Not To Be Delusional. But I've Been Writing His Name In My Pad This 2 Days. Yesterday We Didn't Cross

My graduation is in a few days and I look so fucking fat in the dress. I want to stab myself in the stomach thru that ugly piece of trash. I also looked deeply miserable and sickly whilst trying it on today, which would at least look pretty if i was skinny, but since im not, it just looks disgusting. Now I'll have to work 3 days whilst starving. Whilst there's also 6 different stress sources chewing on me.

Since i was a little girl ive always wanted to throw up blood and die

When you had started to kinda forgot about him but then see him again after a long time:

I've been im a complete bubble whole summer. Haven't gone into town at all, just work and rotting. Which has been fun. And during it all it never even occurred to me that Damn I haven't socialized at all, let alone did I miss it.

But yesterday I met up with a good friend of mine, we just spoke for 3 hours. And when i acc got a taste of it, I lowkey missed socializing, like wanted to do it more. Really hoping that passes. But I'm also scared what will happen when I go into uni, since I'm gonna be around people all the time which means I'll want to socialize, but I won't have anyone to acc do it with lol

What the fuck is wrong with my brain. I met the ppl in my uni course yesterday, one girl caught my eye, we spoke once.....and now my brain is cutting to lowkey romantic fantasies about her.

Accidentally hurting your pets is the worst, because you can't even tell them how absolutely sorry you are.

Ngl him watching me from afar, keeping track of who I talk with, clenching his fists in jealousy, finding out as much information as he can abt me and yearning for so much more and finally ploting his way into my life would be so cute.

It's so weird feeling that you have a lot of love to give, but feeling as if you have no one to give that specific love to. Yes I have loved ones that that love me, that I keep living for really. But it's no the same.

And at the same time my mind just yearns to have someone to obsess over.

I don't understand. How can I be doing well and than one moment, out of nowhere my brain just switches completely and im upset all the time. Can't stop slumping, negative thoughts. Even more hopeless when it's not even triggered by something, because then I can't even prevent or understand it.

i’ve never wanted something as badly as i want you. i want to cradle you in my arms and lock you away forever. let me take care of you, baby.