- it's meant to be for my birthday, but I should be abroad by then, so I got it early. It should be good for my schoolwork and actually be able to run the necessary programmes, hopefully meaning I'll get more done as I won't be forged to only work in the library.

At least the weather is nice.

17.09.24

Today was a loong day. I went out for breakfast at a café called 'Fox', I had a honey-glazed chicken sandwich, and a salted caramel latte. The chicken had bones in, which is definitely a cultural difference that I'm not yet used to, but it was delicious. The coffee was really good too. Then, we went into KL and spent the day in the central market, and went shopping with my friends for clothes. There were some really pretty clothes there, I would recommend it! We ate at the Pavilion mall food court, it was okay. Then we explored the KL Chinatown.

Love always,

~June xx

I hate it when people are like “get out of your comfort zone” literally every single thing I do in my life feels like me getting out of my comfort zone

“i can’t do this anymore” says a girl who is not only going to do it but do it well

16.05.24

(Pics of some blurry bunnies I saw)

Its the weekend! Its a Sunday but work as normal for me- my lab report and first exam is on Monday and I need to make alot of progress on both before I'm ready. There's nothing worse than submitting a piece of unfinished work- or going into an exam feeling unprepared, so I'm trying to avoid both- its definitely a juggling act.

Getting stressed doesn't help anyone, so I'm trying to avoid that at all costs- easier said than done.

I definitely didn't get much done today- my excuse is that I won't be getting much rest over exam season, that's why I was so restful today. I still have so much to do, and it needs to be done soon.