July 7

How do you say you don’t want to live anymore without sounding suicidal?

Yellow Paint

I’ve treaded these waters before

And I’ve learned how to swim after drowning—countless of times.

I know not to ask for more than what I am given.

To be satisfied with scraps that you are willing to share.

I need not to hear your heart

I just want to feel your skin against mine.

Take everything you want, use me to your hearts content

And afterwards, I need you to leave me.

Each time we move forwards I need you to pull back away.

I will not dedicate these poems to you,

The same way I wrote my love for him.

And I refuse to think of you when I hear the word “beloved”

But oh, so help me god, I think I’m starting to.

that moment when @simply-kenna is me

Notes from the past

“It’s sad really, how I’ve been staring at this blank sheet of paper with a pen in hand but nothing to write about. I used to be able to write down anything, anything at all that comes into mind and it would turn out into this beautiful art in form of simple words. Yet now I can’t seem to find the will to do so. My mind’s too caught up in the thought of how everything just ended without a proper closure. No words, no explanation, you just decided that you didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore and it fucking wrecks me that my mind is too consumed of you that it wouldn’t let in any other thoughts other than the words you said and the promises you made.

It could’ve been my fault, for always making you feel jealous in order to satisfy my own insecurities and make sure that you were truly afraid of losing me. Yet even though I have proven that you were, leading to the point that sometimes you’d get mad at me, I still kept at it. And maybe you got fed up and thought that I was the one who’s not faithful in this so called “relationship” and gave up, just when I was about to accept the fact that you were really telling the truth, that you really do love me. But I do hope you understand, that after being hurt so many times in my life, I’ve had trouble putting my trust in people. Nevertheless I’ve realized my mistakes now, and it breaks me to think that after all this time I’ve put you through so much shit until you couldn’t take it anymore. And maybe I’m already too late, that these efforts won’t change your mind and come back to me again. But on the other hand, maybe it was you who was at fault, by lying to me, when you said ‘I love you’ and all those things you said that made it seem like you mine and only mine.

Maybe you weren’t really mine in the first place and this was all just a game for you to entertain yourself. To fill the void in your heart and make you feel less lonely. That I was a mere substitute because you couldn’t go after the girl that you really love. Maybe that’s why I could sometimes see and feel as if it wasn’t me you were looking at, it wasn’t me you were holding, that you had someone else in mind.

Maybe I meant nothing to you.

I fucking hate saying maybe, what if, thinking if I had done this or that would it change anything. If we had just been honest with each other. If we had properly used our words and listened to each other rather than just blindly assuming things based on our biased intuition, to be honest if we really love each other… or not, everything would’ve been much better.”

-Letters to no one.

