“Don’t Lie, Because The Same People Who Believe Your Lies Are Also The Ones Who Believe In You.”

15.05.24

Yesterday was less than the best day of my life. I'm struggling with imposter syndrome- the truth is that I have and am doing my best, I am studying all day everyday and it just doesn't seem to be enough. I just can't get the content.

I have my last seminar of first year today, and a networking event for students planning to study abroad (like me). So far I've met two others (both psychology students) they are bith nice, one is making more of an effort to connect than the other. I plan on going on a night out with her after exams- something to look forward to. I always struggle with exam season, but I also always get the gardes I need. I need to trust that what I've done and what I'm doing will be enough. That's easier said than done.

I've been neglecting other responsibilites, so I'm going to make a mission to do one non-academic thing everyday (other than on the days I have actual exams). Today I did my laundry. It doesn't sound like alot but letting these things build up definitely contibutes to my stress levels- coming back to a well-kept dorm should help.

I was the only one to show up to my seminar- me and the semiar leas just had a chat about life and university. We talked about the evils of TikTok and ghosting people- we talked about what we wanted out of life. It was strange to connect with someone who was doing much better than me academically (phd student) but had all the same issues and fears; he got stressed, he procrastinates, he had imposter syndrome, but he did it. Maybe I can too. It was the best seminar I've been to and we didn't even go over the content.

When I left it was raining

The meeting for study abroad students was fun, we went over some of the cultural differences. I found out that the Malaysian legal drinking age is 21, meaning I'll have to stay sober- that's less than ideal. I made a groupchat with alot of them and we stood outside the room afterwards talking, that has to be a good sign. Hopefully they like me because I'm going abroad with them so if they don't it'll be a lonely year. I'm conforted by my general lack of friends now in that reguard. If I can be alone and not lonely in England, I can do it in Malaysia.

I called my family and talked to them for awhile- I half miss them and I'm half glad to be away from the chaos. It's difficult, but I plan on seeing them soon :) I ate loaded potato tots with chicken, chesse, gray, and sauce; it's my new obsession!

I spent the rest of the day studying Social Psychology because that's my first exam :)

12.08.24

I've had such a long few days (in a good way though). I need to stay busy or the stress of moving to the other side of the world catches up to me. Not much to say really.

-June xx

27.05.24

[Exams 3/4]

The last exam was terrible, the exam writer was lazy (repeating questions, using questions on the mock, asking lots of questions about a tiny part of the syllabus, etc,) it really knocked by confidence and uspet me. I think I should have done better, and don't see the exam as a true reflection of what I can achieve. In all honesty, after the exam I went back to my dorm and cried- out of both upset and frustration. I hope that despite the poor creation of the test, I have done enough to get the grades I need. I have one test left, and I'm definitely burnt out. Everything got on top of me all at once, I miss my family and my sister has recently had a baby, but I haven't met him due to being in exams. Not being around family during such a momentous occasion has made me feel bad about moving away, and about my plans to move even further for the next academic year.

Not being able to see my nephew is a huge sacrifice to me, so to go through that only to sit in an unfair exam was the straw that broke the camel's back. After my last exam, I will be going out clubbing (not something I'm particuarly excited for right now, but I know it will help my social life), then all I want to do is go home to meet the newest member of my family.

(no pictures)

01.08.24

April begins! Lots of chaos will be happening this month as I expect to be studying abroad for a year by early September- so it's the final (big) push to ensure all the paperwork is sorted. Today I found out that my visa had been rejected for medical reasons- and when I contacted my university for help, they were not helpful at all. I'll need to keep on top of them to ensure that my application doesn't slip through the cracks.

On a brighter note, it's my brother's birthday today; as well as my boyfriend's and granddad's later in the month. This is good for parties, but bad for my bank account (lots of presents to be bought). I also have a family holiday at the end of the month, which is with my extended family (on my mother's side), so that is another thing to look forward to.

I realised yesterday that my bellybutton piercing fell out, so I'll also need to get a new one today before the hole closes up (it hurt to get it done, and took forever to heal, so I'm trying my absolute best to avoid having to go through that again.

I got a new laptop- it's meant to be for my birthday, but I should be abroad by then, so I got it early. It should be good for my schoolwork and actually be able to run the necessary programmes, hopefully meaning I'll get more done as I won't be forged to only work in the library.

At least the weather is nice.

19.05.24

My first exam is tomorrow- might not post as regularly over the next few days, my blog will obviously be de-prioritised.

I did a mock exam and only anwered half of the questions (didn't attempt the essay questions) and still passed- it relaxed me alot- as long as something doesn't go horribly wrong tomorrow, I should pass. This is my strongest subject this semester so I hope to do well and let it pull up/keep up my GPA.

I have done so much of my lab report now it's the day before it's due why couldn't I have done this ages ago and not stressed myself out aargh!!

Went for a walk in the sun (pictures), went to the library, but didn't stay there long.

Then I went BACK to the library, finished my lab report and submitted it, I'm not 100% happy with it, but that's just the perfectionist in me- really I could have worked on it everyday for the rest of my life and still want to make improvements. Time was up- I had to submit it.

if you weren't ready you wouldn't have the opportunity.

if you weren't capable of it you wouldn't have the desire.

Love is taking care of myself because I know he wants me to

Idek tbh

20.09.24

Today was really good. My friend from the UK arrived in Malaysia yesterday, so we met to go to the gym together. We mainly just had a look at the equipment, and got an idea of how the gym booking system worked. We then ate together and tried Nasi lemak- I found it too spicy so I manly ate the rice that didn't have the sauce on.

Then, we had a lecture for International students, it was a lot of visa explanations, and we found out that if we overstay our visas, we could get whipped, which was sort of terrifying. Then, we got a bus to the local mall. I finally got a Malaysian SIM card, it took forever to do, but at least it's done now. I also got chicken and fried rice. It was really delicious. I'm really glad my friend made me try it.

Love always,

~June xx

16.05.24

Raining and warm is the worst possible combination. I feel so gross and sweaty. The plan today is to focus on my Lab Report- and get as much done as possible. I feel confident that I can get a big chunk done. It may be wishful thinking but my plan is to get a first draft of everything but the abstact done. The 'We are all Insane' podcast is great background noise for a psych student.

What I did today;

My data analysis

Revised social influence on obedience and conformity

Chunked my Methodology

Studied transmission within synapses

I definitely didn't get as much done as I wanted, but it's better than nothing.