Dear Nerds, Geeks, And Fandoms,

I use the Finch app because it's cute and helps me get things done, but my Finch just discovered Mondays and geez... imagine not knowing what a Monday was.

Today is difficult. I am not ready for it.

Seasonal depression is trying to creep in. I am doing my best to push forward and keep going. I have to remind myself it's okay to take things at my own pace, even if it slows down for a few days. As long as I am not stopping.

I would love to try art again, but I can't stop comparing myself to other artists. I know they have been doing it for years and if I did, I could get close to that level, but my brain says "if not good immediately, no." Ugh.

I am waning.

I feel as though I am in that final phase of the moon where it begins to vanish from the sun's light and hides for a few days - as if it's recharging.

Except I'm not recharging.

I'm simply spent. I have no motivation, no sense of hope, no desire to do anything... I just want to lay in bed and not exist. I have not contributed anything to the world these last three weeks and I'm on the edge of simply wallowing. I suppose I already am.

I have met obstacles and simply given up, neither going around them or over them. I simply sit down and accept that I cannot go any further, that I can't do anything better, that I'm not making any progress.

It's in every faucet of life. I've let it leak into my main responsibilities, but it started in my hobbies, my creativity, my self-care and health. I've gone back so many steps on simple things I've been trying so hard to do better with.

Drinking water? I gave up and now I'm dehydrated.

Walking outside? I'll just sit at my computer and scroll endlessly, hoping something catches my attention.

Hobbies? No thanks, I'll just sigh and flick YouTube shorts away over and over again.

I'm unhappy with myself. I don't feel good. I don't look good. My mental health is low. I am at a loss of how to pick myself up. I'm hoping my therapy on Thursday helps.

Thanks for reading.

Perhaps I am starting too many things at once.

I wish to find my place in my spirituality, but at the same time I wonder if my heritage would offer me anything. I am half Mexican/half Caucasian, but I was raised Caucasian and had little to no contact with my Hispanic family after the age of 3. Because of this... I know nothing about my Mexican bloodline.

I do not know anything about the culture, the beliefs, the celebrations, very little about the food, and I can barely speak Spanish. I want to get in touch with these roots, also. Part of me feels that I am too late, however, and pushes back against it.

How do I even start? Where do I begin? Do I postpone my spiritual journey and focus on my heritage instead? I am overwhelming myself, as I often do, and these past two weeks have been rather awful... it's all compounding and I don't know what to do to get back on my feet.

🥳It's my birthday!

I made the decision to finally delete Facebook. Now I just feel guilty for deleting it. Is this part of addiction?

i will love you in every life. (threatening)

The PAIN that ESO addons are... UGH.