Did I Mention I Love Kyman Crossovers? I Have Come Up With A Kyman Au That Is A Crossover With Infinity

i have no idea if anyone remembers that kyman university au of mine but im still hyperfixating on it so just a smaaaall piece of a funny dialogue aka “everyone thinks kyle and cartman were dating”

***

"Dude, I'll beat you in every debate," Cartman chuckled smugly.

Kyle shook his head proudly, giving him a haughty look.

“You? Beating me? You must have forgotten that I was the head of the debate club at school”.

Cartman's eyes flashed with a predatory gleam, and he readily extended his hand to Broflovski, as if he had been waiting for that. The air between them seemed to sparkle with tension, and Kyle grabbed his palm defiantly.

"A bet, then?" Kyle nodded, and the audience – their classmates standing behind him — enthusiastically supported them.

“In case of loss, you suck my balls, Kaaahl”, Cartman smiled nastily, watching as Kyle nodded eagerly by inertia, and then, having realised the last remark, went furious, indignantly opening his mouth.

“What the fuck?! Do you think I'll fall for it again?”

The crowd behind him gasped in shock, and Kyle instantly blushed, turning to them in a mute attempt to defend himself. Rebecca squeaked "again?" in surprise, and Cartman, as if he knew that this would happen, sighed sympathetically:

“Oh, I’m sorry, Kyle... Sorry, guys, he doesn't really like to remember this episode of our life, you know?”

***

i LOVE that it’s pretty canon that because of kyle people usually think there’s something between him and cartman (“this two brave lovers…”, “oh, so you two are like this, huh?🤨” in the “Tonsil Trouble”) AND CARTMAN NEVER DENIES IT

in s17e1 “let go, let gov” it was confirmed that cartman usually talks on his speakerphone and now i truly believe that’s how he and kyle revealed their relationship to other guys. because one day cartman (as usual) put the conversation on speakerphone when kyle called him without giving it a second thought and kyle casually said “Hello, honey” while stan and kenny were standing next to cartman. and then there was this moment of silence.

after watching new special for the second time and seeing kyle getting unreasonably mad at cartman all the time through the episode, i finally came to a conclusion that, if you think that kyle at that moment just started to understand his own feelings for cartman, it all starts to make sense.

the way he gets all angry at him for literally no reason (more than ever), how he doesn’t really mind hugging him, how it’s mostly him who’s against the “new cartman” cuz it’s not his normal cartman, and so on, so on.

maaaybe im being a bit delusional and digging into this way too much, but guys. from now on i can’t see the latest episodes as anything but “kyle finally having a moment of realisation”. it’s a new kyman arc <3

kyman would have made a prenup before anyone would even thought about the wedding

i was thinking a lot about stan and kyle’s attitude to romantic relationships and romance in general. and what about stan’s mental problems, i’ve decided that i strongly headcanon him as a hyperromantic person.

like, when he grows up he starts having constant romantic thoughts, he “crushes” on every person he had barely talked to and has an endless anxiety on the basis of intrusive hyperromantic made up scenarios in his head.

i just find it somehow suitable for him cause he has shown to be very sensitive + he’s the only boy having such a long term relationship and he genuinely CARES about romance.

and i honestly think he gets REALLY confused when it comes to any romantic feelings (that, and also he’s still in denial of his bisexuality + i hc him having a big one-sided crush on kyle that he hasn’t realised yet)

BY THE WAY kyle, on the contrary, is very much indifferent about romance except for when its eric.

like i strongly believe that any “normal” kind of relationship makes him bored so he can only experience romantic feelings when there had been a looong rivalry-like connection and constant fights first. he also is very slow to develop these crushes.

and he, just as stan, doesn’t really understand his feelings (remember how he was told that he is in love with heidi and he’s like “no im not!!! …….am i????”) boyyyyyy😭

have you ever got that irresistible need to see a certain animatic you’ve created in your head

i’ve just watched “nerdy prudes must die” by starkid and GODDAMN “if i loved you” has such a strong kyman vibe it’s killing me i can’t draw it 😭

i like the idea of interactions between craig gang and main 4 so much. and i honestly believe that in high school the “mediators” between these two groups are tweek and kenny, since kenny is close to literally everyone in the class, so he hangs out with craig really often, and tweek kinda kept the childhood friendship with kyle and sometimes hangs out with stan and cartman.

and they couldn’t not notice how craig and those guys really despise and try to interact as little is possible with main4, meanwhile stan and his friends avoid hanging out with craig’s gang as well.

