Ugh... I Have To Be Honest I Ended Up Binging On Fast Food 🙃. I Ate A Whole Pizza And Some Cinnamon

Recently I have fasted for a full 24 hrs - after that I gave in and rapidly ate some pizza (again) so I had a horrible stumach ache, gas and bloating. I feel terrible as I lack will power and self control. So today will be different. I'm gonna be good and fast untill supper time (let's see how long my will power will last)

Oh and the scale is down 4 more lbs so I'm doing good losing weight but I fear it's not fast enough. Oh well I'll just have to be patient and take the best of what I can get.

Fuck today is gonna be rough. I'm already feeling shaky and nausea due to the fatty sugary foods I ate. I'm also starting to realize that I don't deserve kindness as fat whore. I should be grateful for whatever kindness someone does to me and having sex is a luxury for me. It's a miracle anybody really wants me.... but I know I can redeem myself through fasting and food restriction.

Morning tea with a little cream

Im going to eat omad and give myself a healthy 800 to 1,000 calorie meal full of whole grain like rice or oats, veggies, fruit and protein 😋. I will eat my omad at work at 12am- and i will fast for the rest of the day. Which would be a lot more realistic than eating 500 cal a day.

I also need to fast at least twice a week where i go a whole day with out food. On days i fast i will drink lots of 0 cal tea and lots of water and vitamins. I wont do a fast 2 days in a row ill separate them by one day - so fast friday then break with omad sat then fast sunday

Reasons why im losing weight-

- So i can have better boyfriend(s)

- So i will be a gothic beauty

- so my knees wont ache (thats lame)

- it will be cheaper to purchase food

- i will be a "good girl" if i so lose weight

- i will be able to run

- i will be able to stand for a long time at concerts

- i will be considered cute for not eating so much

- i will be able to fit cute trendy gothic clothes and sweaters

- i can finally be able to go on long walks

- guys will finally stop feeding me fattening food to make me happy they will instead give me love and affection which is something i really need from them not fast food

-

I feel

I feel so gross and stuffed for eating that begal

At work tonight..and I'm trying to convince myself not to purge it up right now. I haven't purged since the age 18... I'm 23 now. But I feel so sick inside pit I don't want to throw up my vitamins I just took. I guess I'll just have start over the next day back at 800. Ugh I hate myself right now

24 Oz cup of decaf lipton tea - 2 tea bags, 8 splendas and zero sugar coffee creamer

So I broke my 24 hr fast today but.... I definitely stayed under 1000 calories and that makes me happy 😊

Grocery shopping today-

Zero sugar torani flavor syrup carmel and vanilla

Zero sugar coffee creamer pumpkin spice

More tea flavors

Canned pumpkin

Cinnamon

I'm already at 830 calories yikes! All because I ate some of my coworkers food. So the plan for today is to FAST untill 12am the following morning.

Rules for fast-

Take vitamins and supplements

Sip plenty of water

Sip plenty of low cal tea 🍵 sweetened with splenda

Diet soda is allowed zero calorie

Take a warm shower to get my mind off food

Take a long nap

Binge watch YouTube

If I can manage this fast I will stay at 830 calories. Still alot but at least I didn't consume more calories. At this point I'll take what I can get

Fear foods

Bread - enough said.

Peanut butter thick and Creamy about 200 calories per tablespoon

yogurt makes my stumach hurt also high in calories

any kind of chips- high in salt and super addicting 😅

ice cream way to thick and heavy on my stomach

full fat soda - way to much sugar and empty calories

steak full on choking hazard - way to much fat and high in calories also bad for your heart-

Egg yolks- high in calories and cholesterol