Happy Birthday, Eric Cartman

@bloogers-boogers I CRIED I LOVE IT EVERY TIME WHEN U REBLOG ME I JUST 😭😭😭😭🤲🤲🤲🤲🤲 THANKS A LOT MKZNXKXNXKXHSJXN

just finished tfbw i am so not fucking normal about kyman there

kyle is the type to actually brush his teeth, chew a gum and use breath mints before every date with cartman

and cartman laughs at him for that like “omg u put so much effort into looking good for me dude that’s totally gay” and kyle just looks at him disgustedly and says smth like “u might put some as well because u fucking stink” and cartman goes offended “wtf thats how an actual man should smell. not like you can get it tho”

i’ve been rewatching deleted scenes from south park and why the hell do i see so few people talking about this moment

like what the fuck why did matt and trey do this?? was this really an original idea???

(took the moment from this youtube video)

guys he doesn’t even see anything creepy in this like come on he’s so fucked up. oh god. what do you think he does with these records? does he listen to them on his own?

do you think he sometimes just re-listens to kyle saying nice things to him? or, on the contrary, just listens to their usual fights and laughs? that he just lays in bed not being able to fall asleep so he opens the recording app and he genuinely smiles and feels less stressed because things seem so normal and comforting when he hears kyle, because their fights are like one of the few constant things in his life? i know it’s a deleted scene but matt and trey did write it in the script and animated it so am i wrong for considering this as canon?

more lesbian heidi x gay kyle brosistp because i love them with all my heart!!!!

the first part of how their friendship started is here :3

they both can’t really accept their sexualities and strongly believe they’re straight even when it’s so clear they’re not.

like literally there are times when heidi shows kyle a photo of a pretty girl on her instagram and sighs asking kyle: “Isn’t she the most beautiful person in the world? She’s so captivating!”

and kyle just stares at her indifferently and responds in a monotonous voice barely even looking at the picture: “Yeah, she has nice features, I guess?”

and then there’s this time when heidi mentions cartman’s appearance with a bit of disgust but in a way “all boys are ugly, but cartman is, uh…” and kyle starts defending him unexpextedly even for himself like:

kyle: I mean, yeah, he’s fat and has a shitty personality, but, um, I don’t know, he’s not that bad looking.

heidi: What do you mean “not that bad”?

kyle: Well, you know, he has these different eyes which is pretty cool and also, uh, his appearance is really… noticeable and… somehow different, I guess? And now that he started to take care of his looks, so… I think we shouldn’t judge others by how they look, but if we do I can’t deny that he can be, like, remotely attractive… He’s still an asshole though, but-

heidi, with a suspicious look on her face: Kyle?

kyle: Can we change the subject please I’m begging you.

heidi: Sure.

heyyyy !!! i saw a person asking me about my other sp otps (yep thats surprising but kyman is not my only pairing hehe) sooo ive done this

btw i absolutely can’t draw so i’m sorry for how ugly it may look

i also love stenny, clybe, bebe/red, steek, kytters, clenny and staig a lot!!!

also this kinda looks like a template so i’ll leave it here under the cut

and aww @bloogers-boogers thanks a lot for asking!!!!! also wanted to say that your choice of otps is sooooo great like rlly i dont see enough ppl liking ships like jimthan or kenman!! and our taste is a bit similar because YEPPP KYMAN CANDY AND JIMTHAN SHARING (almost) THE SAME DYNAMIC IS SO TRUE!!!

au about kyman entering the same university somewhere far away from south park, where not a single person knows what kind of reputation cartman had back in his native town.

so cartman decides it’s a chance for him to replay the game and change the way he is treated.

he acts nice, he makes wise decisions, he makes friends with those who can help him in future, he doesn’t break a single law and studies hard, he becomes a perfect version of eric cartman. and everyone falls for it, because he seems absolutely cool, funny and charismatic to them.

the only person who’s not buying it is kyle, who decides it’s his moral obligation to “expose” the true nature of eric cartman, so he tries to sabotage him in any way but fails every time eventually humiliating himself. by the end of the first term even the professors know that kyle broflovski is obsessed with fighting with cartman and most people assume that he’s either a simple fatphobic bully or is in love with cartman.

by that time kyle is considered to be a loser and is pretty much avoided by most of his peers meanwhile cartman is surrounded by people who love and admire him. so it happens that cartman is the only friend kyle’s got now hehe.

