Love Is Taking Care Of Myself Because I Know He Wants Me To

i made memes as a way to study for my research methods final

16.05.24

(Pics of some blurry bunnies I saw)

Its the weekend! Its a Sunday but work as normal for me- my lab report and first exam is on Monday and I need to make alot of progress on both before I'm ready. There's nothing worse than submitting a piece of unfinished work- or going into an exam feeling unprepared, so I'm trying to avoid both- its definitely a juggling act.

Getting stressed doesn't help anyone, so I'm trying to avoid that at all costs- easier said than done.

I definitely didn't get much done today- my excuse is that I won't be getting much rest over exam season, that's why I was so restful today. I still have so much to do, and it needs to be done soon.

15.05.24

Yesterday was less than the best day of my life. I'm struggling with imposter syndrome- the truth is that I have and am doing my best, I am studying all day everyday and it just doesn't seem to be enough. I just can't get the content.

I have my last seminar of first year today, and a networking event for students planning to study abroad (like me). So far I've met two others (both psychology students) they are bith nice, one is making more of an effort to connect than the other. I plan on going on a night out with her after exams- something to look forward to. I always struggle with exam season, but I also always get the gardes I need. I need to trust that what I've done and what I'm doing will be enough. That's easier said than done.

I've been neglecting other responsibilites, so I'm going to make a mission to do one non-academic thing everyday (other than on the days I have actual exams). Today I did my laundry. It doesn't sound like alot but letting these things build up definitely contibutes to my stress levels- coming back to a well-kept dorm should help.

I was the only one to show up to my seminar- me and the semiar leas just had a chat about life and university. We talked about the evils of TikTok and ghosting people- we talked about what we wanted out of life. It was strange to connect with someone who was doing much better than me academically (phd student) but had all the same issues and fears; he got stressed, he procrastinates, he had imposter syndrome, but he did it. Maybe I can too. It was the best seminar I've been to and we didn't even go over the content.

When I left it was raining

The meeting for study abroad students was fun, we went over some of the cultural differences. I found out that the Malaysian legal drinking age is 21, meaning I'll have to stay sober- that's less than ideal. I made a groupchat with alot of them and we stood outside the room afterwards talking, that has to be a good sign. Hopefully they like me because I'm going abroad with them so if they don't it'll be a lonely year. I'm conforted by my general lack of friends now in that reguard. If I can be alone and not lonely in England, I can do it in Malaysia.

I called my family and talked to them for awhile- I half miss them and I'm half glad to be away from the chaos. It's difficult, but I plan on seeing them soon :) I ate loaded potato tots with chicken, chesse, gray, and sauce; it's my new obsession!

I spent the rest of the day studying Social Psychology because that's my first exam :)

02.11.24

Happy Halloween/Diwali to those who celebrate!

It's been a hectic week, I had a lab report due on Wednesday, so I put all of my time and effort into that. I think I did a good job, but now I'm behind on my studies in general. I have time to catch up, that's going to be my main focus for the week. I also have things to do for the societies that I'm a part of.

I miss my partner a lot- I always miss them, but it has been particularly difficult recently due to not being able to speak to them much, since I have been busy with my report.

I didn't do anything for Diwali really, I expected bigger celebrations, and even went to little India in KL, but it was closed. I got a pretty outfit, and ate, but that's all- it felt like a ghost town.

To Do:

Poster for Merry Mixer, psychsoc

Cognitive notes for thinking lecture

some anki

Reading:

The Ape that understood the Universe- pg. 7

The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the rings- unsure

17.05.24

The weather is nice again! I'm glad the rain definitely dampened my mood.

I spent almost the entire day in the library- found 'You will beat this essay' written on the cublicle wall, it gave me the motivation I needed to get a big chunk of my Lab reoprt done.

Today I;

Did the introduction of my lab report

Did the methodology of my lab report

Created the Figures for my lab report

Started to contact the study abroad students I will be travelling with

Studied social categorisation, stereotyping and prejudice

Studied intergroup relations and conflict

I went to the library and forgot my tablet, so I had to walk all the way there and alllll the way back.

14.05.24

Today is a full study day- exams are drawing near and the pressure is definitely getting to me. Spring semester is so much harder. I have no idea how I'm meant to get so much content memorised by the exams.

On top of this, I have my lab report- no matter how much I work on it, I'm not making any progress, I don't know what to do.

Deep breaths

I had a very late start to the day- I forgot to eat yesterday and people were in my kitchen all morning. I didn't want to leave for the library before eating. Very dramatic I know. I think I was just finding any excuse for more time in bed. I'm in the library now, planning on getting alot done. I brought my coat even though it's May, it's spotting outside but my big coat is too much. I'll need a smaller/lighter one for Malaysia. I can't study too long because I have an event tomorrow.

I spent a long time resting- I need to learn to not push myself too hard. I feel like I'm making no progress with revision and really don't want to fail.

𝔞𝔭𝔥𝔯𝔬𝔡𝔦𝔱𝔢

21.05.24

[Exams 1/4 done]

I had an exam yesterday- I think it went okay, after though I got some food, went to lidl, then slept all day. So it wasn't the most productive. I clearly needed the sleep, so I'm trying to not be too harsh on myself, but I'm still tired now.

Today I just need to study all day. I went to get breakfast and accidently ran into the cleaner, she was panicking about an inspection she has, so I helped her with a bit of the cleaning.

Revising stats is stressful- I feel like I know NOTHING. I got 48 on my last test- my lowest on any university exam so far. I know that panicking won't help me but I still don't feel good. I have today and tomorrow to learn everything (as well as revising for my other exams)- I'm not confident.

I spent the rest of the day napping and then watching Crash Course Statistics. I am nervous for these tests- I am praying for the 50% I need to get onto my study abroad course.

(I didn't take any pictures today)

19.05.24

My first exam is tomorrow- might not post as regularly over the next few days, my blog will obviously be de-prioritised.

I did a mock exam and only anwered half of the questions (didn't attempt the essay questions) and still passed- it relaxed me alot- as long as something doesn't go horribly wrong tomorrow, I should pass. This is my strongest subject this semester so I hope to do well and let it pull up/keep up my GPA.

I have done so much of my lab report now it's the day before it's due why couldn't I have done this ages ago and not stressed myself out aargh!!

Went for a walk in the sun (pictures), went to the library, but didn't stay there long.

Then I went BACK to the library, finished my lab report and submitted it, I'm not 100% happy with it, but that's just the perfectionist in me- really I could have worked on it everyday for the rest of my life and still want to make improvements. Time was up- I had to submit it.

16.05.24

Raining and warm is the worst possible combination. I feel so gross and sweaty. The plan today is to focus on my Lab Report- and get as much done as possible. I feel confident that I can get a big chunk done. It may be wishful thinking but my plan is to get a first draft of everything but the abstact done. The 'We are all Insane' podcast is great background noise for a psych student.

What I did today;

My data analysis

Revised social influence on obedience and conformity

Chunked my Methodology

Studied transmission within synapses

I definitely didn't get as much done as I wanted, but it's better than nothing.