and none of them seems to really remember why they hate each other and why didn’t the silly little rivalry in the elementary school end when they grew up – so tweek and kenny decided to dig a little bit deeper and find the origins of this conflict, and after a week or two with the help of indirect questions and some bottles of wine for stan they finally discovered that craig and stan were dating back in middle school, but now they’re exes.

and it all finally started to make sense now :D

Happy Birthday, Eric Cartman

A small Kenman piece I wrote for his birthday 🤲

Note: I made them middle school here but ages don't affect the story at all soooo enjoy

***

  Eric sighed quietly as he rolled over, now facing the wall. After gazing at the ceiling for the past thirty minutes, he already realized that he's not going to get much sleep tonight. How much easier it would be if he could just lay and instantly fall asleep as it always happens. But it was an unlucky night for him right before his birthday.

  He was...Moderately excited. I mean, which middle school kid wouldn't be excited for his birthday, right? Maybe some depressed dude or a lame hippie wouldn't, but Eric hated those guys anyways. He's not a little child anymore tho, so he won't jump of his bed right at 7 AM in the morning, but he was pretty excited for the gifts his mother was preparing for him and also the usual party he was hosting.

  2:30 AM already, and Eric's still wide awake. He's never getting it right before his birthday. Now he just lies and mumbles something to himself. The weather is shitty, so he can clearly hear the wind noise even through the closed window. Well, at least it's better than lying in a complete silence...Cartman thinks so until something hits his window.

Something hits his window. Suddenly all the wind noises before don't sound like wind noises anymore, because someone is clearly moving outside. God. Eric won't admit it, but he's scared. Of course he's scared, this whole situation looks like a cliche horror movie plot. The 2 AM, the window, the noises...And the next step should be dead Eric Cartman. Then a tragic morning discovery, then his crying mother at the funeral, and then...Wait, no, this isn't going to be like that. He was actually about to call his mother, but then the killer would kill him instantly or what's much worse would think he's a pussy. He can't let that happen! If someone dares to try to kill Eric Cartman at night, they should face the consequences without any mercy.

  Holding a pair of scissors in his hands, Eric was hesitant to open the curtains. That was until he heard the familiar voice through the window.

"Psst, Cartman, open your window!" the voice says.

"Kenny? My fucking God," now Eric more confidently opens the curtains and looks down - it is Kenny! Kenny Mccormick, looking at him with "open the window" puppy eyes. Somehow Eric does just that, and in a few seconds his friend is already in his room. "What are you doing here? I'm trying to get some fucking sleep."

"But you aren't sleeping. Phew, I thought I'd have to wake the princess up," Kenny says, giggling.

"Two shits you're gonna wake me up."

But in the end, they both don't look very tired, so Eric decides that he can go with that.

"Running away from home again, Mccormick?" he says mockingly.

"Nuh-uh, just going for a walk," Kenny shrugs and looks away.

"Right. A walk. At 2 AM. Through the entire town. You're such a comedian," Eric says, nearly laughing.

"Shut up. It is a walk. I'm not leaving Karen there, I'm gonna return home by morning and go to school. Just need some...time." Kenny replies, his voice a bit sadder.

"And you decided to walk directly to my house. I swear, if I was actually sleeping and you'd woke me up, I-"

"Chill out dude, I wasn't going to wake you up, I was just stopping there and thought maybe you wasn't sleeping, and I was right!" Kenny smiles victoriously.

"Uh-huh, and that's why you decided to throw something," Kenny replies with "a stick" and giggles. "a fucking stick at my window!"

"That's just a small detail," he chuckles.

"And what do you want anyways?" Cartman asks. "It's not like we can do any of the cool stuff right now when my mom is asleep. It doesn't mean that I don't want to wake up my mom, it's just-" and he begins his five minute rant about his mom and about how tired and annoyed he is.

Kenny listens through entire thing without saying a word of interruption and with a curious expression on his face. After Eric finishes, he speaks. "Actually, I came to wish you a happy birthday."

A few second silence. This, at almost 3 AM, seriously?

"Huh. You know I haven't invited anyone to my birthday yet, right?" Eric says, confused.

"Yep."

"And you know I might not invite you, right?"

"You'd be a bitch then, but yeah".

Cartman just pokes him instead of a usual "Hey!", and Kenny starts giggling again.

"So...You remembered?" Eric asks curiously.

"About your birthday? Yes," Kenny replies, visibly confused. "Jesus man, why are you so weird about it?" he laughs.

