17.09.24

𝔞𝔭𝔥𝔯𝔬𝔡𝔦𝔱𝔢

27.05.24

[Exams 3/4]

The last exam was terrible, the exam writer was lazy (repeating questions, using questions on the mock, asking lots of questions about a tiny part of the syllabus, etc,) it really knocked by confidence and uspet me. I think I should have done better, and don't see the exam as a true reflection of what I can achieve. In all honesty, after the exam I went back to my dorm and cried- out of both upset and frustration. I hope that despite the poor creation of the test, I have done enough to get the grades I need. I have one test left, and I'm definitely burnt out. Everything got on top of me all at once, I miss my family and my sister has recently had a baby, but I haven't met him due to being in exams. Not being around family during such a momentous occasion has made me feel bad about moving away, and about my plans to move even further for the next academic year.

Not being able to see my nephew is a huge sacrifice to me, so to go through that only to sit in an unfair exam was the straw that broke the camel's back. After my last exam, I will be going out clubbing (not something I'm particuarly excited for right now, but I know it will help my social life), then all I want to do is go home to meet the newest member of my family.

(no pictures)

17.05.24

The weather is nice again! I'm glad the rain definitely dampened my mood.

I spent almost the entire day in the library- found 'You will beat this essay' written on the cublicle wall, it gave me the motivation I needed to get a big chunk of my Lab reoprt done.

Today I;

Did the introduction of my lab report

Did the methodology of my lab report

Created the Figures for my lab report

Started to contact the study abroad students I will be travelling with

Studied social categorisation, stereotyping and prejudice

Studied intergroup relations and conflict

I went to the library and forgot my tablet, so I had to walk all the way there and alllll the way back.

12.09.24

I'm in Malaysia now!! The flights were rough.

(Yesterday) 5h 55 into my first flight (to Dubai for layover). I'm an hour into the Hobbit. It's so enchanting. The flight attendants have come around with menus. I've had 1/2 of a bag of Maltesers already. I'm feeling excited but I wish I could message my partner. The long flight will be worse than when I'm actually these- because I can't have any contact at all.

When I landed, I got an airport shuttle provided by the university which felt like it took years. Finally, I arrived to my dorm at around 1pm (Malaysian time), and slept until 8pm. I got snacks from the vending machine, unpacked my suitcase, and fell asleep until the next day.

Today, I did a lot of admin work (signing documents, reading through emails, etc). I also took a walk around the campus- trying get bearings. So far, I've had gyros with fries, and chicken fried rice. The food so far has been really good, but I feel like I've been choosing the safe options, so we'll see how I get on.

01.08.24

April begins! Lots of chaos will be happening this month as I expect to be studying abroad for a year by early September- so it's the final (big) push to ensure all the paperwork is sorted. Today I found out that my visa had been rejected for medical reasons- and when I contacted my university for help, they were not helpful at all. I'll need to keep on top of them to ensure that my application doesn't slip through the cracks.

On a brighter note, it's my brother's birthday today; as well as my boyfriend's and granddad's later in the month. This is good for parties, but bad for my bank account (lots of presents to be bought). I also have a family holiday at the end of the month, which is with my extended family (on my mother's side), so that is another thing to look forward to.

I realised yesterday that my bellybutton piercing fell out, so I'll also need to get a new one today before the hole closes up (it hurt to get it done, and took forever to heal, so I'm trying my absolute best to avoid having to go through that again.

I got a new laptop- it's meant to be for my birthday, but I should be abroad by then, so I got it early. It should be good for my schoolwork and actually be able to run the necessary programmes, hopefully meaning I'll get more done as I won't be forged to only work in the library.

At least the weather is nice.

21.05.24

[Exams 1/4 done]

I had an exam yesterday- I think it went okay, after though I got some food, went to lidl, then slept all day. So it wasn't the most productive. I clearly needed the sleep, so I'm trying to not be too harsh on myself, but I'm still tired now.

