I Feel Like A Fat Pig. My Ex Just Confirmed That He Eats 350-500 To 1000 Calories Perday And He's So

Went for a morning walk and while drinking some pumpkin spice low cal coffee and then I had some pumpkin chai tea with a freind. I guess today I was craving something sweet (which I always crave) . The world was so still and quiet waking up this chill morning and it's nice and grey outside too. I wish it were more gloomy but it's not.

Skipped lunch today. Took a melatonin pill 5mg when I got back from grocery shopping after work 😴. I slept from 10am all the way till 6pm.

0 calories for me. Still at 474.

I had a dream I was eating cheesy pizza then I woke up scared that I had gone way over my calorie intake. The pizza was so darn vivid and juicy. Fuck

I think I'll have some tea instead before I head to work. Now that I awoke I'm not that hungry just thristy.

Today I am going to fast once again for 24 hrs. All I will allow myself to have is water, some vitamins and a nice hot shower. And I get to binge watch YouTube!

My fast will start at 7am and ends at 7am tomorrow morning. When I go home tomorrow morning I'll have soup and some veggies.

The clock starts now!!!!

Tomorrow I will start taking pictures of my foods that I eat and post them to my account. Even if I drink a cup of water.

Help me stay motivated!!

I feel

I feel so gross and stuffed for eating that begal

At work tonight..and I'm trying to convince myself not to purge it up right now. I haven't purged since the age 18... I'm 23 now. But I feel so sick inside pit I don't want to throw up my vitamins I just took. I guess I'll just have start over the next day back at 800. Ugh I hate myself right now

Tonight I broke my diet and I ended up purging. I feel numb and empty. I haven't purged since I was 19 years old. I'm 23 now. I purged up so much my head aches and I the trash bag I used weighed so much. All I kept thinking was that I WILL get these 40lbs off of me. I will, I will and I will.

I played some of my favorite music to ease my anxiety while purging. I feel awkward 😕 I can't believe I'm purging again....

Pumpkin spice iced coffee 120 calories

Zero sugar torani syrup -

Ice- 0 calorie

Pumkin spoce coffee- 0

Splenda Zero calorie- Just added a lot in

Zero sugar coffee creamer 15 cal per tbsp

15×8=120

Im going to eat omad and give myself a healthy 800 to 1,000 calorie meal full of whole grain like rice or oats, veggies, fruit and protein 😋. I will eat my omad at work at 12am- and i will fast for the rest of the day. Which would be a lot more realistic than eating 500 cal a day.

I also need to fast at least twice a week where i go a whole day with out food. On days i fast i will drink lots of 0 cal tea and lots of water and vitamins. I wont do a fast 2 days in a row ill separate them by one day - so fast friday then break with omad sat then fast sunday

Reasons why im losing weight-

- So i can have better boyfriend(s)

- So i will be a gothic beauty

- so my knees wont ache (thats lame)

- it will be cheaper to purchase food

- i will be a "good girl" if i so lose weight

- i will be able to run

- i will be able to stand for a long time at concerts

- i will be considered cute for not eating so much

- i will be able to fit cute trendy gothic clothes and sweaters

- i can finally be able to go on long walks

- guys will finally stop feeding me fattening food to make me happy they will instead give me love and affection which is something i really need from them not fast food

-

When will I start to feel light and weightless? I'm desperate for that attention skinny brings and I will not stop till I get there. If I have to pay my mental health for it then that is the price I am willing to pay. I want boys to look at me, I want girls to envy me. And I want my family to take back every little negative thing they have ever said about me back. I will no longer be the fat freind, the fat sister or the fat coworker. Ha! They will all watch me get thin.

And I WILL get there. They will all see. Every guy that has ever ignored me will finally be forced to pay attention. That will make things right.

For now on- Listen up fattie

860 calories will be the MAX that I can have. ABSOLUTELY NO CHEAT DAYS. Fatties don't deserve cheat days.

I will have to drink 8 cups of water each day to prevent me from eating.

I WILL chew my food 25 times before swallowing.

I will take my protein powder and supplements daily

I WILL get plenty of sleep at least 8 to 10 hrs per day. Beauty queens need their rest.