the whole first half of an au is basically kyle who’s trying to set cartman up so he can reveal his “evil side” but he ends up as an unbelievable piece of shit himself.

and kyle is pissed because how can’t anyone see the truth??

he complains about it to cartman because he doesnt have anyone else.

cartman, meeting kyle in the morning: Hey, so how will you try to set me up this time?

kyle: I am not “setting anyone up”. I simply want people to know the truth about who you really are.

cartman: Seem kinda obsessed with me, huh, Kahl?

kyle: Do not provoke me, Cartman.

cartman: I am not. Just… what’s the truth, tell me? Who am I, then? I seem to have forgotten it since everyone here thinks I’m great.

kyle, raising his voice: You’re an unbelievably psychotic fat ugly piece of shit and you do not deserve what you get, that’s who you are, you hear me, asshole?!

everyone in the class: …Woah, Broflovski. Nice job, jerk, now you made him upset. What’s even wrong with you?

cartman, raising voice so everyone hears him: Wow, Kyle, I guess you really haven’t changed since high school. And I was stupid enough to hope we could be friends here…

kyle, confused: Wait, that is not what… That’s… Fuck!! You planned it since the beginning, didn’t you?

imagine kyle who was DREAMING about his university life? he thought he’d be noticed because of how smart he is, he thought girls would love him because he’s intelligent and nice, he thought everything would be different. but instead his life was once again about cartman – and he couldn’t forgive him for ruining his life of dream.

kyle: Why on Earth would you do this? It was supposed to be the best year of my life, but you just had to show up and ruin everything!

cartman: I ruined everything?

kyle: Yes, you did! Why else would you go to the same university?!

cartman: I’m sorry, Kyle, I don’t quite get it. You think I went to this university just because of you? How highly do you think of yourself?

kyle: Why not? You’ve been obsessed with me the whole time!

cartman: I’m obsessed? Isn’t it you who devotes all his time in his first year of university trying to set me up? Tell me about being obsessed, Kyle!

kyle: What’s that supposed to mean?

cartman: I came here, to the university as far from South Park as possible, to start a new fucking page of my life without prejudice. Have you seen a single person here who would refer to me as “fatass” except for you?

kyle: Oh, don’t even start it with “fatphobic” shit, you can’t possibly be offended by this, that was just friendly bantering!

cartman: Was it? Was it, Kyle?

kyle: Well–

cartman: And even now that I’m here you still can’t let it go. You still can’t accept the tiny possibility that I might’ve changed. So you just have to go there and shout “hey, everyone, he’s a piece of shit, you should hate him with me”. Does that help your self-esteem?

kyle: I… ugh, I didn’t think it was like that…

cartman: I know you didn’t.

so about a kyman university au here

imagine when kyle and cartman’s new classmates once are so sick of hearing kyle hating cartman so much, so they sceptically ask what is it what kyle has against eric. and kyle is so confused as he can’t choose proper words to find an actual reason why he hates cartman, so he just grabs the first guess he has in mind and victoriously declares “For example, he gave me fucking AIDs once, does that count?”

and he’s so proud of finally revealing them how terrible cartman is, that he doesn’t notice how his classmates exchange understanding looks and nod. then he hears “Oh, so they were exes… That explains everything!” and gets fucking furious while cartman is losing it sm he doesn’t even try to deny their assumption.

i like the idea of interactions between craig gang and main 4 so much. and i honestly believe that in high school the “mediators” between these two groups are tweek and kenny, since kenny is close to literally everyone in the class, so he hangs out with craig really often, and tweek kinda kept the childhood friendship with kyle and sometimes hangs out with stan and cartman.

and they couldn’t not notice how craig and those guys really despise and try to interact as little is possible with main4, meanwhile stan and his friends avoid hanging out with craig’s gang as well.

and none of them seems to really remember why they hate each other and why didn’t the silly little rivalry in the elementary school end when they grew up – so tweek and kenny decided to dig a little bit deeper and find the origins of this conflict, and after a week or two with the help of indirect questions and some bottles of wine for stan they finally discovered that craig and stan were dating back in middle school, but now they’re exes.

and it all finally started to make sense now :D

AWWWW @bloogers-boogers THANKSSSS A LOT missed u sooo much🫶🫶!!! (i’m not sure about the “returns” part tho cuz im slowly running out of ideas but i still have like four kyman hcs and aus soo >:]])