Atp I Have Straight Up Food Addiction. It Makes Me Act Completely Unrational, Makes Me Do Things That

Ohhh 😔

I long for a aub💖💖

It's gotten to the point where I can't blame my incompetence on my age anymore. I've realized im just incompetent. Not as an excuse rather as in I'm just dumber, less progressed, weak, specifically too weak to cope with life overall. It feels like I won't ever be a fully or well functioning part of society.

I wish there was a way for me to get interact with him. For me to even talk to him once. I have so little knowledge, so little perception of him in actuality, but my mind keeps thinking about him. So it's always just craving more to think about.

It would be food from store from this town that I won't be able to get before Monday otherwise. And like, the taste and texture of the food haunts me. I can't think abt anyhting else. Even that ill be able to eat other shit when I get home doesn't console me. I can't sleep because all I can think about is that food.

The fact that I acc have to resist the thought about skipping school just go and buy food is wild, cause the school in question is a short, nice and actually useful.

My graduation is in a few days and I look so fucking fat in the dress. I want to stab myself in the stomach thru that ugly piece of trash. I also looked deeply miserable and sickly whilst trying it on today, which would at least look pretty if i was skinny, but since im not, it just looks disgusting. Now I'll have to work 3 days whilst starving. Whilst there's also 6 different stress sources chewing on me.

Kinda funny how I'm obsessed with him. Go out of my way to just see him for half a second. Wish I could just look at him for hours. But at the same time I aknowledge that he's kinda ugly.

atp im convinced im made to be isolated from others. when i dont have particularly friends i have no problem going to classes and going thru my days without much distress. i have no problems socialising during group tasks and i make small talk but thats all. but if i get talking to a person in particular, outside of classwork, thru messages it quickly becomes too much and it causes me distress.

mentally a living corpse

Actually ended up having an amazing day and will continue to do so. And then an amazing week and month.

The fact that the thought of skipping the whole schoolday tomorrow just to go buy food and eat all day even comes to my mind, even though I have eaten more than I need today, is absolutely crazy.