Today I just need to study all day. I went to get breakfast and accidently ran into the cleaner, she was panicking about an inspection she has, so I helped her with a bit of the cleaning.

Revising stats is stressful- I feel like I know NOTHING. I got 48 on my last test- my lowest on any university exam so far. I know that panicking won't help me but I still don't feel good. I have today and tomorrow to learn everything (as well as revising for my other exams)- I'm not confident.

I spent the rest of the day napping and then watching Crash Course Statistics. I am nervous for these tests- I am praying for the 50% I need to get onto my study abroad course.

(I didn't take any pictures today)

Last Day in England

09.09.24

I woke up in the arms of my partner- after one of the best night sleeps I've had in a long time. It was a good weekend, a final goodbye to my boyfriend before I leave for my studies. I will come back at Christmas, but right now, that feels like lightyears away. I'll try not to count down every second that we're apart.

After breakfast, I dropped him off at the bus station to make his way home- I couldn't even bear to hug him. I was afraid that if I was able to hold him for one last time, I wouldn't have the willpower to let go.

I spent the rest of the day packing and sorting documents for my flights tomorrow. It will be a long day of travel (two 7+ hr flights) and I'm hoping that everything goes as smoothly as possible.

I had a 'final' meal with my dad- a gammon dinner (English classic); and overall, I'm feeling hopeful about my new year. I'm trying to focus on what the year away will add to my life, and not so much what it will take away. My heart will ache for my boyfriend, my dad, and my dog- but I am opening so many opportunities for myself that wouldn't exist otherwise.

Success takes sacrifice, and I'm grateful to have so much to miss.

I'll finish the rest of my packing, and attempt to have an early night's sleep.

~June xx

(📷: Pinterest)

if you weren't ready you wouldn't have the opportunity.

if you weren't capable of it you wouldn't have the desire.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

— Carl Gustav Jung

15.05.24

Yesterday was less than the best day of my life. I'm struggling with imposter syndrome- the truth is that I have and am doing my best, I am studying all day everyday and it just doesn't seem to be enough. I just can't get the content.

I have my last seminar of first year today, and a networking event for students planning to study abroad (like me). So far I've met two others (both psychology students) they are bith nice, one is making more of an effort to connect than the other. I plan on going on a night out with her after exams- something to look forward to. I always struggle with exam season, but I also always get the gardes I need. I need to trust that what I've done and what I'm doing will be enough. That's easier said than done.

I've been neglecting other responsibilites, so I'm going to make a mission to do one non-academic thing everyday (other than on the days I have actual exams). Today I did my laundry. It doesn't sound like alot but letting these things build up definitely contibutes to my stress levels- coming back to a well-kept dorm should help.

I was the only one to show up to my seminar- me and the semiar leas just had a chat about life and university. We talked about the evils of TikTok and ghosting people- we talked about what we wanted out of life. It was strange to connect with someone who was doing much better than me academically (phd student) but had all the same issues and fears; he got stressed, he procrastinates, he had imposter syndrome, but he did it. Maybe I can too. It was the best seminar I've been to and we didn't even go over the content.

When I left it was raining

The meeting for study abroad students was fun, we went over some of the cultural differences. I found out that the Malaysian legal drinking age is 21, meaning I'll have to stay sober- that's less than ideal. I made a groupchat with alot of them and we stood outside the room afterwards talking, that has to be a good sign. Hopefully they like me because I'm going abroad with them so if they don't it'll be a lonely year. I'm conforted by my general lack of friends now in that reguard. If I can be alone and not lonely in England, I can do it in Malaysia.

I called my family and talked to them for awhile- I half miss them and I'm half glad to be away from the chaos. It's difficult, but I plan on seeing them soon :) I ate loaded potato tots with chicken, chesse, gray, and sauce; it's my new obsession!

I spent the rest of the day studying Social Psychology because that's my first exam :)