Why The Fuck Is He With Her So Much. It Can't Be A Coincidence That So Many Times I've Seen Him He's

every night

I crave his warmth so bad. He looks like he would be so warm to the touch. Being in his presence sends my heart into overdrive, being able to be in his arms would simply make my mind melt. That's all I could ask for. No thoughts other than his warmth and touch.

I cant stop thinking about it.

I've just thought it even worse for myself. My dad has multiple of his teeth missing bcs his teeth got fucked up from uncorrect corrections in his teens and i can tell it bothers him. The way he holds his mouth has changed, he tries to hide his teeth when speaking and smiling. And it prevents him from socializing, he used to be so much more sociable when I was little.

And im not scared for the socialization part because I will become a self isolated loser anyways, but now I'm fearing my teeth falling out just like his because I couldn't take basic care of myself. It pains me.

Because of my constant eating during binges and times where i simply was overeating my tooth enamel is completely damaged. And that can nor will never be restored.

My dentist straight up told me I have damaged it already so from now on if I don't stick with very strict, regular meals my teeth will be easily and quickly rittled with holes. But if I haven't been able to do that so far, no matter what. So now I'll just have teeth full of holes, feel constant pain and spend god knows how much trying to keep fixing em to escape atleast some of the pain. Just rip all my teeth out so I could not ruin them further and not chew at all.

I'm just feel sad and devastated. That shit by the age of 19. And for what? Nothing positive or anyhting of resemblance to even show for the years of straight up food addiction.

Gotta love it when the shift you kinda didn't wanna do turns out to go along well, even being enjoyable.

Tomorrow I'll have to go to the staff manager at my summer job and look over my contract. I should ask for more pay than last summer but idk how ughhh.

And then day after that I'll actually have ti go to work. In theory it's not that bad, but just the idea of it fills me with unlimited tread.

Me and my mother went to see the fnaf movie. She is overall very much against horror, but she agreed to go with me for some reason. After I started to rant about my opinion, details and lore about the movie. And then suddenly she told me to stop and got really angry with me. She spit some things at me and told me she felt like she was gonna throw up. I know she just doesn't like horror, but it started something in me.

I rarely talk about things enthusiastically like that because I don't think anything that has to do with me or my interests is something that is worth for other to hear, especially for more than a sentence. It's so silly and stupid, I'm being too sensitive, but her being so angry at me sharing a piece of my real self really hurts.

Just majorly reminded myself how much I hate myself. How everything about me sucks. The way I look, the way I act, the way I think, things I enjoy or don't, my interests, my opinions, the way I view life etc etc. There is just nothing good amount me. And that's so jarring. How can a person be just so worthless, so ridiculously stupid. I wish there was just one thing good thing about me. Even something almost good will be appreciated. I'm so pathetic in a way I pity myself, it's not a empathetic pity, rather a disgusted one lol.

I feel like i need a change of environment. I love my mother, I like my room, it's lovely, spacious but still comfy, I like playing games with my parents once in a while, watching movies with my dad on weekend nights whenever I have the mental energy (I wish I had it more of the time), I love my pets, I like walking in my area, even when I have an absolutely horrible person living in the same house the other aspects are still so lovely.

But whenever I get home from school im just miserable. And I feel like I become the worst version (atleast one of em lol) when I'm miserable in this place. I need out and even tho I don't wanna leave in any way, I feel trapped. And sadly, genuinely extremely unfortunately, killing myself isn't an option.

Living alone is a fantasy for sure. I would barely buy food since I don't want to waste money and I don't deserve nor need it, but I would take my treadmill and dumbells with me so I can exercise the thoughts of hunger away. I could also cut and cry without worrying about being caught, to try to cope with my constant feeling of misery.

Atp I have straight up food addiction. It makes me act completely unrational, makes me do things that I would never do elsewhere. And once I get it, it's never enough. Feels like I have no consciousness almost.

Not to be delusional. But I've been writing his name in my pad this 2 days. Yesterday we didn't cross paths, but today we did and he actually looked at me. He didn't just glaze his gaze over me, he took proper looks. Never happened before hihi

Thanks for liking my art. This truly means a lot to me. So... yeah... thank youuu. ✨️

You're more than welcome :)

The pieces you make are so cool <3