Piedmont Will Have Absolutely No Clue How To Handle Post-Weirdmaggedon Dipper And Mabel.

I’m tired.

I'm tired in many ways I simply cannot explain. I am tired in a way that many hours of sleep would still leave me exhausted and even if I try to close my eyes my mind would still be awake and so the exhaustion continues on. I could lie on my bed all day without moving a muscle and it would still feel as if I am consumed by this fatigue that I can't seem to get rid of. I believe I have hit the pinnacle of my capability where I have simply given everything that I have and now I am just an empty vessel trying to find alms from the people I've given a piece of my soul to. But I guess life does not work like that. You shouldn't give and expect to get something in return. The world is unfair and that is the truth. So forgive me if this time, I’m choosing myself. This time, I’m choosing to do what I’ve been trying to do for other people this whole time.   I’m done patching up the wounds of someone else while mine continues to bleed. For that, I’m sorry but this time I’m choosing to save myself.

July 7

7:38pm

It was unplanned, like most of the occurrences that had happened to us. You asked if I wanted to take the bus ride home with you and with the most unkept appearance and an unbathed stench of my day, I hesitantly said yes.

Grey. I wonder how many times I’ll relate the word to you. For I’ve made you the personification of the color, this you knew and you wore it that night. I had to steel myself from smiling too hard, running towards you and encircling you in a tight embrace for I haven’t seen you in a long while.

After bidding goodbye to my relatives we went straight outside to get a ride at that p2p bus that you’ve told me about. I desperately tried to hide my exhilaration so as to not make things any more awkward than it is. After a few more passengers boarded in, the bus began to move and lights went off with the remaining light coming from the tv.

I watched as the rain pit patted on the window, no words were exchanged between the two of us and we were enveloped with silence and yet everything felt right. After a while I told you I was worried cause I knew that as soon as I get home, I’d get an earful of rants from my mom for going home late, and then you let your fingers intertwine with mine .

I stared at our hands, wondering whether I was still drunk or half asleep and that if all of this was just a dream—a dream that I wish I’d never wake up from. And it was as if that wasn’t proof enough of that moment; you kissed me and all my worries were washed away as all I could think of was: this was real. I am here. You are beside me and honestly, that was all that mattered.

Yellow Paint

I’ve treaded these waters before

And I’ve learned how to swim after drowning—countless of times.

I know not to ask for more than what I am given.

To be satisfied with scraps that you are willing to share.

I need not to hear your heart

I just want to feel your skin against mine.

Take everything you want, use me to your hearts content

And afterwards, I need you to leave me.

Each time we move forwards I need you to pull back away.

I will not dedicate these poems to you,

The same way I wrote my love for him.

And I refuse to think of you when I hear the word “beloved”

But oh, so help me god, I think I’m starting to.

The problem is, I'm always looking for you and yet you never once bothered to look for me.

I want out

The pinnacle of giving everything up,

was not something that I thought I would ever reach.

The pain and frustration had exceeded its threshold that the thought of my efforts be put into waste

I no longer deemed regretful.

It was a mistake to have you know that the limit of my patience was non existent

For it gave you the sense of security that I would always take you back.

And so, it became an endless cycle.

Our happiness fluctuated ever so often.

Eventually it started to wear me out.

The fire within me started to fade.

So you began to ruin yourself again.

You made the rain and thunder of your storms much stronger

The noise you had inside your head became louder and intolerable

You cut yourself bleeding just because you know were going to lose me.

And by doing so, you know I would come back.

For I have always been drawn to those broken souls.

And I have always saved you from all the chaos you started

But love, I hope you know that each time you lose me,

I’m not the same person who comes back.

And time will come when all the love in me

would become nothing but pity.

I love him. I shouldn’t, but I do. It’s not shaking hands or stuttering just with hello. It’s not short skirts or red lips. It’s jeans and a t-shirt with bare skin. Its finding him in a crowd and not wanting to change who I am. It’s wanting to know what he wanted to be as a kid and what his greatest fear is. It’s wanting to know his mistakes and looking past all the things “wrong” with him. It’s small smiles at my shoes and glances towards him. Its wanting him to be happy whether I am part of that happiness or not.

-c.t//excerpt from a book I won’t write (via iwontwrite)

guess i ship it again

dipper look don’t touch