Well, not a lot of people seem to remember without me reminding them!

"You are weird, Kenny. You showed up to my house at 2 AM to wish me happy birthday."

"I just had to do it first!" Kenny says and starts laughing again.

  The situation quickly became much more lovely than it was at the beginning. It surely feels nice and weird at the same time: nice to have someone who cares so genuinely, weird to not have a need to force them to care. With all of that, Eric seems to feel...Happy?

"You know Kenny, you aren't so bad of a guy after all."

man i LOVE kenman brotp (that goes along with kyman otp) so here’s an au

ok cw death

i was randomly thinking about an au where cartman got immortality too.

(idk how exactly tho, i think it had something to do with satan or jesus who wanted to teach cartman empathy and sympathy so he can understand how does it feel to live a life of less fortunate who suffer every day or smth like that)

so he got immortal and that’d be the funniest thing on earth because he definitely thought about it as a blessing, not a curse. because now he can do stupid things and not worry about it because he’ll just get back to life. and it’d save him a lot of time, he’d be like uhhhh going from school is sooooo long i guess i’ll just kill myself to respawn at home.

and that kinda helps kenny because for the first time he starts seeing his immortality as something remooootely positive?

and kenman are a partners in crimes brotp in this au because you can’t tell me cartman wouldn’t use their powers to rob banks and punish those he dislikes. and kenny just has to keep looking after cartman so he doesn’t kill himself too often.

(btw cartman TOTALLY would get killed in front of the guys on purpose once and recorded it on a video because he wanted to know their reaction and then he saw kyle literally almost CRYING and it made him feel kind of guilty… but he expected everyone to forget his death, like they forgot kenny’s, and so did happen, with one minor exception – kyle remembered… heheheh i’ll definitely write something about kyman in this au later)

anyway cartman convinces kenny that they can make BIIIG money if they use their superpower to rob a bank. kenny didn’t want to tempt the fate at first, but then cartman told him how he could save his family with the money and kenny finally agreed.

they’d be like:

kenny: (Now we divide the money we stole in half, equally, right?)

cartman: Actually, I think I deserve 60%, Kenny.

kenny: (What?! How come?)

cartman: I died twice during the mission!

kenny: (THAT’S BECAUSE YOU SHOT YOURSELF FOR FUN AND I HAD TO WASTE TWO HOURS TO WAIT FOR YOUR RETURN.)

cartman: I suffered more!

kenny: (Give me the money, asshole! We had a deal!)

cartman: Ugh, fine, fine. Take it, Poor Kid. Buy your sister a fucking doll, for all I care☹️

kenny would waste more time on calming cartman down than on actually doing crimes on the missions come on, ‘cause mf risks his life constantly due to his immortality.

he would come to a bank employee and start insulting and teasing him, and kenny would have to pull cartman away until this stupid ass got shot again.

cartman to the security guard: Ha! Try and stab me! Stab me, you pussy!!!

kenny, standing behind him with a threatening look: Do not.

AND ALSO KYMAN IN THIS AU because kyle does not remember kenny’s deaths but he DOES remember cartman’s so drama drama drama

and if cartman was immortal and kyle found out about it he’d get like super overprotective, because he doesn’t want to lose cartman forever just because this stupid asshole doesn’t take anything seriously and thinks that dying is fun.

so yep it’s basically brotp!kenman and kyman crime au and it’s been rotting my brain for like hours and now i want to write a fucking slowburn fanfic for 100k words.

i have this little funny headcanon on kenman brotp where kenny and cartman are both excellent liars, and can talk utter nonsense with the most convincing faces. cartman is just good at it ‘cause he lies a lot so he’s kinda had a lot of practice, and kenny usually covers his face with a hood so nobody can really look into his eyes. and not only they lie perfectly by themselves just for fun, they also have this incredible mental connection when cartman starts telling bs and kenny continues it without a moment of hesitation. and NOBODY can really tell when they’re really telling the truth.

k: (Hey, guys!)

c: Oh, here he is! Hey, Kenny, tell these assholes about that one time we went to jail together and made a bomb to escape! They don’t believe it really happened.

k, not hesitating one second : (Oh, that one time! Yeah, man, it was pretty crazy, our cellmate almost died that day. How was his name? Brian or something like that, right? And then remember when prison guards literally almost caught us so you–)

c, proudly smirking and whispering to kyle: That’s why he’s always the one to cover me up when my mom wants to find out where I am.