This Is My First Time Trying Coffee-Mate Zero Sugar Coffee Creamer And It's A Pumpkin Spice Version And

Recently I have fasted for a full 24 hrs - after that I gave in and rapidly ate some pizza (again) so I had a horrible stumach ache, gas and bloating. I feel terrible as I lack will power and self control. So today will be different. I'm gonna be good and fast untill supper time (let's see how long my will power will last)

Oh and the scale is down 4 more lbs so I'm doing good losing weight but I fear it's not fast enough. Oh well I'll just have to be patient and take the best of what I can get.

Fuck today is gonna be rough. I'm already feeling shaky and nausea due to the fatty sugary foods I ate. I'm also starting to realize that I don't deserve kindness as fat whore. I should be grateful for whatever kindness someone does to me and having sex is a luxury for me. It's a miracle anybody really wants me.... but I know I can redeem myself through fasting and food restriction.

Went for a morning walk and while drinking some pumpkin spice low cal coffee and then I had some pumpkin chai tea with a freind. I guess today I was craving something sweet (which I always crave) . The world was so still and quiet waking up this chill morning and it's nice and grey outside too. I wish it were more gloomy but it's not.

Stats for today

Breakfast-

Water - 0 calories

3 cups of vegetable soup - 321 calories with added salt absolutely delicious 😋

1 sandwich (2 slices of wheat bread 110 + 3 baloney slices at 80 calories each) 460

Total- 781

Lunch- pumpkin spice ice coffee - 120 calories

Puts me at 901 calories

Liquid Fast for 15hrs untill 12:45am midnight ✨️

10:21pm - vanilla chai tea with 3 spoonfulls of splenda 0 calories

Blueberry tea with splenda 0 calorie treat and bubble gum

I feel like a fat pig. My ex just confirmed that he eats 350-500 to 1000 calories perday and he's so skinny and beautiful. I NEED to catch up and get better at loosing weight. I don't want to be the fat freind. It wil be so worth the hunger when I get to wear cute clothes and have smaller boobs

Food cravings....

Tonight I'm craving a chicken sandwhich and with bread and I can't have one 😩. This makes me so sad 😞

I'm down to more 2 more lbs today!! That makes for a total 9lb weight loss. So yes I AM losing weight! My coworker was right!

I guess my fasting is paying off. And all I do I just don't like food. That's all I do. I'm starting to absolutely despise food. It's gross and makes me feel bloated and fat. Ugh

But 9lbs is NOT ENOUGH. I'm aiming for 40lbs ugh 😑. The scale can't move fast enough but I know it's best if I just be patient and wait

Grocery shopping today-

Zero sugar torani flavor syrup carmel and vanilla

Zero sugar coffee creamer pumpkin spice

More tea flavors

Canned pumpkin

Cinnamon

I fasted all the way untill supper. I drank some tea, slept, and went up to the roof and listened to a podcast by shrouded head and binge watched YouTube. It's not even dinner time yet. It's 6pm and I'll tidy up by 7pm and shower then I'll start on dinner around 8pm. The sky is nice and gloomy this evening and I feel so lonely, dispaired and hopeless... I wonder if ill ever not be lonely someday?