I stg if my mom dies i might just lose my remaining will to live

Saudade (A RAURA FANFIC) Part 3/6

Ross hoped that if Laura finds love with someone else, this could be their chance to rekindle their friendship. And it did, now Laura was back to being her old cheery self even in his presence, and Ross was very much delighted with this. That's what he keeps on telling himself. But he can't deny the disappointment every time Laura would turn him down because she already made plans with Riker, or when she makes him feel as if he was put in second place. He can't even help but roll his eyes every time she suddenly mentions Riker's name during one of their conversations. It was obvious that Laura had fallen for the blond bassist. And Ross was sure Riker felt the same way too. He admits that he became sort of a cupid for the two, and sometimes he wonders if letting her fall for his brother was such a good idea. ###### Kissing your co-star for a show wasn't too bad. Kissing your best friend was slightly awkward. But kissing your best friend in front of her lover? Now that was something. The whole set seemed to be enwrapped by the scene being played out before them. Everyone was still (except for the camera men of course) as the main characters of the show sang along to the duet that they had previously recorded and was now being used for an episode in season three. 'Austin' and ally were reenacting how their relationship progressed for 'Dez's' documentary. As they finished the song, 'You can come to me' and spoke their lines. 'Ally' wrapped her arms around 'Austin' and 'Dez' blocked the audience's view just in time for the couple's lips to connect. Earlier, Ross and Laura decided that even though it was blocked, they would still do the kiss. Because "It was less awkward that way" as what Ross had said. The kiss wasn't anything like he expected. Probably because he expected to either feel weird or nothing at all. Just a plain, simple kiss. They were best friends for pete's sake. Plus, Riker's presence didn't really make things easier for him. But as they did it, Ross felt no remorse. Instead, he could only relate himself to the cliche descriptions in romance movies that he's watched. It wasn't exactly like fireworks, but he did feel his mind blacken for a split seconds and found himself deepening the kiss, slightly getting addicted to the taste of her sweet strawberry flavoured lips. It wasn't disgusting, if anything, the kiss felt right. And Laura was becoming responsive every second. Ross was torn between wanting for the director to yell cut and not wanting to pry himself away from her. As soon as Laura's mouth lightly parted, Ross took this as an opportunity to slid his tongue right in, earning a soft, almost, inaudible sound from her which almost sent himself over the edge. Laura's half lidded eyes caught glance of Riker's unreadable stare at them, which sent her sanity coming back to her in full force and she pushed Ross away, breaking the kiss. Heath yelled cut. Laura immediately apologized. They let it slide, it wasn't as if he was expecting that scene to be perfect in one take. Though he did remind her that she cannot make the same mistake twice and Laura nodded in agreement. Afterwards, they we're given a five minute break. Ross watched as Laura immediately ran towards Riker with a worried look on her face. He could tell that she was apologizing and probably blurting out a series of explanation. But after she was done, Riker just gave her a smile and wrapped his arms around her gesturing that he wasn't mad or anything of the sort. But Ross knew Riker, and he can tell that brother was fuming with jealousy, just like how any other normal person would feel if they see the person they like kissing someone else. Though he did also know for a fact that his brother wasn't one to let his feelings get the best of him, he would always think through the situation rationally. That's the kind of person he is. And Ross looks up to him because of this. Besides, it wasn't like Riker didn't know about the upcoming kiss. Oh right he didn't. He thought. Because Ross and Laura only made a decision on this at the very last minute. "What was that about?" A female voice suddenly asks. Ross turns to see Calum and Raini standing behind him. He shrugs, "things got too awkward I guess," "More like heated," Calum scoffed. "You two were getting so into it." He adds. "We just wanted to make it as believable as possible," Ross defended. "Oh really?" Raini cocks a brow, a smile forming on her lips. "Really," Ross states with a tone that ended the conversation. After their talk, Laura and Riker walked towards them, with his arm around her shoulder, looking straight at his brother with an incomprehensible expression. Laura only gave Ross an awkward smile when her eyes met his. Sensing the tension, Raini suddenly speaks. "You know what? I think we should probably get our make-up redone," she then pulls the petite brunette away before she could even react. "I should probably, er, you know, uh, I'll just... yeah" Calum stammered before walking away giving privacy to the siblings. Ross stood awkwardly, slipping his hands into his jeans and scratching the back of his neck, finding the right words to say. He didn't know whether he should feel guilty for kissing the girl that his brother likes, or not because everyone knows that the kiss was just for show. But a part of him felt as if he'd done wrong. Because somewhere deep inside him, something sparked because of that one kiss. Riker let out a heavy breath, pulling the younger lynch from his trance. Wow, that was... pretty intense, huh?" He chuckles. "Look, Riker. I'm sorry-" "Hey," Riker stops him with a calm voice. Like when Ross would tell him that he wanted to give up, feeling so down. And Riker would remind him why he shouldn't and say such encouraging words that would always cheer him up. "What're you apologizing for? I know it's just part of the scene. So no need to feel bad bro. It's okay. We good we cool." He smiles. That's right, this is Riker. He would totally understand. He's always been a good brother. He muses. And for a while Ross felt at ease as they shared a brotherly hug. "Actually, I'm really glad that you're his partner for this kind of scene and not some complete stranger who might try and steal her away from me afterwards," The blond bassist lets out a short laugh. "I mean, You wouldn't do that, right?" And just like that, guilt and anxiety came rushing back to him and began eating him on the inside. "Of course," was all Ross could say. A crew calls out for Ross after a few seconds. Riker patted him on the shoulder. "Well, I guess you guys are on again," Ross nods with a smile and turns to make his leave. But stops as he heard his brother's next words. "I trust you, Ross" He couldn't exactly make out his brother's tone. So he turns only to see Riker smiling at him. As soon as Ross and Laura were back on the make shift stage, and they linked arms to re-do the kissing scene, he closed his eyes and rid his thoughts as their lips connected once more. It wasn't like he was betraying his brother. It's not like anyone would know how he purposely fails to do the kiss properly in order to taste her lips again. Beside's a few retakes wouldn't hurt, right? ####### Laura Marano is beautiful. Ross already knew that, it was one of the many characteristics that he liked about her. He'd known that since the first time he met her, when he was minding his own business and she suddenly approached him, with her perky voice. Her being physically attractive might've not been the first thing that came into his mind, but it was a close second. Yet that never seemed to affect him. At least not this much. Now every time she walks into the room and flashes her bright smile, he would find himself grinning and a warmth would emit from his chest sending his body into an inexplicable heat. And her laughter became music to his ears, just a different kind that what he usually listen to. Yet equally addicting. Sometimes he would find an excuse to let their hands touch, or 'accidentally' bump into her, just so he could feel the smoothness of skin. And during their sweet 'moments' as a couple in Austin & Ally, he would often wish that those moments would last forever. Everything was becoming too cliché, as if his life had become his very own romance movie, like the ones he loved to watch. Although this time, he wasn't sure how it would end. All he knows is at the moment, little by little, he was falling for her too.

Sad.

When you’re reading a fanfic so good at 3 AM and you want to scream, but you don’t want to wake everyone up, so you silently scream at your phone/laptop screen while making weird hand gestures that might be a ritual dance to summon Satan.

Wow. Just... wow.

Falling forwards

Fandom: Gravity Falls

Pairing: Dipper x Mabel

Rating: T

Summary: Mabel is dead. Mabel is here. Dipper is losing his mind.

Authors Note: So I’ve been seeing these pictures around, of Mabel being a ghost or being possessed by Pyramid Head, and I thought they were really really cool so I wanted to write an AU where Mabel was kidnapped and killed by Pyramid Head.

Warning: Mild descriptions of gore.

Keep reading

The problem is, I'm always looking for you and yet you never once bothered to look for me.