Gotta Love It When The Shift You Kinda Didn't Wanna Do Turns Out To Go Along Well, Even Being Enjoyable.

It's literally been minutes and I can feel her changing in my head. Her form shifting. She is telling me more about her ed, but im froze, I'm crying, I just felt like I lost a friend in a single moment and it's even more unfair to her.

NOOOO!!! A GIRL IVE BECOME GOOD FRIENDS WITH OVER THE MONTHS JUST TOLD ME SHE HAS AN ED. NOW MY BRAIN WILL AUTOMATICALLY START SEEING HER AS COMPETITION, START HYPERANALYZING EVERYTHING I AND SHE DO AND SAY AND ITLL START TO SPITE HER FOR BEING SKINNIER THAN ME.

Gonna fast till Thursday noon. Right now it's only almost at hour 10, but gotta push thru it.

I want to own someone.

I want them to devote their entire life to me, to get excited whenever I come around and to beg me for even the slightest attention. I want them to live their life pleasing me, worshipping me and immediately bending backwards at my word.

Is that too much to ask?

People think being lovesick is just so funny. Just a little heehee joke to toss around. They have no idea what it's like to feel this. To constantly crave attention, and the pain and obsession, especially when you don't get any. It's like my brain is on fire and most of the time I can't even say anything because people will just avoid me even more. They have no idea.

My brains is so funny cause it sees me in worlds not real, but struggles to acknowledge me in this one.

Tomorrow I'll have to go to the staff manager at my summer job and look over my contract. I should ask for more pay than last summer but idk how ughhh.

And then day after that I'll actually have ti go to work. In theory it's not that bad, but just the idea of it fills me with unlimited tread.

Why can't anyone love me like I love them. Like just matching a fraction of my obsession would be more than enough.

She didn't give me even a chance to ask sumn. Said right away it isn't gonna change. 5 euros an hour it is 😭😭

Tomorrow I'll have to go to the staff manager at my summer job and look over my contract. I should ask for more pay than last summer but idk how ughhh.

And then day after that I'll actually have ti go to work. In theory it's not that bad, but just the idea of it fills me with unlimited tread.

I've been im a complete bubble whole summer. Haven't gone into town at all, just work and rotting. Which has been fun. And during it all it never even occurred to me that Damn I haven't socialized at all, let alone did I miss it.

But yesterday I met up with a good friend of mine, we just spoke for 3 hours. And when i acc got a taste of it, I lowkey missed socializing, like wanted to do it more. Really hoping that passes. But I'm also scared what will happen when I go into uni, since I'm gonna be around people all the time which means I'll want to socialize, but I won't have anyone to acc do it with lol

What video games do you like? Is chocolate the best or THE BEST? What music do you like?

Ooo only game I play is minecraft absolutely love it even when the updates are mid asf, somehow still not bored to death after 11 years. Idk if that counts cause I'm not into the games, but I really like fnaf lore just like it's own.

Hot chocolate is soo good, but only at like cafés or gas stations. I can't make a good one at home lol. Chocolate itself is a hit or miss for me, but rather delicious ofcofc.

This is such a bad answer, but I don't have a certain genre I like the most (not too knowledgeable abt niche genres anyways). I like the basics, kpop, lana del ray, mitski, boy genius the cranberries etc. But my playlist are mostly bunch of random songs I've found.